Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I’m really nervous right now . It’s been about six years since I’ve posted. I’m not sure who’s going to even read this. Everything moves so fast. Phones change, emails change, social media platforms emerge left and right… everything moves fast. The only thing that’s moved slowly was each year that passed by being stuck in the abyss that is writers block. Somewhere along the way, I lost my inspiration. The thing is, I know exactly when it happened.  It all started with the pills. There was a pill to speed me up, a pill to slow me down, a pill to help me sleep, a pill to curb my binge eating and focus. I think you get it. I was on a crapload of medications. My pill box is the size of a soda can and when you shake it sounds like maracas. Problem was, with all those medications it took time to find the right combination to keep my moods level. While figuring that out, you’re going through insane side effects from falling into deep sleep 20 minutes after taking one drug, to having panic...

Photo by  Nicholas Bui  on  Unsplash Just typing this post is a ministry of preparation. I don't know how people will receive me. I don't knowwhat people will think. I don't know how I even feel honestly. For years, I have battled depression. I even posted about my journey as a depressed person. For some reason, the medication never seemed to work for long before I was "off". I can't completely describe what "off" feels like other than moments of battling what feels like the onset of a crisis or feeling my mood shift despite taking a drug that was intended to stabilize it. I wasn't always depressed while on anti-depressants but I wasn't always well either. I've always held a job. Being the sole provider for my household, holding a job has been a non-negotiable necessity. The issue? I never held a job for more than five years. Five years was the cap for me. I had something called the 3-year-itch. No matter what the position, or the c...