Its no secret. I am a voluptuous woman. I was never as thin as most of my friends in High School and after birthing 4 children, my body has pretty much stood its ground after the fourth. I have lost 20lbs and it seems as if the 21st pound is completely out of the question. My body won't lose another pound. Not. One.
So, I work out (sometimes), I eat right (most times) and I try not to think about how much I would love to be back in a size 9 (all of the time). Lately I give myself a break and go on a total PMS binge that involves consuming all of the comfort food I desire. Weeks later, I feel guilty and work out like a maniac to lose the three pounds I gained bingeing. This is not a healthy way to live, but it is still my life as it is now. I hope to change it.
Some people are addicted to drugs. Others are addicted to sex (thanks to Tiger Woods, Eric Benet and the long list of celebrities who have pinned their infidelity on an illness). I am addicted to food.
About three years ago I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). This was a revelation for me. It helped me understand why I was an emotional eater. When things went wrong, or basically anytime I felt or feel uncomfortable my brain assigns a food to comfort me.
My list of cravings isn't very long so I rotate between items. Pizza, cupcakes/cake, buffalo wings smothered in Blue Cheese, and comfort meals like mac and cheese, or caribbean cuisine pretty much make up my list of "feel good food".
I tend to be very private about my bingeing. I find it to be very be very embarrassing since I have absolutely no control over my eating and I lead an otherwise very controlled and organized life. However when it comes to food, I struggle. Food almost always wins the battle.
Unlike other women who can consume large quantities of junk and maintain their weight I can gain weight quite easily without the aid of poor eating habits. At the moment, I am thinking about a cupcake with a light whipped frosting. I know exactly which grocery store I would like to buy them from and I would love to have some vanilla soy milk to go with it. Maybe that craving doesn't sound too bad to you. The truth is that I can polish off three cupcakes in a sitting. (Sounding like a problem now?)
So while I continue this battle of the bulge I have to admit that my slowed weight loss and habitual weight gain is largely due to my emotional eating and food addiction.
I have also come to realize that my addiction is a weakness, a flaw in my character. Its something that has far too much power in my life. I also feel that by giving in to that power, I take away all the good things that can happen in my life had I exercised control over my cravings. Knowing all of this is not going to cure me of this problem, but its a step in the right direction.
I'm not sure what your struggle is, but being honest with yourself is the first step in conquering whatever it is that you are struggling with. I hope that by exposing my demon, perhaps you will find the strength to expose and conquer your own.
Be Strong.
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