Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I didn't know I was a side chick. It all kind of just, well happened. I have pointed many a finger at women who were Mistresses by choice and called them all sorts of terrible names to shame them for aiding a man in infidelity. Then I became the mistress. What was the lesson? Well when someone says they are separated, it means they are married. I wasn't your typical Mistress. I wasn't a spoiled chick with  my own credit card and exotic weekend trips. Nope, I was just relief. I was a welcomed change to a troubled marriage.  photo courtesy of www.xclusivetouch.co.uk He was separated. He had been separated from her for 4 years, had no interest in reconciliation, and was interested in me. My red flag started to rise a bit when he said 4 years. Who is separated for 4 years? Why not divorce? Did she up and move to another country? What the hell? He said that they just never bothered to but he needs to get around to it (ya think?!). Time went on and I got more and more...

Luckily, I have only had one relationship with a cheater (to my knowledge). After the first confession, the devestation, the tears, and finallly the reconciliation I managed to tolerate my mans cheating ways for almost ten years. The expense of my committment was insecurity and chronic invasion of his privacy. I was a cell phone checking, caller ID scrolling, email hacking wife. It finally got to the point that my husband at the time wondered aloud why I loved to hurt my own feelings by digging for his dirt. "You will always find something." He would say. Later, I wonder the same thing. Did I really need to confirm what I had already knew? Apparently so. Why did I have this need? I recall feeling so stealth and slick when I was hacking into his email accounts and tracking his browsing history. However, by the end of my digging, all I found was heartache and betrayal. What I realized was that I didn't need the confirmation. However, I wanted it so badly because I want...