I hear this sentiment more often than I care to share. While I smile and accept it as a compliment, I also feel a pang of anger within.
I don't know why I'm single.
I can probably take a few guesses. I don't have time to date, or just don't make time. I'm completely open to meeting the man that I can spend my life with but one husband and several relationships later, that guy is looking like he doesn't exist.
Today, at my part time job, I met a guy. He's literally the cable guy and he came in to service an apartment. He was pretty flirtatious and I of course served it back to him. That's just in my nature. I don't know how NOT to be flirtatious, especially when my skills are being solicited.
I think that eventually giving the cable guy my number wasn't the most professional decision I've ever made but there was no way that I was going to pass up the potential that may lie within our meeting. Add to that the beautiful chocolate complexion and sweet way about him and it was darn near impossible to resist seeing where things can potentially go.
He told me he prefers a natural woman and as I subconsciously touched my fuzzy coiled mohawk, I'm sure I gave him a grin. One thing that I really appreciate about meeting someone in person is the lack of surprises as far as physical appearance goes. You can't hide behind angled selfies and throwback pictures. You have to show what you have at the very moment and if someone likes it, they like it. So when I got up to get the vendor keys so he can access the telecom room, it felt nice that he was just as appreciative of my appearance as he was when I was sitting at the front desk.
He told me that he was going to ask me to lunch and I responded "we'll see". Sure enough, when he was done with his work, he came back and asked for my phone number so we can make plans. Was he just my type? Nope. However, just my type hasn't worked for me. My type hasn't materialized into forever. It has only given me stints of hope followed by long periods of longing and disappointment. So I can deal with someone who isn't everything I want, but a heck of a lot of what I need. I can also appreciate anyone who can admire my beauty even without my eyebrows being penciled in. The Uncle Fester looks has never been a good one for a woman but I have been donning it since childhood. I have a large personality, but my eyebrows leave much to be desired (like eyebrows).
What I've learned is that sometimes what you want isn't what you need at all. I've wanted all kinds of men but none of them were the men that I needed in my life which is why the relationships never lasted. When you need something, you want to to keep it around. I used to say that to be wanted is a greater compliment than to be needed because having a need for something means you have no control. I now have a different outlook. When it comes to relationships, we get to choose who we need to have in our lives. We don't have to have to yield to our desires. We can instead yield to our needs. I need to have a man in my life that loves me the way I need to be loved. I need to have a man in my life that stands by me, is patient and can work with me, can build with me and can commit to us and all that comes along with us. I'm not saying that I have met him in my past or even this cable guy in my present. I'm saying that I'm open to meeting him and if I meet him, I seriously need him in my life.
After typing all of this I guess I can answer my own question. I'm single because I chose to be when my relationships were based on what I wanted rather than what I needed. I wanted a man that would spoil me, be super attractive, endowed, an intellectual, financially secure, etc. While all of those things are cool, they don't make a person. I struggle financially and most people in America do. I'm not super attractive. In fact, I'm unattractive to many people. I can't be what everyone likes. My intellect has limits like everyone else. I'm endowed in some areas and far less endowed in others. The gist of what I am trying to say is that no one is perfect, but there just may be someone that is perfect for me who has everything I need, which is just what I want.
Today, at my part time job, I met a guy. He's literally the cable guy and he came in to service an apartment. He was pretty flirtatious and I of course served it back to him. That's just in my nature. I don't know how NOT to be flirtatious, especially when my skills are being solicited.
I think that eventually giving the cable guy my number wasn't the most professional decision I've ever made but there was no way that I was going to pass up the potential that may lie within our meeting. Add to that the beautiful chocolate complexion and sweet way about him and it was darn near impossible to resist seeing where things can potentially go.
He told me he prefers a natural woman and as I subconsciously touched my fuzzy coiled mohawk, I'm sure I gave him a grin. One thing that I really appreciate about meeting someone in person is the lack of surprises as far as physical appearance goes. You can't hide behind angled selfies and throwback pictures. You have to show what you have at the very moment and if someone likes it, they like it. So when I got up to get the vendor keys so he can access the telecom room, it felt nice that he was just as appreciative of my appearance as he was when I was sitting at the front desk.
He told me that he was going to ask me to lunch and I responded "we'll see". Sure enough, when he was done with his work, he came back and asked for my phone number so we can make plans. Was he just my type? Nope. However, just my type hasn't worked for me. My type hasn't materialized into forever. It has only given me stints of hope followed by long periods of longing and disappointment. So I can deal with someone who isn't everything I want, but a heck of a lot of what I need. I can also appreciate anyone who can admire my beauty even without my eyebrows being penciled in. The Uncle Fester looks has never been a good one for a woman but I have been donning it since childhood. I have a large personality, but my eyebrows leave much to be desired (like eyebrows).
What I've learned is that sometimes what you want isn't what you need at all. I've wanted all kinds of men but none of them were the men that I needed in my life which is why the relationships never lasted. When you need something, you want to to keep it around. I used to say that to be wanted is a greater compliment than to be needed because having a need for something means you have no control. I now have a different outlook. When it comes to relationships, we get to choose who we need to have in our lives. We don't have to have to yield to our desires. We can instead yield to our needs. I need to have a man in my life that loves me the way I need to be loved. I need to have a man in my life that stands by me, is patient and can work with me, can build with me and can commit to us and all that comes along with us. I'm not saying that I have met him in my past or even this cable guy in my present. I'm saying that I'm open to meeting him and if I meet him, I seriously need him in my life.
After typing all of this I guess I can answer my own question. I'm single because I chose to be when my relationships were based on what I wanted rather than what I needed. I wanted a man that would spoil me, be super attractive, endowed, an intellectual, financially secure, etc. While all of those things are cool, they don't make a person. I struggle financially and most people in America do. I'm not super attractive. In fact, I'm unattractive to many people. I can't be what everyone likes. My intellect has limits like everyone else. I'm endowed in some areas and far less endowed in others. The gist of what I am trying to say is that no one is perfect, but there just may be someone that is perfect for me who has everything I need, which is just what I want.
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