What I Hate About You *Random Venting*

What I hate about you is that you are always right, even when you are absolutely wrong. I hate that the most simplest of things become complex for no reason when it comes to you and me. I hate that I have to bask in the peace between us with the ever-present anticipation of the war that will come soon after. I hate that you manipulate me into loving you only to take and give yours without a moments notice. I hate that you make me pay for everyone else's mistakes and wrong doings. I hate that you love me phenomenally one moment and hate me with a passion of equal intensity the next. I hate that I have to forgive your transgressions and I am steadily paying for my own instead of being forgiven. I hate that whenever we are happy we are so very happy and whenever we are angry, its enough to make me wish I didn't get deceived by our happier times. I hate that there is no expressing myself to you because you close every door, and put up every wall each and every time you feel slighted. I hate that you kick my walls down even when I tell you I need time to be vulnerable and hide behind them. I hate that you don't realize or even care when I am slighted. I hate that your feelings are the theme, end all be all of our relationship. I hate that there is a part of you that is perfection and there is a part of you that is flawed and broken. I hate that I spend time trying to embrace you and you spend your time trying to "fix" me. I hate that we can't heal together, but instead only make each other sick. I hate that I still try although its a losing battle. I hate that you don't care. I hate that you've grown cold. I hate that when you finally warm up, I'm too cold to receive your warmth. I hate the emotional roller coaster that we are constantly on, that starts off as a thrilling ride and ends up with my stomach in knots. I hate that we are so intimate, connected and familiar and days later, we are disconnected to the point we may as well be strangers. I hate that you have limited yourself from all I had to offer because I wasn't offering it to you on your schedule, at your pace, in your time, and in your way. I hate that I am at the whim of your convoluted emotions and no matter how much I try to learn you I can't keep up or understand you. I hate that we are only okay if you are okay. I hate that you and I, everlasting is nothing more than a deluded fantasy. I hate our reality. I hate that you feed me lies when you are content and I eagerly consume them. I hate that I love you. Above all things, I hate that I believed you loved me.