A few blogs ago, I was giving my prospective on Co-Parenting.
Yesterday, my sister politely informed me that I am not co-parenting at all. Here's how she came to that conclusion:
As I may have mentioned before, since about July I have been working a part-time job in addition to my full time job and because of this I work 7 days a week. My part-time job is in Washington, DC which is about 1 hour away from my home. Instead of doing a total of 4 hours in commute time and gas mileage each weekend, I instead round up my daughters and crash at my mothers home which is 30 minutes away from my job saving me gas and time.
The girl's father lives about two minutes away from my mothers house so naturally once the girls are in the neighborhood they want to see their Dad.
Two weeks ago, he made arrangments to see them and came to pick them up about an hour after he said he would. The girls sat dressed staring out the window until he finally arrived. The following day he said that he would pick them up but never came. Thankfully they never got dressed for it and seemed to disregard him ever mentioning it (because he said he "might").
Last weekend, my eldest had a camping trip to prepare for. Strapped for cash caused by unexpected medical expenses, I told him I needed money to purchase her sleeping bag. He told me not to worry, that he had a prior engagement that night but he would drop off his sleeping bag for her to borrow in the morning. He said he would be there at 9am. We called him and eventually gave up at about 10am and then went to bought her a sleeping bag. It was at that point that it became apparent to my daughter that her father failed her. She began to cry.
I told her that today was a day for camp, not tears and we aren't going to let the problem get us down but work on the solution. We got her camp gear together and on the way home about 30 minutes before she was due to meet her peers and hit the road he called my cell.
"Sorry I just woke up" he says.
I tell him to deposit money in my account, he is no longer needed. He says okay and lets me know that he can only deposit $150 of the whopping $300 he supplies sporadically each month. I tell him to make it $200 and he says:
"Im on my way to the bank right now." This occured at 11:00 am.
At 12pm, he is asking me for my bank account information. The same information I have to supply to him each month because he doesnt save the texts or emails I send him.
At 1pm, he calls and starts off by saying:
"I know, I know. I'm a f-ck up. The bank is closed so I couldn't make the deposit."
I instruct him to leave the money at my mother's house. He does.
This weekend... my daughter is on another camping trip. My youngest is with me. While I go to work she decided to call her father. He picks her up and takes her to Chuck E. Cheese at about 3:30pm although he told her he would pick her up at 3pm.
At about 7pm he is calling me to tell me that he is going to drop her off somewhere because he needs to make a video... (yup, a video) and the content is going to be inappropriate for her. I told him to give me 20 minutes and I would be back at my moms. (At the time I was with my mom, running errands with her...think meds, groceries, etc.). He can't wait. He is offering to drop them at his sisters house. I tell him to just bring her to target where I am parked and waiting outside for my mother. He brings her and is playing rap music and I heard the "B word" within seconds of me retrieving her. I roll my eyes.
He then tells me her stomach is hurting. As soon I pick her up and coddle her, she begins crying and he takes time to park and come to my car to investigate. I explain to him that she is crying because she is vulnerable with me because she can be. He drives off.
Me and my child go into Target (to get ginger ale) and in the midst of her tears she says "Uncle _____ didn't want to spend time with me." I then realized there was no belly ache, only heart ache because she thought her Uncle didnt want to spend time with her. After some investigation I came to find that her father in his frantic search for childcare so he can make his video, tried to drop our daughter off to his mothers house. His mother works a graveyard shift and at the time was in bed. His brother refused to watch my daughter, not because he doesnt care for her but I'm assuming it just wasnt part of his plans. My daughter being only 6 took offense and was sad and felt rejected.
She also informed my mother that a small argument took place between her father and her Uncle with her father whining "can't she just sit and watch tv?"
I explained to her that her Uncle loves her and he can't always change his plans even if it means spending time with her. She understood.
After relaying this information to my sister, she sighed and told me that I am not co-parenting. I'm in this thing alone. Once I hung up the phone, I nodded my head in silent resignation. I am truly a single mom. There is no co-parenting. I am The Parent. He has fathered them and thats it.
As much as it hurts to see my kids cry because of him, I try to ignore the guilt that I feel for selfishly and foolishly choosing him as their father and once as my husband. Instead I try to work within the wrongs and realize that I will never be able to make it right. I cannot control him. I cannot make him interested in them. I cannot make him become involved. I can only control myself.
This is a sad day for me. Hope for his best is now eliminated and he may as well be dead to me.
I remember joining band in Junior High and I played the Trombone. Once, I forgot my music and borrowed someone elses sheet who had band a different period. That person also played clarinet. Although I thought I was smart by borrowing another students music I ended up looking like a fool because my instrument was not meant to play the notes assigned to the wind instruments. I was found out within 5 minutes of band practice. It was interesting to find that our instruments all played different notes to create one beautiful song.
When it comes to my relationship with my ex, we were totally different instruments trying to make a tune off of the same sheet of music. It never worked. We never figured out how to respect each others differences, while coming together to create something we could both enjoy.
Here I stand about 12 years later, facing the band. It isn't large, and it isn't loud but the image in the mirror tells me that has to do.
facing the music and thinking kinky
Yesterday, my sister politely informed me that I am not co-parenting at all. Here's how she came to that conclusion:
As I may have mentioned before, since about July I have been working a part-time job in addition to my full time job and because of this I work 7 days a week. My part-time job is in Washington, DC which is about 1 hour away from my home. Instead of doing a total of 4 hours in commute time and gas mileage each weekend, I instead round up my daughters and crash at my mothers home which is 30 minutes away from my job saving me gas and time.
The girl's father lives about two minutes away from my mothers house so naturally once the girls are in the neighborhood they want to see their Dad.
Two weeks ago, he made arrangments to see them and came to pick them up about an hour after he said he would. The girls sat dressed staring out the window until he finally arrived. The following day he said that he would pick them up but never came. Thankfully they never got dressed for it and seemed to disregard him ever mentioning it (because he said he "might").
Last weekend, my eldest had a camping trip to prepare for. Strapped for cash caused by unexpected medical expenses, I told him I needed money to purchase her sleeping bag. He told me not to worry, that he had a prior engagement that night but he would drop off his sleeping bag for her to borrow in the morning. He said he would be there at 9am. We called him and eventually gave up at about 10am and then went to bought her a sleeping bag. It was at that point that it became apparent to my daughter that her father failed her. She began to cry.
I told her that today was a day for camp, not tears and we aren't going to let the problem get us down but work on the solution. We got her camp gear together and on the way home about 30 minutes before she was due to meet her peers and hit the road he called my cell.
"Sorry I just woke up" he says.
I tell him to deposit money in my account, he is no longer needed. He says okay and lets me know that he can only deposit $150 of the whopping $300 he supplies sporadically each month. I tell him to make it $200 and he says:
"Im on my way to the bank right now." This occured at 11:00 am.
At 12pm, he is asking me for my bank account information. The same information I have to supply to him each month because he doesnt save the texts or emails I send him.
At 1pm, he calls and starts off by saying:
"I know, I know. I'm a f-ck up. The bank is closed so I couldn't make the deposit."
I instruct him to leave the money at my mother's house. He does.
This weekend... my daughter is on another camping trip. My youngest is with me. While I go to work she decided to call her father. He picks her up and takes her to Chuck E. Cheese at about 3:30pm although he told her he would pick her up at 3pm.
At about 7pm he is calling me to tell me that he is going to drop her off somewhere because he needs to make a video... (yup, a video) and the content is going to be inappropriate for her. I told him to give me 20 minutes and I would be back at my moms. (At the time I was with my mom, running errands with her...think meds, groceries, etc.). He can't wait. He is offering to drop them at his sisters house. I tell him to just bring her to target where I am parked and waiting outside for my mother. He brings her and is playing rap music and I heard the "B word" within seconds of me retrieving her. I roll my eyes.
He then tells me her stomach is hurting. As soon I pick her up and coddle her, she begins crying and he takes time to park and come to my car to investigate. I explain to him that she is crying because she is vulnerable with me because she can be. He drives off.
Me and my child go into Target (to get ginger ale) and in the midst of her tears she says "Uncle _____ didn't want to spend time with me." I then realized there was no belly ache, only heart ache because she thought her Uncle didnt want to spend time with her. After some investigation I came to find that her father in his frantic search for childcare so he can make his video, tried to drop our daughter off to his mothers house. His mother works a graveyard shift and at the time was in bed. His brother refused to watch my daughter, not because he doesnt care for her but I'm assuming it just wasnt part of his plans. My daughter being only 6 took offense and was sad and felt rejected.
She also informed my mother that a small argument took place between her father and her Uncle with her father whining "can't she just sit and watch tv?"
I explained to her that her Uncle loves her and he can't always change his plans even if it means spending time with her. She understood.
After relaying this information to my sister, she sighed and told me that I am not co-parenting. I'm in this thing alone. Once I hung up the phone, I nodded my head in silent resignation. I am truly a single mom. There is no co-parenting. I am The Parent. He has fathered them and thats it.
As much as it hurts to see my kids cry because of him, I try to ignore the guilt that I feel for selfishly and foolishly choosing him as their father and once as my husband. Instead I try to work within the wrongs and realize that I will never be able to make it right. I cannot control him. I cannot make him interested in them. I cannot make him become involved. I can only control myself.
This is a sad day for me. Hope for his best is now eliminated and he may as well be dead to me.
I remember joining band in Junior High and I played the Trombone. Once, I forgot my music and borrowed someone elses sheet who had band a different period. That person also played clarinet. Although I thought I was smart by borrowing another students music I ended up looking like a fool because my instrument was not meant to play the notes assigned to the wind instruments. I was found out within 5 minutes of band practice. It was interesting to find that our instruments all played different notes to create one beautiful song.
When it comes to my relationship with my ex, we were totally different instruments trying to make a tune off of the same sheet of music. It never worked. We never figured out how to respect each others differences, while coming together to create something we could both enjoy.
Here I stand about 12 years later, facing the band. It isn't large, and it isn't loud but the image in the mirror tells me that has to do.
facing the music and thinking kinky
Comments
Post a Comment