Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I have held many jobs. Some of them were entrepreneurial in nature and other's were corporate oriented. I've strongly disliked most of them. Why? I was doing what paid me, rather than what was passionate to me. I would work office jobs and enjoy the "benefits".  Now, I realize that the interpretation of benefits is relative. Are benefits health insurance, year-end bonuses, and an abundance of leave allowance? Are benefits working from home, making your own hours, and receiving a handsome pay? Are benefits a relaxed work environment that allows for casual clothing and imbibing in the afternoon?  It wasn't until I began to define what qualified as a benefit within my work life that I began to steer further and further away from the role of employee and closer to the role of entrepreneur. I wanted to work for myself. I wanted to prove that the skills I'd utilized for the "benefit" of my employer could benefit myself. I quickly learned that it ...

The Richest Soil: A Lesson On Strength  When I turned twenty-one, my life got very serious very quickly. My first daughter was born and I was nursing and craving the chance to flash my ID in a liquor store and actually get alcohol legally for a change (or lets pretend I wanted to taste it for the first time...whatever floats your boat. I'm not adverse to placating a few sticklers). However, the point here is that I was twenty-one and a single mom. This was indeed a predicament I orchestrated, tailored and then stepped into. I will never say that I have no idea how it happened, it was quite the contrary. Being a single mom wasn't easy at all. My boyfriend revealed himself to be a cheating boyfriend (much later, a cheating husband- got to love a man who is consistent). He went off to serve in the US Airforce while I tried my best to figure out what motherhood was all about. During that time, I struggled. I tried to do everything right and it always seemed to turn out wro...

Funny that I created this blog years ago in effort to draw positive attention to what so many others were scorning at the time; natural hair. I used to be a natural hair stylist and I met so many women who were either afraid to "go natural" or were struggling to stay natural. Seldom did I meet someone who was content and simply needed styling services. I won't say that learning navigate an entirely new hair texture doesn't come with it's fair share of challenges. I will say that so many of us don't want to deal with our hair once it's restored to its original texture. I have to admit that I have been one of the women that I used to tsk at years ago. I always have in hair extensions by way of weave, braids or crocheted something. I say that I am doing a protective style which is sometimes true but most times I am just trying not to do my hair at all. I don't want to bother to manipulate my hair into elaborate twist outs and take time to do intricat...

Robin Williams didn't commit suicide. Depression murdered him. That's how I view it. I dislike when people say suicide. It's almost as if people immediately discount the significance of the loss because the death was self-inflicted. I can assure you that depression drives people to off themselves. For the sake of being technical, yes killing yourself is suicide but please do this for me: think of a time you were desperate. I don't care if it was to receive attention from that person you were madly in love with or when you stole that money, or told that lie, or took them back. Photo by  Mike Wilson  on  Unsplash It was a moment of desperation. Were you in control? Perhaps. Did it feel like it? No. Welcome to the lives of the depressed. I often feel like a shell that is housing a cloud of sadness within me. I don't get to wear all black and sit in art galleries smoking slim cigarettes discussing dark abstract art. I'm not emo chic. I gain weight and look li...

Photo by  Priscilla Du Preez  on  Unsplash You would think I would have been more creative the second time I tried to die. I wasn't. I was a single mother with a very young toddler and I couldn't figure out how to be a very young twenty-something, a mom, a college drop out, and an adult who was aspiring to build a career instead of just having a job. I was waitressing and my tips weren't enough to make the rent for my studio apartment. My daughter was always at her father's parents home because I was working nearly 53 hours a week. Despite my hard work, I never had enough money. I dropped about 15lbs and everyone was complimenting me but I was starving. I would feed my daughter and pray she would be full so I could eat whatever she left over. I didn't care if it was cold Farina or chewed up and spat out chicken and veggies. I needed to eat and I was broke. Realizing that I was working for my daughter but hardly saw her started to wear on me. It didn't hel...

I'm not going to give any drawn out introduction to the subject I want to address. There comes a time when dating just becomes desperate. You can't casually disclose that you are "just seeing what's out there" when you are doing any of the following things: Membership Whoredom : Yeah, I said it. If you are or have been a member of every dating site out there to the point that you know the secrets to getting specials, recognize profiles from the "other" dating sites, and copy and paste your profiles and message replies, you are a membership whore (or a site slut if you prefer alliteration). If you don't know it, allow me to tell you: YOU HAVE REACHED THE POINT OF ADDICTION. You're on just about every site both mainstream and obscure. Your phone chimes with more notifications than drug dealer on a city block and your profile has been seen by thousands. If this is you, you have gone too far. You are not merely testing the waters, you are under th...

Each year we see rankings of military power across the globe. Being an American and US Citizen, there is a certain comfort at being ranked in the number one spot.  However, data can often be skewed and is only as good as the person presenting it. Either way, I googled as I often do and I ended up here. Within the top 5 I found some surprises. For one? India kicks some serious butt.  Of course, making the list speaks volumes so even if you are at the bottom, at least you made the cut. So the next time you're feeling cocky about your country, take a gander at where it lies within these rankings. It takes bragging rights to another level. Hey, remember: no fighting. 

Starting a business isn't always easy. Most times you need to spend money before you make money. The amount invested will hopefully be earned back within your first or second year of business. For a large span of time you may be working hard and paying everyone else but yourself. This is the life of a small business owner. You spend evenings examining spreadsheets until your eyes are crossed and write checks to everyone while you eat a $1 pack of noodles. Welcome to business ownership. Take off your shoes, get comfy. I recall my days of being thirsty for business ownership. I have signed up to do just about everything from selling cosmetics to legal services. There was no limit to the things I tried. Each time I entered these business structures I was told to spend money. When I would cringe, I would then be reminded that any and every business requires an investment. This is true. The difference is that these business structures ALWAYS required that I target my friends and f...

She Says: He used to be so romantic, he would give me candle light dinners I was amused by his antics, I thought I found a winner. Now all he does is park his ass on the couch and when I ask him what's wrong he says he doesnt know what I'm talking about. He doesnt talk to me, he doesnt take me out then he wants to sleep with me when he retires from his couch he's hardly ever home and when he is here? he makes me feel like I forced him to be, and it just isn't fair. He Says: She used to laugh at all my silly jokes then she brought all of our problems to her girlfriends and folks. now feel like a stranger in my own house so I take my place quietly on the living room couch. I try to step away from my man made island but when I try to sleep with her, she makes me feel guilty for trying she says that the way I treat her is so unfair but if she doesnt want me with her, then why am I here? She Says: I used to try talk to him, but he didn't want to l...

Everyone has a purpose. Life is a journey to realizing that purpose and sharing it with the rest of the world. Many times we seek the secret to success without realizing that the secret is no more than discovering to your gift and giving it to the world. We often interpret success to be financial. Financial wealth is no more than a blessing that is the fortunate result of sharing your gift(s). I once met a woman who told me that Oprah Winfrey was her best friend. While Oprah can't call this woman specifically by name, I'm sure she knows that she is often considered a friend or even best friend to thousands of people if not more. She would have never received the opportunity to play that role in so many lives had she not embarked upon a career as a news anchor. Eventually, she was turned away from the business because she didnt have the look. That rejection only allowed her to place her focus on other opportunities and after the start of a talkshow she was able to take her...

He loves me. At least, thats what he said. He loves me more and more each and every day. But he was still seeing other women, and he was still caught up with his ex-girlfriend, and he was comfortable with our complicated relationship that held a clumsy banner over it labeled "friends". He said that he wanted to be friends and "who knows" what God had in store for us. He was open minded. I listened. I even agreed initially. But then he wanted to know why I didn't call him back, or why I seemed distant. He could sense even the slightest distance and yet he couldn't seem to figure out that his careless handling of my feelings were making an already complex relationship damned near incomprehensible. "I love you." "I love you more and more each day" "I miss you" " I want to cuddle with you" In the same breath it could be " I went on a date" or "I was with my ex" It all was so confusing, until I re...

As I sit here blogging in the wee hours of the morning, I am feeling more satisfied at this very moment than I have been almost all day. The reason behind this-simply put is that I am doing something that I have a true passion for. I have been writing since the age of eight. I would scribe a short poem in my composition notebook and my mother would sit patiently as I presented it to her. She always encouraged me. Later, I wrote poems for year books, open mic, but mostly for my own pleasure. Poems turned into reports, short stories, a thesis here and there and unfinished novels. Writing has become an outlet, a talent, and a passionate part of my life. I enjoy sharing my thoughts with others as much as I enjoy creating characters and sharing their lives on paper. Recently, I submitted my resignation from a job that was stressful but met my financial needs. So... lets talk about needs. Needs are something that you can't do without. The body needs water, the forest needs trees, the tr...

I decided to quit my job and go back to school. Unlike most people, my primary motivation for going back to school is not to make more money, but to finish what a started. I have embarked on numerous business ventures, books, friendships, relationships, diets (I can keep going, but I think you can get the point), only to fail because I didn't finish what I started. What's even more ridiculous is that legitimate interest has been taken with each of my "bright idea's" and I still never managed to bring my goals to the finish line. The catalyst for most of my business plans was an extreme sense of discontentment in my life. As I would wait tables, or screen applicants, or break up for what seemed like the hundredth time, I would dream of a day of doing something I actually wanted to do as opposed to what landed in my lap. Granted that at some point, most of the things I have done were what I wanted at that particular moment, however not many of them were a part of my...