Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

Photo by  Victoria Palacios  on  Unsplash I'd finally reached a point where I was able to careen down the dangerous road that is depression without steering toward death and hoping for "the best". I just want to clean up my life and make myself a normal happy person. It was hard learning where to start. I learned my triggers. That means I figured out what made me feel depressed. I realized that I had numerous triggers, some that I had no control over and being the control freak that I am, it only aggravated my anxiety once I figured it all out. Steering clear of my triggers became an obsession and I took an unfair and unrealistic approach toward friendships, relationships, job opportunities and even food. I would often become very rigid all for the sake of preservation of my sanity but my unwavering approach only isolated me. It was a complete mess and I was the orchestrator of it. These periods of extreme discipline would be followed by periods of extreme care...

Initially I loved being single. I used to joke with a friend about how we envied Will Smith in I Am Legend. A life of solitude with an awesome dog didn't seem too shabby.. post apocalyptic infected or not. But then this terrible thing happened: time. My kids are more independent. I can see them hanging with their friends in a few more years and I won't be the "it" thing. It sucks rolling over in the bed on a winter night and feeling an ice cold spot next to you. Friends with benefits gets old because we are all rotating friends for more exciting benefits and we know it, its just unspoken. It's like we have the benefits line and we are all standing in it, waiting our turn to get a piece. Trying new benefits isn't always good to do either. You don't know if your care will be up to par for all that... "ails you." I have no one to force to watch Food Network with me. Whenever I need a massage I have to actually go to a massage parlor. (who do...

Why do I keep doing this? I've already said that I quit on love . I took about a year off of dating, an entire year! I sat by myself and attempted to sort out my life's meaning and pursue more tangible goals that didn't involve the ever elusive "real love" that dwells in the habitat of "Dysfunctional Peoplelia". So! Let's go down the roster, shall we? Jimmy: That's not his real name, but I never was fond of putting people on front street via blog. Jimmy is 45, has 5 kids and two marriages under his belt. The kids are grown with the exception of the Irish twins who are the same age as my youngest. He is separated from his last wife for three years now and neither of them have made an effort to divorce. I don't know if its laziness, hope, or financial. Perhaps all three? I'm not looking to jump a broom so I don't care very much. He and I hang out, laugh, smooch, and text. However, he is a bit distant. Before you tell me that hangin...

Sometimes I like to play this game on Facebook with my friends. I post " I knew the date was over when..." and friends chime in with all sorts of wacky stories. So, I've decided to share some of my "I knew the date was over" 's with my Kinky Crew... want to read it? Here it goes!: I Knew The Date Was Over When...  He showed me his house arrest anklet.  He had handcuffs on the steering wheel. He tongue kissed my nose...twice. He drooled on me while we were making out. He said he wish he had breasts He pulled his penis out and showed me his tattoo that said "High Voltage" He ordered 50 buffalo wings and asked me what I wanted.  He showed me his cell phone and a text came in that said "Missing you" He told me that he his hernia mesh kept breaking.  He admitted that she stalked his ex wife in Walmart He spent the entire date asking for advice on his current relationship He had a hug fetish and asked for 9 hugs ...

Mega Millions: Why The F@#% Do I Even Play? I purchase a Mega Millions ticket now and again but when the jackpot grows to vast proportions, I make sure I purchase a ticket. Why? Because I want that money! Here's the thing: the chances at hitting the jackpot are slim to none. If you want the depressing facts, as of 2013 your chances of hitting it big were 1 in 175 MILLION. So when you do hit the jackpot, just know you have a buck for every other person that played and lost to your lucky arse. So why do I keep playing the lottery? No, I'm not some gambling addicted fool. I play because I can't win if I don't. Wait... I do sound like a gambling addicted fool. Well the truth is that while the odds are not in my favor and I am getting my financial Hunger Games on whenever I purchase a ticket, I'm aware that there is zero of chance of winning if I don't play at all. The lottery gives someone a dream they can actually pursue with one or two bucks. How aggressive ...

I seldom apologize for anything because I truly believe that I am right about most things. I know this makes me a jerk to many people but I don't feel guilty because, well... I don't think I'm wrong so who really cares what anyone thinks of me? However, despite my excellent average of being right, there are those times when I am off the mark and I am just wrong. Recently I experienced one of those times. I was seeing this guy, who I was very hard on (we had a history that can best be described as turbulent). After overcoming many of our issues, we decided to give the relationship another effort. Things went well until he just stopped calling me and I was so livid. What hurt more is that despite his shortcomings, I held this man in very high regard and for him to be so careless and flippant with my feelings was a monumental disappointment. A year passed and I got an email from him saying "thank you for adding me to your linkedin network..." the email went on...