Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

A New Leason on Love? : Love Lessons  Photo by  Matt Artz  on  Unsplash There was this man I met years ago, and when I met him I wasn't even into him. I thought that he was a nice guy but there was no spark. We just hung out and chat and while it was a nice time, it wasn't phenomenal. It's funny that as the years go by, we change or at least one would hope that we do and the same person who didn't leave a strong impression can now make a lasting impression on your heart. So one day, a few years ago I told him that I loved him. I told him that I wanted us to just be together. I told him everything that I only thought in my mind. I exposed myself in a way I seldom do and his response was silence. He was too fearful to say he didn't feel the same, or he didn't want that from me, or anything. He just closed himself to me. While I didn't need the reciprocated feelings, the lack of acknowledgment was what hurt. I forgave him. However, I utilize wi...

The Top 5 Reasons Why Your Marriage Is Failing You're Cheating. Now you don't have to take this literally. It doesn't mean that you are stepping outside of the relationship to meet your sexual needs. Cheating can be emotional or social. Let me explain: If you're investing your time into everyone and everything else before you invest in your partner (which is synonymous for your marriage), then you are in essence cheating your spouse out of the time and attention that they need. It may seem hard to do but nothing falls out of that category; family, friends, work, kids, etc. Your spouse should trump all of those things. If you are putting your spouse first, they will give you the balance and support you need to tend to that work assignment, family gathering, ailing parent, or growing children. So often people put other things ahead and logically justify it however if your spouse is last on your list to address, so is your marriage. Confiding in your friends more ...

I dated some in my day and there was a season of my dating life that I like to call "Chopping Season". That was the period of time when no man was worthy of my time and as soon as they gave me whatever I perceived as "good reason", I chopped them. Chopping someone is as a superior action  word. It's a verb with cojones. I have several ways of doing it. Sometimes I would make sure I did it in person. Other times, it would be a text or a slew of them if I were angry enough. Sometimes I would just block the person; allowing my silence to tell the story. Chopping happened frequently to the point my close friends termed what I did as "chopping". "Did you chop him?" My sister and best friend would often ask. If I was complaining a bit too much my friends would say "chop his ass, he's not worth it". If men were trees, I was surrounded by limbs of lumber. By golly, I chopped. I later realized that I was too hasty sometimes in my dec...

I seldom apologize for anything because I truly believe that I am right about most things. I know this makes me a jerk to many people but I don't feel guilty because, well... I don't think I'm wrong so who really cares what anyone thinks of me? However, despite my excellent average of being right, there are those times when I am off the mark and I am just wrong. Recently I experienced one of those times. I was seeing this guy, who I was very hard on (we had a history that can best be described as turbulent). After overcoming many of our issues, we decided to give the relationship another effort. Things went well until he just stopped calling me and I was so livid. What hurt more is that despite his shortcomings, I held this man in very high regard and for him to be so careless and flippant with my feelings was a monumental disappointment. A year passed and I got an email from him saying "thank you for adding me to your linkedin network..." the email went on...

He loves me. At least, thats what he said. He loves me more and more each and every day. But he was still seeing other women, and he was still caught up with his ex-girlfriend, and he was comfortable with our complicated relationship that held a clumsy banner over it labeled "friends". He said that he wanted to be friends and "who knows" what God had in store for us. He was open minded. I listened. I even agreed initially. But then he wanted to know why I didn't call him back, or why I seemed distant. He could sense even the slightest distance and yet he couldn't seem to figure out that his careless handling of my feelings were making an already complex relationship damned near incomprehensible. "I love you." "I love you more and more each day" "I miss you" " I want to cuddle with you" In the same breath it could be " I went on a date" or "I was with my ex" It all was so confusing, until I re...