Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

He moved me to do things that I hadn't done. Highway drives, random rides, he was up for fun. He held my hand as we listened to tunes. We would chat about politics, friends, and news. Conversation just flowed with any topic we'd choose. He would puff on natural stuff, and I would drink all the booze. I'd play in his hair and he would always close his eyes and smile. We'd escape in our place and allow our passion to run wild. Our hearts moved inches and then soared for miles. He wanted us to pour our love into making a child. But then there was the fighting, and the hurt feelings. The light that shone on us fell hard from loves ceiling. Loves walls were crumbling and the paint was peeling. Love was breaking down faster than we could do the healing We couldn't buy back all the happiness the drama was stealing God wouldn't answer our prayers so we both quit kneeling. Each day resentment would continue to build. day by day until ...

When started dating after separation, I did it in phases. The first phase was catch up. I wanted to catch up with every man I had a spark with to explore where it would have went had I not gotten married. Once I realized that these "what if's" were really "don't bother's" I moved on to try to find "the one." After several failed attempts and false starts with "the one" I began making rules. I didn't always know what I liked but I was certain after several failed relationships of what I didnt. However, now that I look back, I realize that plenty of the red flags that made me run were almost always a shared similarity with my ex. If a man said he was interested in anything my ex was interested in, I began to feel uneasy and delve deeper for more "flags". I'll even admit that if a man were from the same country or continent as my ex, I would get turned off. I now know that I was suffering from PTRD (Post Traumatic Re...

When you first quenched your thirst for the first high heels and purse that enticed you what did I do? I fell down and cried and with red rimmed eyes I asked you why and you let out a sigh and tried to console me but I refused because I wasn't used to be comforted by the enemy and when I couldn't be consoled for you the scene grew old and you became so bold to be so cold and tell me I overreacted. Later we became friends and reconciled again and then you left me for her we don't need to know her name because she is one and the same several women morphed into one and "any other woman" is her name and I cried once more and lay in a fetal position on the floor because my heart ached and ached and my spirit was sore from being broken again and your knee took a slow bend and you came down to me and you kissed my cheek and seemed to be tickled that my strong spirit could so meek all because of you Only I didn't feel tickled, I w...