I love Marvin Gaye. I love how he croons along with Tammi Terrell about having the "Real Thing".
If you have followed my blog over the years, you have seen me get separated, divorced, and hit the dating scene. Its been a long road.
There was a time that I was dating just to get my feet wet. I just wanted to get into the habit of conversing and entertaining men in a way that I hadn't due to the confines of marriage. I just wanted to be single again. Eventually I came to want more. I wanted to have something...real.
I am not a traditional woman. If I didn't have children I would likely never be married and I would be totally fine with living in a separate home from my significant other and connecting when we wanted to connect and maintaining space all other times. However, I have children...and my lifestyle preferences are not a priority. I am more interested in setting an example and foundation for my girls. So here I am, dating with a purpose.
I have been on POF, Match, eHarmony, Christian Mingle,... I am not stranger to meeting men online and seeing what can become of it. However, I am becoming far too familiar with the disappointment that comes along with hoping that I have met the real thing and realizing that it just really wasn't for me.
I had to question myself. Was I going about this the wrong way? Are my standards too high? Am I unrealistic? Am I hard to get along with? Do I even want to be in a relationship?
Some years ago, Quentin Tarantino came out with a film called Kill Bill. A scorned woman basically went on a killing spree seeking revenge for her attempted murder by her ..."colleagues" and lover. She obtained a sword crafted by the great "Hattori Hanzo". The blade was so sharp that even God in heaven was supposed to be able to feel it. Anyhow, she went on a rampage and many were slain. The ongoing joke within my circle of friends is that I am a Hattor Wielding Woman who chops men at the first sign of nonsense. Its true. I wave my sword and really get busy getting rid of men that don't seem to fit in with what I am looking for.
Recently, I have met what seems to be a great guy. He is a good father, he is divorced for a few years now, he seems like a faithful friend, he is generally positive, he is humorous, he is good looking, fit, shares similar spiritual foundation as I do, he is tall, he is ambitious, intelligent, and sweet (at times).
Whats the issue? Well there are a few. He lives really far away... 7 or 8 hours. He is emotionally guarded. This is nothing that I am not used to. Honestly, I am the same way. However, at times he is the equivalent to a HS girl in the back seat of an old Chevy. Legs, clamped shut, arm holding the anxious ball player at bay, head turned sideways. This is him emotionally. Don't get me wrong, its not even been two months of communication with him however one has to wonder when he is going to give an inch. Since we dont see each other, I need to at least hear how he feels about me. I need to hear that I matter to him, bring him happiness, am special..something! He does show how he feels toward me in many ways, he calls, texts, we skype etc. however, a relationship that is built on the foundation of strictly verbal communication leaves much to be desired. I don't get to see him in person. I don't get to hug him, kiss him, watch a movie with him, lay on a couch with him. I just sit and talk on the phone or text.
Now before I discovered that I liked him, this was all quite engaging. I enjoyed every bit of it. Once I knew I liked him, suddenly I felt the pang of the hunger for more. I wanted more of him and realized I couldn't explore this relationship anywhere beyond the point were were and had been for almost two months now.
Being in a long distance relationship, you really have to commit yourself to the understanding that you will suffer. You will want to see and be with this person and you cannot. You will sometimes feel lonely even though you aren't technically "alone". You will want to hug this person and you will have to rely on a emoticon instead (they aren't as warm... trust me). There is so much to be desired.
So here I am, waiting to see him. He is coming for my bday weekend and while he isn't my boyfriend, we decided to date exclusively so we can focus on each other. That sounded like a great idea since we had the distance between us. I don't think we would have come this far with distractions. At the same time, within the past week or so, I have been far less enthusiastic about us. I don't know if I am indifferent, as the complacent pace of our relationship has taken its toll on me or if perhaps something else has changed.
I am of the thought that I simply need more at this point. I need to see him. I cannot sustain my interest on phone calls, texts and skypes anymore. I will say that anytime I see him on skype I light up. I love seeing his face. When he calls, I am sure to take it but the texts are about as meaningful as that penny that rolls out of your pocket and you look at it and don't even bother to retrieve it.
This isnt saying I dont think he is great, but lets go back to the topic of this blog "The Real Thing"...
In any relationship, loneliness, togetherness, physical interaction or lack thereof, laughter and conversation are all very real. Whether you have the pleasure of feeling a hug or the displeasure of wishing you had one, those are all very real.
I realize that I am greedy. I realize he gives and engages me plenty which is why I am still exploring this...however, I need more. I have to be in his presence. I am greedy. I'm not ashamed. I have to have more than what we had now and I am thankful that my birthday is around the corner. I don't think I would have lasted another 4 weeks with things as they are.
So I am waiting to see him and determine how I truly feel about this man.
I need to see what we really have, and I am at the point where no technology is going to reveal what a face to face meeting can.
If you have followed my blog over the years, you have seen me get separated, divorced, and hit the dating scene. Its been a long road.
There was a time that I was dating just to get my feet wet. I just wanted to get into the habit of conversing and entertaining men in a way that I hadn't due to the confines of marriage. I just wanted to be single again. Eventually I came to want more. I wanted to have something...real.
I am not a traditional woman. If I didn't have children I would likely never be married and I would be totally fine with living in a separate home from my significant other and connecting when we wanted to connect and maintaining space all other times. However, I have children...and my lifestyle preferences are not a priority. I am more interested in setting an example and foundation for my girls. So here I am, dating with a purpose.
I have been on POF, Match, eHarmony, Christian Mingle,... I am not stranger to meeting men online and seeing what can become of it. However, I am becoming far too familiar with the disappointment that comes along with hoping that I have met the real thing and realizing that it just really wasn't for me.
I had to question myself. Was I going about this the wrong way? Are my standards too high? Am I unrealistic? Am I hard to get along with? Do I even want to be in a relationship?
Some years ago, Quentin Tarantino came out with a film called Kill Bill. A scorned woman basically went on a killing spree seeking revenge for her attempted murder by her ..."colleagues" and lover. She obtained a sword crafted by the great "Hattori Hanzo". The blade was so sharp that even God in heaven was supposed to be able to feel it. Anyhow, she went on a rampage and many were slain. The ongoing joke within my circle of friends is that I am a Hattor Wielding Woman who chops men at the first sign of nonsense. Its true. I wave my sword and really get busy getting rid of men that don't seem to fit in with what I am looking for.
Recently, I have met what seems to be a great guy. He is a good father, he is divorced for a few years now, he seems like a faithful friend, he is generally positive, he is humorous, he is good looking, fit, shares similar spiritual foundation as I do, he is tall, he is ambitious, intelligent, and sweet (at times).
Whats the issue? Well there are a few. He lives really far away... 7 or 8 hours. He is emotionally guarded. This is nothing that I am not used to. Honestly, I am the same way. However, at times he is the equivalent to a HS girl in the back seat of an old Chevy. Legs, clamped shut, arm holding the anxious ball player at bay, head turned sideways. This is him emotionally. Don't get me wrong, its not even been two months of communication with him however one has to wonder when he is going to give an inch. Since we dont see each other, I need to at least hear how he feels about me. I need to hear that I matter to him, bring him happiness, am special..something! He does show how he feels toward me in many ways, he calls, texts, we skype etc. however, a relationship that is built on the foundation of strictly verbal communication leaves much to be desired. I don't get to see him in person. I don't get to hug him, kiss him, watch a movie with him, lay on a couch with him. I just sit and talk on the phone or text.
Now before I discovered that I liked him, this was all quite engaging. I enjoyed every bit of it. Once I knew I liked him, suddenly I felt the pang of the hunger for more. I wanted more of him and realized I couldn't explore this relationship anywhere beyond the point were were and had been for almost two months now.
Being in a long distance relationship, you really have to commit yourself to the understanding that you will suffer. You will want to see and be with this person and you cannot. You will sometimes feel lonely even though you aren't technically "alone". You will want to hug this person and you will have to rely on a emoticon instead (they aren't as warm... trust me). There is so much to be desired.
So here I am, waiting to see him. He is coming for my bday weekend and while he isn't my boyfriend, we decided to date exclusively so we can focus on each other. That sounded like a great idea since we had the distance between us. I don't think we would have come this far with distractions. At the same time, within the past week or so, I have been far less enthusiastic about us. I don't know if I am indifferent, as the complacent pace of our relationship has taken its toll on me or if perhaps something else has changed.
I am of the thought that I simply need more at this point. I need to see him. I cannot sustain my interest on phone calls, texts and skypes anymore. I will say that anytime I see him on skype I light up. I love seeing his face. When he calls, I am sure to take it but the texts are about as meaningful as that penny that rolls out of your pocket and you look at it and don't even bother to retrieve it.
This isnt saying I dont think he is great, but lets go back to the topic of this blog "The Real Thing"...
In any relationship, loneliness, togetherness, physical interaction or lack thereof, laughter and conversation are all very real. Whether you have the pleasure of feeling a hug or the displeasure of wishing you had one, those are all very real.
I realize that I am greedy. I realize he gives and engages me plenty which is why I am still exploring this...however, I need more. I have to be in his presence. I am greedy. I'm not ashamed. I have to have more than what we had now and I am thankful that my birthday is around the corner. I don't think I would have lasted another 4 weeks with things as they are.
So I am waiting to see him and determine how I truly feel about this man.
I need to see what we really have, and I am at the point where no technology is going to reveal what a face to face meeting can.
Comments
Post a Comment