Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

With all that's happening in the United States right now, I feel obligated to share my thoughts on the racism that is rampant within this country. When I was growing up, four of us lived in a one bedroom apartment in Queens New York. At the time it was all I knew so I thought nothing of it but now as an adult I realize how hard it was for my mother to provide things that so many of us take for granted, like personal space, privacy, and a safe neighborhood to live in. We moved to a bigger apartment (two bedrooms). My mother, sister and I slept on a king size bed and my brother had a twin bed in his own room. Even then I wasn't aware that my mother was struggling. Living in a bigger apartment in a better neighborhood felt like we were a world apart from our old place. There were kids in the neighborhood to play with and there wasn't a shortage in friendly neighbors. We were living in a Caribbean-American middle class neighborhood in Cambria Heights, New York. I once hea...

Photo by  jean wimmerlin  on  Unsplash He sat there on his corduroy reclining armchair as if it were a sad throne he refused to abandon. No one sat his armchair. When we were kids we were always shooed away from it by mom before he could discover our disobedience. Mom always had a way of averting a crisis. She would protect us from his wrath and protect him from aggravation. I wondered who protected her, but I knew the answer. Today he sat in that damned chair and refused to look at me. Mom sat on the couch, her island of exile where her eyes darted from him to me while she wrung her hands repeatedly. God, she was such a mess. How can someone spend their entire life attempting to placate everyone all the time? I admired and resented her. "I'm not going." I wanted them to realize that I was firm on this. It's my decision, not hers and certainly not his. I was tired of living my life in a way that they felt comfortable and I didn't want to do it anymore. I j...

So you want to know what's going on with North Korea and the United States but are too afraid to ask because your friends will know that you are a hopelessly uninformed willfully ignorant spaz? No worries friend, I've got your back. Want to hear it? Here it go:  Kim Jong-un's attitude when people tell him NOT to do something. So Kim Jong-un is like from this legacy of badasses, right?! So he's all like " I am the Supreme leader of North Korea" and he will pretty much smoke your @$$ if you're fake. He only messes with people who keep it real. Then he decides he is going to do some bomb testing even though world leaders agreed to cut out the nuclear bomb stuff because who really wins when it comes to that sh*t? But Kim is like "nah, I give no f---'s" I'm bomb testing. You have a problem? Come see me.   So everyone in the US is looking at Don like "Yo, what are you going to do dude?" Don's over there just working his...

Photo by  Priscilla Du Preez  on  Unsplash You would think I would have been more creative the second time I tried to die. I wasn't. I was a single mother with a very young toddler and I couldn't figure out how to be a very young twenty-something, a mom, a college drop out, and an adult who was aspiring to build a career instead of just having a job. I was waitressing and my tips weren't enough to make the rent for my studio apartment. My daughter was always at her father's parents home because I was working nearly 53 hours a week. Despite my hard work, I never had enough money. I dropped about 15lbs and everyone was complimenting me but I was starving. I would feed my daughter and pray she would be full so I could eat whatever she left over. I didn't care if it was cold Farina or chewed up and spat out chicken and veggies. I needed to eat and I was broke. Realizing that I was working for my daughter but hardly saw her started to wear on me. It didn't hel...

Photo by  Ian Espinosa  on  Unsplash I tried to die. I think I was 18 when I had my first crisis. A "crisis" is the term used to describe when the depression has consumed its sufferer to the point of debilitation or suicide. I was 18, and I failed my road test for the second time. For some reason, I felt completely defeated and the most logical solution to escape the pain and hopelessness that consumed me was death. So I took at least 8 ibuprofen and chugged some Trinidadian rum that my mother stowed away for holiday cake making. I drafted a sorrowful letter to my mother, brother, sister and nephew telling them that I loved them, but the pain was far too unbearable to endure for any length of time. I asked God for forgiveness. I placed the letter under my pillow and went to nap only, I wasn't very tired. Had I not taken enough? My sister was a nurse. Maybe I needed to adjust my intake according to my weight. Rummaging through the cupboards, I searched for any OTC p...

Halloween is Monday. If you don't have a costumed prepared for this weekends "big party", you've pretty much missed the train and will have to sort thru the slim pickings at Costume Stores much like a buzzard nips at an abandoned carcass. You can attempt an Amazon Prime situation but usually you need at least three days for that if you have a mail carrier like mine. So what are you going to do? I'll tell you what you're going to do: make your own costume! Here are some easy DIY costumes that you can create on a dime : 1. "cereal killer": all you need is an old white tee, a couple of cereal boxes and some plastic butter knives along with glue and anything you can find that will act as blood. If you have food coloring or red paint...make it happen. I'd stain portions of the tee, let it dry. Next, I'd glue the plastic knives haphazardly Into the cereal Boxes and add more "blood stain". There you have it! 2. Gypsy or pirate: I...

Sometimes I like to play this game on Facebook with my friends. I post " I knew the date was over when..." and friends chime in with all sorts of wacky stories. So, I've decided to share some of my "I knew the date was over" 's with my Kinky Crew... want to read it? Here it goes!: I Knew The Date Was Over When...  He showed me his house arrest anklet.  He had handcuffs on the steering wheel. He tongue kissed my nose...twice. He drooled on me while we were making out. He said he wish he had breasts He pulled his penis out and showed me his tattoo that said "High Voltage" He ordered 50 buffalo wings and asked me what I wanted.  He showed me his cell phone and a text came in that said "Missing you" He told me that he his hernia mesh kept breaking.  He admitted that she stalked his ex wife in Walmart He spent the entire date asking for advice on his current relationship He had a hug fetish and asked for 9 hugs ...

There is something about horror films that demand an element of sex appeal along with the gore. This is why I feel like there is a serial killing necrophiliac way down deep in all of us. We are watching this stuff, right? I take that back. Necrophilia disgusts me but I could come up with a hit list. There is way too much incriminating details within the first four sentences of this post. Time to move on to the subject at hand: Sex sells, and it always finds it's way into horror film. No one wants to see an ugly protagonist live. We likely secretly root for the death of the unattractive. Don't get all self-righteous. I just type what you think. So here are some of my favorite sexy horror film characters. Hope you enjoyed them too: Devils Rejects: Baby Firefly. There was an undeniable sex appeal that existed within this cold-hearted killer. It was easy to be seduced and then sliced, or shot into pieces by this beauty. I really can't remember how she killed her victims but...

Gimme' a beat! Janet said it. Why can't I?  A few posts ago, I shared a site that allowed you to purchase downloadable software that allows you to make fresh beats in the comfort of your own home. That's right, a studio on your computer.  But what if you don't want to learn how to make your own beats? What if you just like having fun making beats but have no intention of becoming a musician? That's where Incredibox comes in.  What is Incredibox? Awesomeness. You just go to the site and click on the avatars and create a beat. Here's where it gets fun: if you make a good beat, or err... the "right" one, you unlock a cool video clip of the beat you made. I know, sounds weird but it will make total sense once you get started on it. I have to admit that my thirteen year old daughter (the comic fan) introduced this to me when I was considering blogging about something else (sorry other topic, I'm done with you).  So you can create fun beats, pla...

Twitter: Serving a Purpose or Popularity Contest? When I began to aggressively pursue digital marketing strategies, I decided to enter the world of Twitter . Marketing (especially digital marketing) is quite similar to IT in the way that it's ever-changing. You are only as good as the latest strategy. If you were a marketing guru on Myspace but haven't a clue about Facebook then dude.. you're behind the times. Myspace marketing is quite niche whereas Facebook is more mainstream. Linkedin has also come leaps and bounds when it comes to the implementation of market-friendly strategies. Then, there's twitter: Twitter is a social media platform that allows you to type short messages in 140 or so characters or less. Since we now live in Generation teXt, instant gratification is a prerequisite for interaction in just about any form. So getting to the bottom of a message in 140 characters is appealing to many. Twitter also allows photos and clickable links and/or "card...

I'm not tech savvy. In fact, I'm typing this blog with sincere fear in my hear that some techie is going to call me out on the grounds of blasphemy after reading this. What I do know that I have a ton of DVDs. I was just sharing a laugh with a friend today about it. He asked me if I remembered when a "Netflix" night was just that and I didn't mean sex to the audio track of a random movie playing on your DVD player. Meet WonderFox , a DVD Video Converter tool. Whew, that was a mouthful. I had a boyfriend who was into all things tech and when I saw this product, I imagined him rolling around in printed sheets of code and wearing thick Buddy Holly inspired glasses. Of course this service has been around for some time, but it's still new to me and it may be new to you as well. There are free trails to download and give it a go. You can rip a DVD and convert it right onto your cell phone. I'm ashamed that this is still very cool to me and this was available ...

I've been blogging for five or six years now. If you think I am rolling in dough by now you may be right... if I were having a kinky moment with a pizza maker. Blogging can be lucrative, but more often than not it just isn't. Making money on a blog takes a lot of things that people typically don't have. The first thing? Time. You need to spend a lot of time when you are blogging. Why? Because people don't give a crap about what you have to say. In the land of social media where everyone has a voice the views of the blogger are often well,...lost. You have to find a way to speak over all the noise that blares across super highway that is the internet. So, it's going to take time for you to learn what you need to say to make people actually pay attention and then keep their attention so they want to come back to your blog and see what else you have to say. Be prepared to spend endless hours just figuring out your messaging and approach toward your audience. That a...

Wicked Halloween Comic Costumes You Have To Have As a child, I wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween. My mother was and still is a devout Christian and therefore celebrating "the devil's day" was out of the question. So for many a Halloween, I sat in the house, listening to kids knock on our door as I cowered inside with dimmed lights hoping they wouldn't throw eggs at the house because we didn't give them candy. As the years plowed on, I began to celebrate in Halloween festivities and found my own comfort level in balancing my religious convictions with my desires to get out and just have fun. So, in the spirit of Halloween, I wanted to post a few awesome costumes that may give you many tricks and treats this October 31st so I took visit to Costume Super Center  and decided to pick out some cool costumes I've found: Deadpool Costume : This awesome costume reminds me of how happy I am that Marvel made it to movies and mainstream in a huge way. Fans ca...

I went to Target  and was standing in line watching a woman with a $200+ dollar balance whittle it down to nothing with coupons and gift cards. By the time she was done she had a zero balance. As he scanned the gift cards, she stood with her eyes fixed in a hawk eyed gaze at the register's price display. With each scan, a faint smirk would reach the corners of her mouth and the outrageous sum would diminish steadily. I turned to my mother whose mouth was literally hanging open. You see, my mother prides herself in getting outrageous deals so seeing this Target Coupon Goddess make over $200 in purchases disappear before our eyes was like cat nip to my mom. She was in awe. I rolled my eyes. Partially due to authentic hating and also because I'm impatient and all of those coupons were driving me up a wall. Incapable of utilizing a filter, I asked the Coupon Goddess if she were an extreme coupon enthusiast and she nodded yes in a condescending couponier than thou sort of way. My...

"When I asked about you, I was told that you were my cousin." She sat there, quieted by his admission. She then pondered why such a thing would be said, and imagined what it must have been like for him to meet her and realize that for all of these years he was lied to. Had he not remembered the time they played together in the yard, kicking over mushrooms and digging for dinosaur fossils? Well of course he had. He just thought it was his cousin he was playing with. The silence was uncomfortable. Both of them sat there, equally disturbed. She felt rejected, he felt deceived. This is the consequence of a father's denial of his infidelity. Lies perpetuate the cycle of mistakes, and brothers and sisters sit together, bonded by the pain or repelled by the truth. -For all of my brothers and sisters, with love.

She was 15, and boy crazy. She had a grown woman's body and a child like mind that willed her to do adult like things. It was an unfortunate combination and nothing good would come of it. He was 18 and chiseled. He often wore his shirt off on the exceptionally hot summer days. He wasn't gorgeous, but he was mature and she took notice. She spent most of her time peering curiously at him while he was bent over the open hood of a car. He may have noticed her inquisitive gaze, but he never suggested it. He continued his work, as if no one were watching. Time pressed on and what seemed like months later was merely weeks. Her mother asked her to knock on his door and request his services. She made sure she looked just right. She wanted him to notice her. She walked over and knocked on the door. He came outside with his shirt off again. She noticed every muscle on his body. She felt a familiar jitter in the pit of her stomach. He was young, but he was a man. He didn't have the l...

When started dating after separation, I did it in phases. The first phase was catch up. I wanted to catch up with every man I had a spark with to explore where it would have went had I not gotten married. Once I realized that these "what if's" were really "don't bother's" I moved on to try to find "the one." After several failed attempts and false starts with "the one" I began making rules. I didn't always know what I liked but I was certain after several failed relationships of what I didnt. However, now that I look back, I realize that plenty of the red flags that made me run were almost always a shared similarity with my ex. If a man said he was interested in anything my ex was interested in, I began to feel uneasy and delve deeper for more "flags". I'll even admit that if a man were from the same country or continent as my ex, I would get turned off. I now know that I was suffering from PTRD (Post Traumatic Re...

match.com, eHarmony, Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Plenty Of Fish...these are the sites that I have tried in search of a man that I can see myself in a committed relationship with. You know the story, I'm a single mom, divorced, two kids, trying to copy Stella and get my groove back. I work full time, weekends are typically spent at church, cleaning and doing activities with my kids. I don't have much time for me. I don't have time for happy hours, I am skating home to meet my kids. I don't have much savings and what I do have doesn't allow me to justify the expense of a sitter. So I work, I come home, I cook, I help with homework, sign permission slips, pay for field trips, hustle kids to bed and when they are finally in bed... I surf the dating sites. Initially it was fun. I was in communication with men from all over from Massachusetts to Maryland. I got to chat, message, email and even text some of them. I knew that I would have NEVER met any of these...

I have always had a slew of male friends. It not that I didn't have my fair share of female friends as well its just that I always had male friends that I was always able to confide in, spend time with, as well as serve as a confidante for them as many of them have done served the same role in my life. I've noticed that a few of my males friends seem to utilize me as a substitute girlfriend. They don't desire to be in a relationship with me however they expect me to fill in the voids of their relationships. For some reason, this doesn't sit well with me at all. I have had this occur within at least three friendships and I can say with certainty that I will be putting an end to it today. Take a look at the cases in point: Kevin: Kevin and I were speaking and emailing each other daily. He gave me hope of actually embarking upon a relationship after my separation. We finally came to the conclusion that my marriage was an issue for him. He didn't want to be involved...

I don't want to spend too much time on my story. If you follow this blog you already know the story. BUT- in case you don't know the story: I married a man I had no business marrying but love and wanting to do the "right" thing as you see fit at the time can get you into a land of trouble. So, I'm at the intersection of Terrible Avenue and Mistake Drive. I share two children with a man that I describe as a co-worker who really should have been fired a long time ago. It's like that fool in the other department that you deal with ever so often and you each time you see them you say to yourself: "I can't believe they didn't fire that @$$hole." The hardest thing for me dealing with someone who see as irresponsible and disinterested in parenting their children is continuously attempting to work with this person although I don't even care to speak to them. My kids are at an age where they can not make arrangements with him independent of me ...