Skip to main content

What I Hate About You *Random Venting*

What I hate about you is that you are always right, even when you are absolutely wrong. I hate that the most simplest of things become complex for no reason when it comes to you and me. I hate that I have to bask in the peace between us with the ever-present anticipation of the war that will come soon after. I hate that you manipulate me into loving you only to take and give yours without a moments notice. I hate that you make me pay for everyone else's mistakes and wrong doings. I hate that you love me phenomenally one moment and hate me with a passion of equal intensity the next. I hate that I have to forgive your transgressions and I am steadily paying for my own instead of being forgiven. I hate that whenever we are happy we are so very happy and whenever we are angry, its enough to make me wish I didn't get deceived by our happier times. I hate that there is no expressing myself to you because you close every door, and put up every wall each and every time you feel slighted. I hate that you kick my walls down even when I tell you I need time to be vulnerable and hide behind them. I hate that you don't realize or even care when I am slighted. I hate that your feelings are the theme, end all be all of our relationship. I hate that there is a part of you that is perfection and there is a part of you that is flawed and broken. I hate that I spend time trying to embrace you and you spend your time trying to "fix" me. I hate that we can't heal together, but instead only make each other sick. I hate that I still try although its a losing battle. I hate that you don't care. I hate that you've grown cold. I hate that when you finally warm up, I'm too cold to receive your warmth. I hate the emotional roller coaster that we are constantly on, that starts off as a thrilling ride and ends up with my stomach in knots. I hate that we are so intimate, connected and familiar and days later, we are disconnected to the point we may as well be strangers. I hate that you have limited yourself from all I had to offer because I wasn't offering it to you on your schedule, at your pace, in your time, and in your way. I hate that I am at the whim of your convoluted emotions and no matter how much I try to learn you I can't keep up or understand you. I hate that we are only okay if you are okay. I hate that you and I, everlasting is nothing more than a deluded fantasy. I hate our reality. I hate that you feed me lies when you are content and I eagerly consume them. I hate that I love you. Above all things, I hate that I believed you loved me.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And I Am Telling You... Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!

Dreamgirls was a successful Broadway play for years. It even made it's way to the big screen in 2006. Original headliners of the staged version included then little known Loretta Divine and now long forgotten Jennifer Holliday. Watching the performance of the then robust and popular Holliday allowed me to witness her successful portrayal of the scorned character Effie White. In a passionate performance she screamed, sobbed and belted the lyrics of "And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" in such a way that years later many have made a valiant effort to match her vocal bravado in singing the same song. Of those attempts, most have fallen far from the mark. With this knowledge, I wondered why was it that Jennifer Hollidays career didn't move much further beyond her Dreamgirls fame. Upon doing a bit of google research ( not the most reliable, but definitely the most convenient) I have found several theories as to why Jennifer Holiday's career came to a standstill...
Post a Comment
Read more

Good Morning Heartache....

When I was about 14 my mother gave me a book called "Good Morning Holy Spirit". It was a Christian book that was aimed to keep believers in tune with God. It encouraged the reader to wake up each morning and greet God, allowing Him to play a role in your life each day. I still try to do that. Recently, I realized that another part of my life that I can certainly do without is heartache. Getting married and going through the motions of a divorce gives way to feelings that are far from pleasant. It's stressful, it's emotionally draining and it hurts like the dickens. With all of these aches and pains I still press on with my decision to end my marriage. My husband understands. For the first time last night, I poured my heart out to him, sobbed and expressed my pain. I told him that I loved him, but I could never be with him again. I admitted that I don't know how to be his wife. I admitted that I am petrified of being a single parent to two girls. I mourn...
2 comments
Read more

K-Ci & Jo-Jo Come Clean.... : REVIEW

When I heard that K-Ci and Jo-Jo were coming out with a reality show documenting their experience going through rehab, I was excited. The first thing I wanted to know was which one was K-Ci and which one was Jo-Jo (yes, it has been that long since I have seen let alone heard of them since highschool). I always loved Jodeci and when the two lead singers of the group branched off and made a few ballads I looked forward to hearing more, but more never came. Years passed by and I continued to play their hits and came to terms with the fact that this group was never going to reunite and the two brothers whose vocals lead the group to super stardom with were coked up and out for the count. Enter K-Ci and Jo-Jo: Coming Clean. I figured they were going to finally boot the snow blizzard that packed their nostrils. WRONG. They are kicking the alcohol habit. They claim that there was never a drug problem. We all have heard otherwise, but they insist. If moscato can turn me into what these t...
9 comments
Read more