Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

It's all in me It's in my control I rock my Pisces I steal your soul I tolerate you til tolerating gets old a lady so sweet a bitch so cold Dude I'm showing you the curves Hips showing you the swerve Give my ex the finger N-gga's when you gon' learn? It's all in me It's in my control I rock my Pisces I steal your soul Dude, I'm showing you the honey I'm playing playboy bunny You're filthy rich in bullshit But I don't need that kind of money I tolerate you til tolerating gets old a lady so sweet a bitch so cold Dude, I'm taking back my time strutting all this fine but I dont think I'll be so kind to stay off your f-cking mind It's all in me It's in my control I rock my Pisces I steal your soul I tolerate you til tolerating gets old a lady so sweet a bitch so cold

He moved me to do things that I hadn't done. Highway drives, random rides, he was up for fun. He held my hand as we listened to tunes. We would chat about politics, friends, and news. Conversation just flowed with any topic we'd choose. He would puff on natural stuff, and I would drink all the booze. I'd play in his hair and he would always close his eyes and smile. We'd escape in our place and allow our passion to run wild. Our hearts moved inches and then soared for miles. He wanted us to pour our love into making a child. But then there was the fighting, and the hurt feelings. The light that shone on us fell hard from loves ceiling. Loves walls were crumbling and the paint was peeling. Love was breaking down faster than we could do the healing We couldn't buy back all the happiness the drama was stealing God wouldn't answer our prayers so we both quit kneeling. Each day resentment would continue to build. day by day until ...

"You are a man-hater!" I have been told this numerous times by an ex. Each time he said it, I would dramatically gasp, bat my lashes, and clutch my chest like a well groomed Southern Belle. How could he say such a thing? Truth is, I knew how. I have a really strong personality. A part of this is because I had no man in my home to keep me in my place as a young woman. So when I became a grown woman, I knew no boundaries. I refused to submit to my husband, and I often berated him as a man and spouse. I expected him to lead, while I constantly grabbed the reigns and expected him to snatch them away from me. Truth is, my dysfuntion is the only way I know how to function. I function according to relationships that have malfunctioned for years. What does this mean? I am infected with disillusion, cloudy conclusions and I've been using and abusing my parent's shortcomings as a crutch to stay in touch with so much bullsh*t that doesn't help me but instead hurts and I f...