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Bulls Eye!

As I sit here blogging in the wee hours of the morning, I am feeling more satisfied at this very moment than I have been almost all day. The reason behind this-simply put is that I am doing something that I have a true passion for.
I have been writing since the age of eight. I would scribe a short poem in my composition notebook and my mother would sit patiently as I presented it to her. She always encouraged me. Later, I wrote poems for year books, open mic, but mostly for my own pleasure. Poems turned into reports, short stories, a thesis here and there and unfinished novels.
Writing has become an outlet, a talent, and a passionate part of my life. I enjoy sharing my thoughts with others as much as I enjoy creating characters and sharing their lives on paper.
Recently, I submitted my resignation from a job that was stressful but met my financial needs. So... lets talk about needs. Needs are something that you can't do without. The body needs water, the forest needs trees, the trees need sunlight etc. Okay, now lets talk about wants. Wants are things that you desire, and crave, but it will not sustain you. It just enhances you.
I accept the reality that I will need income to support my family. However I finally came to the point where I had to determine if happiness was a want or a need in my life. After several episodes of depression, I now know that for my life happiness is very much a need. So, I am now pursuing my writing as a career as well as going back to school to complete my psychology degree program. I have a part time job and I am doing hair to pick up lose ends financially. Some people think I am crazy, others cast a nervous grin and fret behind closed doors, some cheer for me and wish me success.
How others feel about my decisions are far from my concern. My happiness is my first priority and apparently, actively pursuing my dreams brings me a joy that I have yet to experience helping others build their own dreams.
I have assisted Brokers in managing million dollar portfolios, I have supported women in carrying other peoples children as surrogate mothers,... the list goes on. However, I have never invested in ME. I only believed in what I can do for everyone else. This made me question my potential. This made me question my faith. I consider myself to be a Christian. I'm not caught up in religion, but I am caught up in Christ and the personal relationship I have with God.
I found it to be quite hypocritical that I ran around saying I trust God (and telling others too!), and believe in God however I never bothered to operate in faith. Lacking faith in any religion is beyond ironic-its teetering over the line of foolish.
I always said God was in control of my life, but I still made all the decisions as if my successes and failures were determined by my job titles and salary increases. I placed all of my faith in which interview I nailed, and which benefit plan would cover me after retirement. Those are sensible concerns however, isn't trust a large component of faith? So, by making choices based on fear of failure...how faithful and trustworthy of my beliefs am I? How can I claim to be wonderfully made when I am too timid to walk in that truth?
When I was in HS, my biology teacher started a lesson about energy. He drew a bow and arrow and told us that at the very moment that you have pulled back the bow, aim the arrow, and can feel the tension in your arm as you hold the arrow steady-that is potential energy because its stored. Something can happen, but nothing has. At the moment that the arrow is released, the potential or stored energy becomes kinetic because now the arrow is in motion.
I know plenty of people with talents, dreams and goals and they put all of their faith in what they think they need, not realizing that they just want to feel safe. The desire (or want) to feel safe overwhelms the need for happiness. So life is continued at a predictable pace, with a predictable outcome and all the while the needs are never met because the wants become more important. You want the car, you want the money, you want the American Dream. But while driving that snazzy ride, and cashing those big checks, you need fulfillment, you need change, you need happiness. Its never quite enough is it? Something is always missing. The things that you dream of are only figments of your imagination and never entertained and as the years go by the potential energy of your life's dreams continues to be stored .
By choosing my happiness, my dreams and goals are now in the kinetic phase, where I am actually putting them in action.
If the destiny of my life is anything like that bow and arrow, its time to let go and aim for my target.
Do you feel like you are called to do something other than what you are doing?
Do you have dreams that you are too afraid to pursue?
The worst thing you can do is limit your potential by storing it. Put your potential in action, realize it, relish in it, and believe in it.

Comments

  1. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    mind blown.. famo lol I mean ThinkinKinks ;)

    ReplyDelete

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