Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

It's all in me It's in my control I rock my Pisces I steal your soul I tolerate you til tolerating gets old a lady so sweet a bitch so cold Dude I'm showing you the curves Hips showing you the swerve Give my ex the finger N-gga's when you gon' learn? It's all in me It's in my control I rock my Pisces I steal your soul Dude, I'm showing you the honey I'm playing playboy bunny You're filthy rich in bullshit But I don't need that kind of money I tolerate you til tolerating gets old a lady so sweet a bitch so cold Dude, I'm taking back my time strutting all this fine but I dont think I'll be so kind to stay off your f-cking mind It's all in me It's in my control I rock my Pisces I steal your soul I tolerate you til tolerating gets old a lady so sweet a bitch so cold

Sometimes he looked at me the way I had always wanted to be looked at. His eyes would fill with a wonder as if I was a beautiful creature he never knew existed. I would often pretend I didn't notice, because I liked to be admired a bit longer. I knew he would break his gaze if I acknowledged it. So I sat and made my best effort to remain natural, refusing to ruin the moment with unnecessary interruption. Other times, I would intentionally turn toward him. I would return his gaze and admire every curve of his face. I would notice the perceived flaws and want to kiss them all. My lips would travel across the map of his face, landing on every location of interest. He would laugh, and distract my lips from their unplanned journey by planting his against my own- keeping them in the destination he chose. I was alway obedient to what he wanted. Knowing that he wanted me was enough and so I did as he directed and I enjoyed heeding his unsaid instructions. I knew when he didn't wa...

Photo by  Nicholas Bui  on  Unsplash Just typing this post is a ministry of preparation. I don't know how people will receive me. I don't knowwhat people will think. I don't know how I even feel honestly. For years, I have battled depression. I even posted about my journey as a depressed person. For some reason, the medication never seemed to work for long before I was "off". I can't completely describe what "off" feels like other than moments of battling what feels like the onset of a crisis or feeling my mood shift despite taking a drug that was intended to stabilize it. I wasn't always depressed while on anti-depressants but I wasn't always well either. I've always held a job. Being the sole provider for my household, holding a job has been a non-negotiable necessity. The issue? I never held a job for more than five years. Five years was the cap for me. I had something called the 3-year-itch. No matter what the position, or the c...