Thinking Kinks: Self-Proclaimed Man Eater.....*reckless poetry*

"You are a man-hater!"
I have been told this numerous times by an ex.
Each time he said it, I would dramatically gasp, bat my lashes, and clutch my chest like a well groomed Southern Belle. How could he say such a thing? Truth is, I knew how.
I have a really strong personality. A part of this is because I had no man in my home to keep me in my place as a young woman. So when I became a grown woman, I knew no boundaries. I refused to submit to my husband, and I often berated him as a man and spouse. I expected him to lead, while I constantly grabbed the reigns and expected him to snatch them away from me.
Truth is, my dysfuntion is the only way I know how to function. I function according to relationships that have malfunctioned for years. What does this mean?

I am infected with disillusion,
cloudy conclusions and I've been using and abusing
my parent's shortcomings as a crutch to stay in touch with
so much bullsh*t that doesn't help me but instead hurts
and I flirt with danger because I don't love myself enough to play it safe
and as much as I hate this... this bullsh*t, I can't quit
putting myself back in it
over and over and over again and
over
again.
When will it stop? I shock myself sometimes when I find that I
broke free of my own mind and habits are put aside to move forward and do whats wise
but to my surprise I gravitate to the same types of men
the ones who came inside my heart but should have never made it in
again
over and over and over...
again.
but I keep using this excuse about the mental abuse that I endured
as a kid and carried on a woman
and eventually
as a wife and my whole life has been dictated by this
bullsh*t
and as much as we know that not much can come from bullsh*t,
this bullsh*t has taken me far
we walk arm in arm into every relationship
Bullsh*t and me are real comfy
We know each other well, I even like the bullsh*t's smell
its familiar, and I hate the unknown
so from since I can remember
I was grown up and with bullsh*t.
When I was forced to take a new course in my life,
when I was cornered to submit myself to a man and become a wife
when I wanted to move slow, and things were going too fast
when I wanted to stall time to make my nonsense last
I held fast
to bullsh*t.
"you don't understand" is one way you can
introduce other's
to bullsh*t.
"you just don't know" is another way to go
when you want to hold on
to your bullsh*t.
and even when no one agrees
I can console myself with ease by saying
'b*tch please, you don't know my bullsh*t"
So when I pretended to be offended
by words that had my ego rear ended
I just sat there and pretended
it was bullsh*t
Yes, my father was a rolling stone
and never came home
and left us alone
but thats his bullsh*t
Yes my mother was a toole for staying with that fool
and did she make mistakes? yes!
but that was her life, and therefore her bullsh*t to address
So there has to come a day
that I want to learn to find a way
to open my arms and say
I'm letting go of their bullsh*t
because it really isn't mine
I just claimed it over time
because I wanted to find
an excuse for MY bullsh*t.
So after this confession
I have learned a great lesson
I am not and never was a hater of men
see the fact is, a man that isn't a daddy to his kids
will never get any respect from his wife, or children.
And if I'm ever found in the position
where its just to hot in the kitchen
I'll eat that man alive
if it means my kids and I can survive
so If I chew and digest you
I'll just try my best to
pass you out later
as some ole' Bullsh*t.