The Wiz

I decided to quit my job and go back to school. Unlike most people, my primary motivation for going back to school is not to make more money, but to finish what a started. I have embarked on numerous business ventures, books, friendships, relationships, diets (I can keep going, but I think you can get the point), only to fail because I didn't finish what I started. What's even more ridiculous is that legitimate interest has been taken with each of my "bright idea's" and I still never managed to bring my goals to the finish line.

The catalyst for most of my business plans was an extreme sense of discontentment in my life. As I would wait tables, or screen applicants, or break up for what seemed like the hundredth time, I would dream of a day of doing something I actually wanted to do as opposed to what landed in my lap. Granted that at some point, most of the things I have done were what I wanted at that particular moment, however not many of them were a part of my life's plan. So, I am a self proclaimed ADD Employee, Girlfriend, Dieter, Author... well, again you get the point. My attention is seldom held by anything for much longer than two years.

Sitting here at with just about three decades under my belt and somehow simultaneously in the form of a muffin top over my pants... I have decided that while the opportunity to finish first has long passed, finishing is still a viable option. I have jumped through several hoops in pursuit of "success". My definition of success was always measured by my credit score, finances, and job title. Now, its quite different. I feel that if I can be successful in maintaining a happy life than I have done more than most people. In fact, I would be making a vast improvement on the last ten or so years of my life!

When I had my first child, I had no clue what I was in for. I quickly learned that if I wanted to provide for her, I had to sacrifice many things. I did. My only desire was to make the income that I desired without the education that was required of me. In some ways, I did just that by working hard and getting promoted up the ranks over the years. However, there was always that quiet but ever-present dissatisfaction that I could not dismiss for the life of me.

And so, I got married, I moved into a condo, I switched jobs, I lost weight, I gained weight, I had another baby...there was no end to the changes that I made as I pursued this endless journey toward "success". I also picked up quite a few lessons along the way. Much like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I gained courage, heart, and knowledge. What truly surprised even me in the end, is that despite all that I have done the key to what really made me happy was far more simple than I had thought: believing in myself.

I don't have a blueprint for how I am going to manage as I complete my degree. Nor do I have an answer for how I am going to finance the education I will be receiving. I do have payment for the first semester, but not much else. However, despite how willy nilly and irrational my decisions may seem my happiness is far more important to me now more than ever before. And so I plan to go back to school and finish my degree in Psychology, and the more I say it, the happier I become.

I feel as if I have lost myself in the pursuit of success. Going back to school is the last place where I can remember who I truly was. This decision has made me very happy, which is a feeling I haven't felt in quite some time but was once such a familiar place. Dorothy had it right, there is no place like home and happiness is where I plan to reside.