Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

photo courtesy of  www.grandparents.com I think the best way to start this off is to give you an understanding of my relationship with food. First, we have a relationship. That should say something. The healthy person eats to live, and I live to eat. I'm not sure how it all started honestly. My memory only goes back to about age 4 and at that time, I wasn't conscious of much of anything. I didn't think about my body. I hadn't compared it to anyone else. I was just as clueless about food. I never thought of eating too much or too little. I don't recall being hungry at that age. I just remember being fed. I was a picky eater. Cold cuts made me nauseous. A hot egg sandwich could be ingested but if you tossed a hot drink in the mix (like tea or cocoa), I was tossing cookies. If my dinner had too many ingredients, I picked around it. My mom was always one green pepper or onion slice away from ruining my meal. The only thing I ate to the last drop without fail wa...

Today, I am fighting the urge to consume everything in my path. My eating habits are unhealthy a lot of the time, healthy some of the time, and emotionally driven all the time. If I am feeling good, I eat clean. I have salads, I have lean protein, I work out, I live the lifestyle of someone who wants to live past 70. When I am feeling bad... its another story. I eat DIRTY. I have cupcakes, gummy bears, sunflower seeds, Mr. Goodbars, Kit Kats, and pizza. I will order a medium pizza and devour it with buffalo wings and bleu cheese faster than you can say "don't do it". Some years ago, I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). I am not one of the folks who don't believe in psychiatric evaluation. I know first hand that depression is a very real and very dangerous thing that has inflicted me for many years but has become more prevalent with age. I believe this is because the older you get the more problems you have. Since I am in an age range where one is norm...

Its no secret. I am a voluptuous woman. I was never as thin as most of my friends in High School and after birthing 4 children, my body has pretty much stood its ground after the fourth. I have lost 20lbs and it seems as if the 21st pound is completely out of the question. My body won't lose another pound. Not. One. So, I work out (sometimes), I eat right (most times) and I try not to think about how much I would love to be back in a size 9 (all of the time). Lately I give myself a break and go on a total PMS binge that involves consuming all of the comfort food I desire. Weeks later, I feel guilty and work out like a maniac to lose the three pounds I gained bingeing. This is not a healthy way to live, but it is still my life as it is now. I hope to change it. Some people are addicted to drugs. Others are addicted to sex (thanks to Tiger Woods, Eric Benet and the long list of celebrities who have pinned their infidelity on an illness). I am addicted to food. About three years ago ...