Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I was lying in bed when I heard the familiar chime of an incoming text. Opening one eye, I opened the message to see two letters: GM. Still, in the stupor that slumber often puts you in, I scanned my brain to register the meaning...ah yes...Good Morning. I clumsily keyed in "Hey" and hit the send button. I kept my face deep in my pillow listening for another chime. Nothing. I switched my phone into silent mode and caught another hour of sleep before waking up again. This is a typical day in the life of a serial texter. I text a lot. I text because it's free (on my cell plan). I text because it's convenient. I text because it's a great way to have a conversation without actually having a conversation. But what happens when you actually WANT to speak to the other person with whom you are texting? How do you break the pattern? After months of texting, a phone call may prove to be awkward and break the momentum you built through texting! This has happened...

The Dating Games When I was a kid, I was hooked on re-runs of The Dating Game. I loved watching all of the snazzy guys and gals in their polyester get-ups answering question after question in hopes of sashaying over to the other side of the wall divider to Mr. or Ms. Right. I particularly enjoyed when the geeky guy or gal managed to schmooze their way off their stool and past the wall divider much to the dismay of the hot hopeful date on the other side. Now, as a recently separated woman I have come to realize that the Dating Game is still running, only not on television but in my own life. The wall divider has been replaced by wisdom and intuition, and I still have several bachelors trying to get past that wall and into my heart (or pants... whichever comes first). Although I can see these men, I really can not see them for who they truly are which makes it hard for me to choose who gets to get past this wall that I have up. The funny thing about dating is all of the rules ...

I didn't know I was a side chick. It all kind of just, well happened. I have pointed many a finger at women who were Mistresses by choice and called them all sorts of terrible names to shame them for aiding a man in infidelity. Then I became the mistress. What was the lesson? Well when someone says they are separated, it means they are married. I wasn't your typical Mistress. I wasn't a spoiled chick with  my own credit card and exotic weekend trips. Nope, I was just relief. I was a welcomed change to a troubled marriage.  photo courtesy of www.xclusivetouch.co.uk He was separated. He had been separated from her for 4 years, had no interest in reconciliation, and was interested in me. My red flag started to rise a bit when he said 4 years. Who is separated for 4 years? Why not divorce? Did she up and move to another country? What the hell? He said that they just never bothered to but he needs to get around to it (ya think?!). Time went on and I got more and more...

I dated some in my day and there was a season of my dating life that I like to call "Chopping Season". That was the period of time when no man was worthy of my time and as soon as they gave me whatever I perceived as "good reason", I chopped them. Chopping someone is as a superior action  word. It's a verb with cojones. I have several ways of doing it. Sometimes I would make sure I did it in person. Other times, it would be a text or a slew of them if I were angry enough. Sometimes I would just block the person; allowing my silence to tell the story. Chopping happened frequently to the point my close friends termed what I did as "chopping". "Did you chop him?" My sister and best friend would often ask. If I was complaining a bit too much my friends would say "chop his ass, he's not worth it". If men were trees, I was surrounded by limbs of lumber. By golly, I chopped. I later realized that I was too hasty sometimes in my dec...

Initially I loved being single. I used to joke with a friend about how we envied Will Smith in I Am Legend. A life of solitude with an awesome dog didn't seem too shabby.. post apocalyptic infected or not. But then this terrible thing happened: time. My kids are more independent. I can see them hanging with their friends in a few more years and I won't be the "it" thing. It sucks rolling over in the bed on a winter night and feeling an ice cold spot next to you. Friends with benefits gets old because we are all rotating friends for more exciting benefits and we know it, its just unspoken. It's like we have the benefits line and we are all standing in it, waiting our turn to get a piece. Trying new benefits isn't always good to do either. You don't know if your care will be up to par for all that... "ails you." I have no one to force to watch Food Network with me. Whenever I need a massage I have to actually go to a massage parlor. (who do...

Why do I keep doing this? I've already said that I quit on love . I took about a year off of dating, an entire year! I sat by myself and attempted to sort out my life's meaning and pursue more tangible goals that didn't involve the ever elusive "real love" that dwells in the habitat of "Dysfunctional Peoplelia". So! Let's go down the roster, shall we? Jimmy: That's not his real name, but I never was fond of putting people on front street via blog. Jimmy is 45, has 5 kids and two marriages under his belt. The kids are grown with the exception of the Irish twins who are the same age as my youngest. He is separated from his last wife for three years now and neither of them have made an effort to divorce. I don't know if its laziness, hope, or financial. Perhaps all three? I'm not looking to jump a broom so I don't care very much. He and I hang out, laugh, smooch, and text. However, he is a bit distant. Before you tell me that hangin...

Sometimes I like to play this game on Facebook with my friends. I post " I knew the date was over when..." and friends chime in with all sorts of wacky stories. So, I've decided to share some of my "I knew the date was over" 's with my Kinky Crew... want to read it? Here it goes!: I Knew The Date Was Over When...  He showed me his house arrest anklet.  He had handcuffs on the steering wheel. He tongue kissed my nose...twice. He drooled on me while we were making out. He said he wish he had breasts He pulled his penis out and showed me his tattoo that said "High Voltage" He ordered 50 buffalo wings and asked me what I wanted.  He showed me his cell phone and a text came in that said "Missing you" He told me that he his hernia mesh kept breaking.  He admitted that she stalked his ex wife in Walmart He spent the entire date asking for advice on his current relationship He had a hug fetish and asked for 9 hugs ...

It's happened. You're in the heat of the moment and there is the tell tale popping sound; the latex sling shot that was the sole barrier between passion and pregnancy (and other things we won't mention). Or the stroke was dope until the rain coat decided to slip off in the midst of the downpour. It's in those moments that one of two things happen: You either pretend that it didn't happen and in the heat of the moment take your chances or you take a pause to strap up and then tap up once again. Either option isn't ideal. So today, I found the Tailor Fit Condom . For only about $1.25 USD each, you will gain the experience of a jimmy that doesn't shimmy (Oh, I really impressed myself with that one). These condoms which go by the brand name of Sustain are organic, Kosher, and GMO free. I feel like I should wrap my sushi in these things. I haven't found any reviews on these condoms but should you decide to give them a try, I welcome you to leave a review r...

It's 11:39pm and instead of spooning with my significant other or at minimum, sleeping I am up typing another blog for my business. Can I do this tomorrow? Of course, but why? Tomorrow will only bring new demands to my day and I will have to conquer those before the following day.  This cycle never seems to end and as fatigued as I become, my commitment to my goal to be successful in my start-up outweighs any relationship , logic, and lately food.  I casually graze all day rather than sit down and actually enjoy a meal.  I joined an online dating service and have no time to reply to potential love interests. When I tell them that I am busy launching my own business they all seem excited and no sooner than a few days they have long given up on me, due to my tardy and brief replies which only serve as obligatory echoes to their valiant attempts at capturing my attention.  No, I don't spoon with anyone at night. I don't have leisure conversation. I don't sp...

I've had more terrible dates than I care to share. Who am I kidding? I always share.  This time, I want to start sharing dating experiences of other's that are full of wit and entertainment for all of us kinky thinkers to enjoy. So, if you have a dating story that you believe is worth sharing, send it here  and it may be featured on the next Confessions blog post! We can all use a good laugh on our unfortunate dating experiences. I have shared quite a few of mine right here on my own from guy who we now call 50 Wings , to The Bus Driver.   I have had my share of horrible dates and the best way for me to regroup and move past them is to share them with my kinky following. Hope to read your stories soon! 

I had a tumultuous 9 year relationship. We were on again and off again but we were on more times than we were off. Each time we parted ways, it was always for the same reasons. Finally I legally severed my ties with that person and I was able to move on with my life. Eventually I met another man and he was a good man with a lot of heartache. Looking back, I can admit that I had some heartache of my own. He and I also created a cycle of breaking up and making up as well. However, his offenses were far less major than those of my ex husband. Hardened however by the issues of the past, I didn't give the new guy much of a chance before I ran for my life and ended things. When breaking up, you should always have a definitive reason for your departure from the relationship. If you know why you are leaving you can state the issues factually and acknowledge that without change, you couldn't continue within the relationship. If you make up, the decision should be logical. Don...

Listen, or in this case, read: Being single doesn't always feel easy. The couple giving PDA shamelessly boasting their love for each other and passionate sex life can make a single person suddenly become quite conscious of their status. Social media is no help either. People post selfies with their significant other and create a parallel universe where every relationship is actually a happy one ( I opt not to believe the hype).  So why should you be happy to be single? Check out the reasons:  1. Dating is scary: I don't think I should have to elaborate on this but if you need me to, I will. Online dating is the way most people date these days. While it opens you to a huge population of potential suitors, it also opens you to a huge population of weirdos and d-bags.  2. There is no chosen one: Once you realize that there is no perfect person. You can quit pining away after the imaginary super model type who has no idea that they are gorgeous, makes six figu...

Mark and I need to have a talk. While he is off someplace romancing his wife with the millions of dollars earned through enhancing social media beyond what most minds could fathom (the mind I am mainly speak of is good old Tom from MySpace) there are people who are suffering because of it. Okay, I'm exaggerating. Blame it on being a kid with older siblings whose vivid imagination was birthed out of necessity. But back to Mark Z... Facebook has come a long way from what it was back in 2009 or whenever the heck it was launched. Not only can you do most of your shopping on the social media site, but you can also pick up a date. You read that correctly. Facebook is a great place to find your boo, your baby, hell... your bae. *cringe* ( I so hate that word). Why is this? Well allow me to share: The Cheers Factor : Remember Cheers? God. I'm dating myself. It was before Woody Harrelson was a bad arse in Natural Born Killers. Please say you have seen Natural Born Killers. Cheers w...

I don't know what the heck we are doing. All I know is I tossed on some leggings, a leopard kaftan top, some booties and hoop earrings. Red lip stick and a smile topped it off. I was "hanging out". Now going to the movies with someone of the opposite sex that you find attractive... is that hanging out? I suppose it is if you agreed not to date, which is what we did. We met, he asked me to meet and we did. We had milkshakes and conversation and then we went our separate ways. Later we both agreed that we were in different places. He is super single, no kids, and a yoga obsession. I'm super occupied: small business owner, two kids, and wine lover. But, despite our differences... he said "Let's hang out" and because I have been held captive by my own ambitions I accepted the invitation. Was it nice to chat with man who can hold a conversation? Yup. Was it nice to sit across from a man I find attractive? Certainly. Is our interaction serving any poin...

He loves me. At least, thats what he said. He loves me more and more each and every day. But he was still seeing other women, and he was still caught up with his ex-girlfriend, and he was comfortable with our complicated relationship that held a clumsy banner over it labeled "friends". He said that he wanted to be friends and "who knows" what God had in store for us. He was open minded. I listened. I even agreed initially. But then he wanted to know why I didn't call him back, or why I seemed distant. He could sense even the slightest distance and yet he couldn't seem to figure out that his careless handling of my feelings were making an already complex relationship damned near incomprehensible. "I love you." "I love you more and more each day" "I miss you" " I want to cuddle with you" In the same breath it could be " I went on a date" or "I was with my ex" It all was so confusing, until I re...

I have to admit that with age, each man that I have met has been more impressive than the one before him. I have met a few good men within the past year or so and I would remiss if I didn't grab a pair of knee pads and thank God a few times. I wonder what about me changed that caused me to experience a change in the men that I met. I know that I have gotten older and the poor relationship that I was committed to began when I was much younger. In fact, I think that it taught me a lot about what I didnt want to endure in a relationship. So here I am today... single. One may ask why that is. A few sentences ago, I mentioned meeting a few good men. So why is it that I am not with any of them? Well, the answer is simple. Good doesn't necessarily mean good for me . The first step to dating with purpose (and I say this because many people date aimlessly and aren't looking for anything in particular) is to know what you want. You need to know what it is that you want from a man...

photo courtesy of phillymag His name was ****. I met him back when I worked for a property management company in DC. I was going to grab a bite from a Jamaican spot called sweet mango and he practically jogged to meet me. I actually tripped trying to accelerate out of his reach. Understand that I don't take too kindly to men approaching me while I'm out and about. We spoke for a bit over the phone, but we were both going through way too much. He just had surgery on a hernia and was on a limited budget to his leave of absence from work for the surgery and I was gung-ho for divorce and struggling working a part time gig. We fell off ( I often do that with many people). Fast forward to a few weeks ago. He contacted me on FB (we weren't FBfriends at the time so a search was performed...hey, I'm worth searching for! lol) and we started chatting again. He said that he never forgot about me and he wanted to try again now that our lives have finally found stability...

I have been down this road before. I have tried dating and found that it is exhausting, demanding and fruitless. However I always hear my friends and sister tell me that there is the right person out there for me and all I need to do is be patient enough to locate this mystery individual. Well, when I least expected it... I met someone that really peaked my interest. Intelligent, cute, ambitous, sensible, cultured, humorous... the list indeed goes on. Can I tell you that even with all these positive attributes I was filled with nothing but apprehension? I seem to have a real problem. I am always eager to dive head first into a dummy rain puddle and petrified to wade in the ocean of bliss that is a healthy relationship. So, there I was wearing a life jacket and goggles, umbrella in hand totally fearful of embarking on anything with this person and then finally I took the plunge. Boy, did I take the plunge. I will leave the details to myself. Either way, I didn't have too much of...

I haven't even begun to take the plunge into the world of dating and I am already disgruntled and discouraged. Apparently the men I am interested in are never interested in me. The men I am never interested in seem to flock toward me. It's a very frustrating dilemma to say the least. Realizing that I am now 30 years old, semi-single ( divorce set to take place this summer [insert fist pumping here] ), a mother of two, moderately attractive, and lonely only leads me to believe that I should start socializing and seek the companionship of a man. Well, that's not as easy as it sounds. See, I have a knack for attracting the most unsavory characters that can be best described as uncanny. Take Leroy, the southern gentleman who refused to speak to me on the phone and would only text. He had big plans for us. He wanted us to develop an exclusive relationship through LOL's and smiley faces. That didn't work out. Recently I was introduced to Desmond. He's another southern...

My Funny Valentine Initially, when you said to me that you sent me a gesture of affection I'm the form of an email... I failed to express how unnecessary it was that you did such a thing Instead I chose to be thankful that you thought of me although as the years have gone by my eyes have acquired a clarity that enables me To see Right through you And when I read "your" words in a tone and richness I never heard I immediately questioned the origin of your expression After all it always seemed as if you created a profession of "yessing" me to death For no particular reason But apparently, for Mr. Misleading it's still hunting season And I must look like an easy catch Well,... Allow me to snatch back your fantasy and impose my reality on you The way you imposed your contrived charm on me. Despite your claims of refusing to play games And creating erratic brain waves just to find the right words to say... I copied your message Yup, the whole k...