One Day I Woke Up And Loved Myself

One Day I Woke Up And Loved Myself

Love is something that I knew how to give but had to learn to receive. Though my love language is words of affirmation, it was far easier to accept a "good job" than an "I love you". I realized that rejecting the possibility of being sincerely loved enabled me to prevent myself from becoming vulnerable. Why become vulnerable when you don't trust anyone to love you? 

This wayward method of suppressing my emotions went on for years and manifested into many dysfunctional relationships and self-sabotage. As time passed on I had to come to a point where I accepted myself without scrutiny. Yes, I have chicken legs, and yes my stomach has stretch marks that mar my abdomen with the war scars of motherhood. Yes, I have circles under my eyes that remind me of the broken promises of sleep I have made over the years. I'm divorced. My memory is about as good as the devil and for every pound I lose I seem to gain two back again. I never take my vitamin supplements and my patience has only thinned with age. All of these things that I used to mull over have now become no more than supporting facts to a an argument that I no longer need to prove : I'm wonderfully made. 

Although others may have believed it, I wasn't always sold. I would say that I was a wonderful person but it was more of a reminder of what I should feel but didn't truly believe. 

It wasn't until I was able to openly profess my flaws to myself and before others that I learned to love myself in spite of them. I learned that others' perception of me didn't validate me or justify my own perception of myself. My knowledge of who I am as a woman, mother, daughter, sister, and friend became the fact and finally I was enough. 

This discovery of self love was a journey but I can't tell you the steps that I took or the hours of work that I put in. All I can say is that I had a true desire to accept myself as is. Eventually, I believe my desire surpassed my insecurities and one day I woke up and fell in love with my own reflection. 

There are many things in life that we can control, and self-acceptance is one of them. Allowing others to sit in the judgment seat and decide our value, beauty, intellect and use is a disservice to our growth. We are Kings and Queens and have dominion over how we allow ourselves to be loved. That doesn't mean that we can force people to view us from a place of adoration, it means that we shouldn't care to will them into loving us because we willfully love ourselves just fine with or without their agreement. 

Be Blessed, 

Yomi

This blog was posted by Yomi on Yomi Heart Song Healing