Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

The Dating Games When I was a kid, I was hooked on re-runs of The Dating Game. I loved watching all of the snazzy guys and gals in their polyester get-ups answering question after question in hopes of sashaying over to the other side of the wall divider to Mr. or Ms. Right. I particularly enjoyed when the geeky guy or gal managed to schmooze their way off their stool and past the wall divider much to the dismay of the hot hopeful date on the other side. Now, as a recently separated woman I have come to realize that the Dating Game is still running, only not on television but in my own life. The wall divider has been replaced by wisdom and intuition, and I still have several bachelors trying to get past that wall and into my heart (or pants... whichever comes first). Although I can see these men, I really can not see them for who they truly are which makes it hard for me to choose who gets to get past this wall that I have up. The funny thing about dating is all of the rules ...

Love: Underestimated But Not Overrated  There was a time that my views on love would be best described as jaded at best. The irony in that is when reflecting upon my previous love relationships, I would have to admit that I didn't experience the full potential of what love can truly bring. I was often in torrid love affairs where either I was smitten and they weren't, they were smitten and I wasn't or we were both smitten and tormenting each other with our issues. Realizing this has led me to the conclusion that you can't grow tired of something you never truly experienced and to be bitter about a poor outcome from a poor investment is unfair and foolish. When I was married, my husband would often complain that the person I was with others was a more kind and jovial version of the woman I was when we were alone. I would dismiss his claims with the false assurance that I was only wearing the obligatory mask that all people wear when they interact with outsiders...

"In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, 'Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn't understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn't fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn't want it to get any worse. You're the mother of my kids - I don't want to hate you." -Kevin Hart When it comes to relationships, we all tell our fair share of little white lies. Some of us even graduate to Olivia Pope status and have full on scandals. We often speak about the lies that we tell to  get out  of situations that may harm our relationship but we seldom speak about the lies that we use to  get into  them.  Online dating has allowed us to advertise our greatness with a few photos and a catchy paragraph. However, even then in the midst of our most narcissistic moments of boasting about how awesome we are lies very apparent moments of deception. The angled seflies that obscure that sc...

"I'm not in love with you anymore." Surely if you were the unfortunate recipient of this confession its highly likely that your heart immediately felt as if it had imploded. Your only chance at resuscitation would be renewed affections from the very culprit who wounded you so severly. I have never been told that I was no longer loved. I regretfully admit that I have at a time recited those seven words with mournful resignation to someone once before. The thing is, I do believe that its possible one can "fall out of love" but I don't believe that love can ever be discontinued. After all, "falling in love" and "loving" seem like the same thing with varied intensity. Love is far more than a feeling. Its a commitment. Once you commit to something, you don't renege. If more people looked at love as an emotional commitment, perhaps the notion of even "falling out of love" or "not loving" would become more obscure. I...

"Do you want to be loved or do you want to love?" Mom had a subtle grin on her face. I knew that she was trying to teach me something because she always got that grin on her face. What I needed to decide was whether or not I wanted to learn today's lesson. Mom patiently kneaded her dough. Her homemade bread was so good. I used to sit on a little wooden bench and watch the entire process. I never learned how to bake bread though. "I don't see why I should have to choose." I mumbled. I decided that there was no right answer, only an opinion. "You will have to choose." Mom smiled this time. It was a mental game of chess that I had no idea I was playing. For some reason, I felt like no move was going to be the right move. "I think that two people can love each other equally and be happy. No one person should do all of the loving. I think its negative to think that you should have to choose." Mom continued kneading. I continued to express my o...

Kismet: The will of Allah; destiny. I don't believe in Allah but like muslims I do believe that my God's will triumphs over my own. So often I have heard people tell me that they prayed and God told them the answer to their prayers. When things seem to fall apart leaving only financial and/or emotional debris and confusion, one is left wondering if Gods "message" was lost in translation. So when I married what now seems like the wrong man for me did I hear from God? I thought I was doing the right thing. I even thought that the "signs" were pointing to him. However, it ends up that I was just trying to do the right thing. Did I learn from my failed marriage, absolutely. Could I have done without the pain and drama that came from our union? Definitely. Thing is when I met my soon to be ex-husband, I liked him. We hung out, we had fun, we had a good relationship. He professed his love for me and I decided to fall right there in it with him and we got pregnant...