Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

One Day I Woke Up And Loved Myself Love is something that I knew how to give but had to learn to receive. Though my love language is words of affirmation, it was far easier to accept a "good job" than an "I love you". I realized that rejecting the possibility of being sincerely loved enabled me to prevent myself from becoming vulnerable. Why become vulnerable when you don't trust anyone to love you?  This wayward method of suppressing my emotions went on for years and manifested into many dysfunctional relationships and self-sabotage. As time passed on I had to come to a point where I accepted myself without scrutiny. Yes, I have chicken legs, and yes my stomach has stretch marks that mar my abdomen with the war scars of motherhood. Yes, I have circles under my eyes that remind me of the broken promises of sleep I have made over the years. I'm divorced. My memory is about as good as the devil and for every pound I lose I seem to gain two back again...

We met one day when I was coming from the mall. When shame had yet to weigh on my shoulders and I still stood tall. We dated a bit and moved quite fast two lines on a stick and we had 18 years to last. Two more lines, and we decided to marry. I waddled to the courthouse with our baby I carried. That moment was just that, it didnt last long Before the blues were my only song. He cheated as often as people sleep or any other ritual like waking up or brushing teeth there was never a time it wasnt in my face when I got calls from women saying : "I've been at your place" "I sat on your couch." "You're married? I'm sorry, I should have figured that out." "He took me to six flags" "I saw your family pictures." "He said your marriage was open, I didn't know he was with ya." So one night, he was sitting on his phone. Chatting with his mistress as if I weren't even home. I pulled on my stockings and ...