Boredom : When Being Single Becomes a Drag

Initially I loved being single. I used to joke with a friend about how we envied Will Smith in I Am Legend. A life of solitude with an awesome dog didn't seem too shabby.. post apocalyptic infected or not. But then this terrible thing happened: time.
My kids are more independent. I can see them hanging with their friends in a few more years and I won't be the "it" thing.
It sucks rolling over in the bed on a winter night and feeling an ice cold spot next to you.
Friends with benefits gets old because we are all rotating friends for more exciting benefits and we know it, its just unspoken. It's like we have the benefits line and we are all standing in it, waiting our turn to get a piece. Trying new benefits isn't always good to do either. You don't know if your care will be up to par for all that... "ails you."
I have no one to force to watch Food Network with me.
Whenever I need a massage I have to actually go to a massage parlor. (who does that?)
Leftovers take forever to finish so eating rice for breakfast is the new normal in my house.
I have to kill every bug and take out the garbage every day. For some reason it doesn't feel right.
Traveling would be a lot more fun to plan if I didn't have to do it alone.
I have no one to say I'm with when a gross man tries to hit on me. I've been single so long the lie doesn't come naturally anymore and I just end up saying... "I'm in something".
Being single has it's perks but sometimes it just sucks.
It would be nice to have a kiss that means something, or a hand resting peacefully on my leg. I'd like to evict all of the spiders living in this cob webbed vagina of mine. I would like to live out all of my naughty fantasies with someone that I can trust. I'd like to have a man taste my cooking and say "baby that was good.". I'd like to have a man taste other things and say "baby that was good". Tee hee.
Instead I hang up every picture, haul the trash back into the yard, and entertain the 24 year old Spanish custodian at my weekend job. He looks at me walk by him with sincere gratitude and attempts to make small talk with me in Spanish while casually tossing in English words. It won't go anywhere but I'm learning that a man that can't speak to me is probably the best thing that ever happened to me.