Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

Love: Underestimated But Not Overrated  There was a time that my views on love would be best described as jaded at best. The irony in that is when reflecting upon my previous love relationships, I would have to admit that I didn't experience the full potential of what love can truly bring. I was often in torrid love affairs where either I was smitten and they weren't, they were smitten and I wasn't or we were both smitten and tormenting each other with our issues. Realizing this has led me to the conclusion that you can't grow tired of something you never truly experienced and to be bitter about a poor outcome from a poor investment is unfair and foolish. When I was married, my husband would often complain that the person I was with others was a more kind and jovial version of the woman I was when we were alone. I would dismiss his claims with the false assurance that I was only wearing the obligatory mask that all people wear when they interact with outsiders...

photo courtesy of www.pinterest.com I've had a few people tell me they love me. Some would say they were in love and others would say that they just loved me. Sometimes, I could happily respond with my own profession of adoration and other times I have to smile and say "well I can't wait to love you too." I mean, what are you to say when someone verbalizes the ultimate emotion for you and you don't feel the same? Recently I met a guy. I even blogged about him before commenting on how he is a flaky guy and I have no idea where things will end up. Well this guy said he loves me. It's funny because I was happy to respond with the same sentiment. Then the bull$@#% started. This man has the motivation of a sloth on Mary Jane..with a bum knee...and arthritis. You get the point. So when you both love each other, it's nothing but smooth sailing, right? WRONG. Sure, every couple will experience tribulation within a relationship. However, when you have the l...

"I'm not in love with you anymore." Surely if you were the unfortunate recipient of this confession its highly likely that your heart immediately felt as if it had imploded. Your only chance at resuscitation would be renewed affections from the very culprit who wounded you so severly. I have never been told that I was no longer loved. I regretfully admit that I have at a time recited those seven words with mournful resignation to someone once before. The thing is, I do believe that its possible one can "fall out of love" but I don't believe that love can ever be discontinued. After all, "falling in love" and "loving" seem like the same thing with varied intensity. Love is far more than a feeling. Its a commitment. Once you commit to something, you don't renege. If more people looked at love as an emotional commitment, perhaps the notion of even "falling out of love" or "not loving" would become more obscure. I...

This blog is going to be real and raw. Maybe its always been, either way I have some emotions to purge and its time I just get it over with. I'm fighting tears right now. My heart is aching, my spirit is broken, I am emotionally wounded. So, as I am typing this blog, I have a box of tissues, and "I'm so over you n*gga" music playing in the background. Its an arsenal of "feel better" with a dose of "get over him". How did I get here? I'll tell you how: Hechts Department store. It all started ten years ago in March in the parking lot of Prince Georges Plaza Mall. I was leaving my shift at the department store clad in a calf length denim skirt, camel colored calf length boots, a brown shirt, a tan peacoat, a foxy brown afro and "oh baby" Mac lip gloss that had my lips popping. A car pulled up, the driver asked me my name, told me he was from Cali, I was from NY...and ten years later I have birthed two of his children, gained about 40+ po...

There are plenty of songs out there for the secret admirer who croons longingly how much they would go out of the way to please that special someone. Most times the lyrics are pretty juicy and you walk away pitying the person who has not one clue as to how much good would come to them if they discovered the person admiring them and gave them an opportunity to fulfill all of their promises. Last weekend I was listening to the song "If" by Janet Jackson with my sister and we were cackling over the lyrics. Here the gorgeous Janet Jackson is singing about all of the naughty things she would do to this man who has no idea at all. After listening to that song, I thought of Prince, how years earlier made his own song for the secret admirer called "If I Was Your Girlfriend". Later in the week, my soon to be ex husband came over to see our kids and when it came time to leave, his girlfriend picked him up. This was news to me. I had no clue that he had a girlfriend seeing tha...

Today, I made a major decision. I've decided to put many things to an end. According to my mother, the world is going to end in 2012 anyway (yes she is one of those who believe this). So, what do I have to lose by spending the next few years of my life by MY rules? One major thing that I finally decided to put to rest was a relationship that I have had for just about nine years. It wasn't as hard to do as I anticipated, partially because it became more and more apparent that we had reached the end of the road as we bickered and screamed at one another. Our relationship reminded me of a jazzy scat in a night club. Sometimes it was sultry, cool, funky and fun. Other times, it was unpredictable, nonsensical and overbearing. Either way, when the fat lady scats,(bee bop bip... I'm tired of this sh-t) you may have the feeling that its over, and for me... it truly is.