First, I hope I don't ruffle any feathers with this one however I feel compelled to write this...
When I was a child I lived in a working class neighborhood that was predominantly black and Caribbean (sorry but there is a huge different in Caribbean upbringing in comparison with Black Southern, Black African or Black American upbringing so the need to differentiate felt necessary). I went to an elementary school that was filled with loads of black children, to the point that any fair skinned or white child was immediately identified and known by all because well, they weren't black. I exceled in my elementary school. I got the Assistant Principals award, I had poems published in my year book, I was in Talented and Gifted, I was in music, I went to the beach club with one of my teachers, pet sat for another, entered every statewide contest, aced my city wide tests... I was that kid. Hell, Sistah Souljah signed my year book and told me MY writing was good and she is the one who went on to publish a best seller!
Then I graduated. I got special placement into the junior high school my sister went to and I was psyched that I was going to be in the second top class of my grade. I was pimp walking all the way home. Then came the news: my mother informed me that I would not be going to the junior hs I thought I was going to. I was instead going to go across town to Bayside NY to go to Nathaniel Hawthorne... yeah, the dude wrote an awesome book (The Scarlet Letter) but other than that I knew that THAT school right there, was in an ASIAN and WHITE neighborhood. I didnt want to go. I cried. I cried on and off all summer. I didnt want to experience what was new. My mother sat me down one day and said: "I am preparing you for the real world." I was crushed. I was in the 7th class out of 10. Each class had exactly 5 black kids at the most. It was apparent to me that this wasnt a coincidence. They were not going to saturate the White/Asian population with blacks, and they had a strategy in place to keep that from happening.
I got a great education there, I moved on to Cardozo HS (also in Bayside) and became friends with Indians, Whites, and Asians of all cultures. I knew the difference between Mandarin and Cantonese, A Christian Indian and and a Muslim one, the beef between Chinese and Koreans, I can even say phrases in Greek, limited Indian dialects, Korean, Spanish, oh and I scored 98% on my French Proficiency so don't f*ck with me (sil vous plait).
After graduating, things happened, I had set backs but I have had numerous accomplishments. For a woman who didnt finish college, I gave a powerpoint presentation to a room full of white women who did and I was telling THEM how I thought things needed to be and they valued my insight. I worked alongside lawyers that worked for the FCC and generated enough income through surrogate recruitment to help maintain their abundant six figure salaries. I've already been informed that by this time next year, its likely I will be well on my way to team leader of a dept and I already chose thre first person I would like to see come aboard. Then, I look around and out of 12 people in my department, I am one of 2 Blacks and both of us are women. Sounds about right. Its almost the same ratio as Junior high.
When I think of my mothers words: "I'm preparing you for the real world"... I love her that much more because she had a wisdom I couldnt appreciate. The reality is that as a black person, or likely any colored person you are going to be the minority in more ways than one. The higher you climb toward success the less you will see others who look like you. You will be that 1 out of 5.
So when I was doing an interview with my boss and she said : "You know, I didnt know you were black until I met you. I couldnt tell over the phone."
I just took it in. I realized, that employers definitely take notice of that, if they aren't listening for it.
When I had the 2nd White person pick my brain about a Gold Winning Gymnast's hair... I realized that because I am probably the only black person they speak to, they are excited to pick my brain on the "black mind". I am an individual. Seldom do I run around prefacing anything I say with "as a Black woman"....its simply "in my opinion". The reality is that its likely you are PREFACED as a Black person no matter where you go or what you do and for that reason you have to be deemed "acceptable" by the whites to be able to mingle with them and make their money and gain their achievements. Whats bothersome is that even when you do it, there may be someone ignoring your accomplishment completely... to comment about your hair.
I've testified against bills before senators and was told the bill didnt pass and some believed the decision was greatly affected by my testimony. I have consulted, I have done hair out of my house, I have waitressed, I have DJ'd I have stood on the side of the road and tried to sell people on supporting enviromental causes. I have been so poor I waited for my baby to finish her food and I would eat her left overs.
The one thing I have always been is ME. I'm Me before anything else but the reality is that I will be Black in the eyes of everyone that ISN'T Black before they bother to know that Im capable, smart, and I kick ass and take names. I used to hope that by Whites meeting me they would change their views toward blacks and it was silly to hope for such a thing. More often than not, I'm only labeled me as an exception.
When I'm used as the Black spokesperson and answer eager inquires on every "Black Thing" they couldnt ask anyone else, I get angry because I am not the go-to for all things Black. We are individuals! I am ME! So, I can't hope for anything but for God to give me the strength to press forward and raise my kids to recognize the Black Experience, because I doubt its going anywhere but right to the next generation of Black Americans.
Above all, if I can instill anything in my children I want them to know they can win... not by a hair but WITH their hair. -For Gabby.
When I was a child I lived in a working class neighborhood that was predominantly black and Caribbean (sorry but there is a huge different in Caribbean upbringing in comparison with Black Southern, Black African or Black American upbringing so the need to differentiate felt necessary). I went to an elementary school that was filled with loads of black children, to the point that any fair skinned or white child was immediately identified and known by all because well, they weren't black. I exceled in my elementary school. I got the Assistant Principals award, I had poems published in my year book, I was in Talented and Gifted, I was in music, I went to the beach club with one of my teachers, pet sat for another, entered every statewide contest, aced my city wide tests... I was that kid. Hell, Sistah Souljah signed my year book and told me MY writing was good and she is the one who went on to publish a best seller!
Then I graduated. I got special placement into the junior high school my sister went to and I was psyched that I was going to be in the second top class of my grade. I was pimp walking all the way home. Then came the news: my mother informed me that I would not be going to the junior hs I thought I was going to. I was instead going to go across town to Bayside NY to go to Nathaniel Hawthorne... yeah, the dude wrote an awesome book (The Scarlet Letter) but other than that I knew that THAT school right there, was in an ASIAN and WHITE neighborhood. I didnt want to go. I cried. I cried on and off all summer. I didnt want to experience what was new. My mother sat me down one day and said: "I am preparing you for the real world." I was crushed. I was in the 7th class out of 10. Each class had exactly 5 black kids at the most. It was apparent to me that this wasnt a coincidence. They were not going to saturate the White/Asian population with blacks, and they had a strategy in place to keep that from happening.
I got a great education there, I moved on to Cardozo HS (also in Bayside) and became friends with Indians, Whites, and Asians of all cultures. I knew the difference between Mandarin and Cantonese, A Christian Indian and and a Muslim one, the beef between Chinese and Koreans, I can even say phrases in Greek, limited Indian dialects, Korean, Spanish, oh and I scored 98% on my French Proficiency so don't f*ck with me (sil vous plait).
After graduating, things happened, I had set backs but I have had numerous accomplishments. For a woman who didnt finish college, I gave a powerpoint presentation to a room full of white women who did and I was telling THEM how I thought things needed to be and they valued my insight. I worked alongside lawyers that worked for the FCC and generated enough income through surrogate recruitment to help maintain their abundant six figure salaries. I've already been informed that by this time next year, its likely I will be well on my way to team leader of a dept and I already chose thre first person I would like to see come aboard. Then, I look around and out of 12 people in my department, I am one of 2 Blacks and both of us are women. Sounds about right. Its almost the same ratio as Junior high.
When I think of my mothers words: "I'm preparing you for the real world"... I love her that much more because she had a wisdom I couldnt appreciate. The reality is that as a black person, or likely any colored person you are going to be the minority in more ways than one. The higher you climb toward success the less you will see others who look like you. You will be that 1 out of 5.
So when I was doing an interview with my boss and she said : "You know, I didnt know you were black until I met you. I couldnt tell over the phone."
I just took it in. I realized, that employers definitely take notice of that, if they aren't listening for it.
When I had the 2nd White person pick my brain about a Gold Winning Gymnast's hair... I realized that because I am probably the only black person they speak to, they are excited to pick my brain on the "black mind". I am an individual. Seldom do I run around prefacing anything I say with "as a Black woman"....its simply "in my opinion". The reality is that its likely you are PREFACED as a Black person no matter where you go or what you do and for that reason you have to be deemed "acceptable" by the whites to be able to mingle with them and make their money and gain their achievements. Whats bothersome is that even when you do it, there may be someone ignoring your accomplishment completely... to comment about your hair.
I've testified against bills before senators and was told the bill didnt pass and some believed the decision was greatly affected by my testimony. I have consulted, I have done hair out of my house, I have waitressed, I have DJ'd I have stood on the side of the road and tried to sell people on supporting enviromental causes. I have been so poor I waited for my baby to finish her food and I would eat her left overs.
The one thing I have always been is ME. I'm Me before anything else but the reality is that I will be Black in the eyes of everyone that ISN'T Black before they bother to know that Im capable, smart, and I kick ass and take names. I used to hope that by Whites meeting me they would change their views toward blacks and it was silly to hope for such a thing. More often than not, I'm only labeled me as an exception.
When I'm used as the Black spokesperson and answer eager inquires on every "Black Thing" they couldnt ask anyone else, I get angry because I am not the go-to for all things Black. We are individuals! I am ME! So, I can't hope for anything but for God to give me the strength to press forward and raise my kids to recognize the Black Experience, because I doubt its going anywhere but right to the next generation of Black Americans.
Above all, if I can instill anything in my children I want them to know they can win... not by a hair but WITH their hair. -For Gabby.
I'm no expert but in my humble opinion this is an excellent piece of literature.
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