I didn't know I was a side chick. It all kind of just, well happened.
I have pointed many a finger at women who were Mistresses by choice and called them all sorts of terrible names to shame them for aiding a man in infidelity.
Then I became the mistress.
What was the lesson? Well when someone says they are separated, it means they are married.
I wasn't your typical Mistress. I wasn't a spoiled chick with my own credit card and exotic weekend trips. Nope, I was just relief. I was a welcomed change to a troubled marriage.
He was separated.
He had been separated from her for 4 years, had no interest in reconciliation, and was interested in me. My red flag started to rise a bit when he said 4 years. Who is separated for 4 years? Why not divorce? Did she up and move to another country? What the hell? He said that they just never bothered to but he needs to get around to it (ya think?!).
Time went on and I got more and more invested emotionally but I knew that something was amiss with the dude. It all finally became clear, and this is all I am going to say: If someone is separated, they are still married.
He was separated.
It takes time after a marriage to let the dust settle and adjust to life without someone you intended to build a life with. When you are separated, you're leading toward that point where things will settle and a new journey begins but YOU ARE NOT THERE. I recall dating when I was separated and came to the conclusion that no man was going to take me seriously until I was single. There was a part of me I just couldn't offer to anyone because it was still tied to my husband.
Despite a very ugly divorce with my children's father, it took about 5 years for us to learn how to communicate with each other without fighting. When we first got separated he still had a key to my home and I would come from work to see him sitting on my couch watching television. I didn't realize that he didn't need a key to my home. It's not easy to separate every little thing when you used to share every single thing.
So I found myself sharing time with wife, holidays, and him. Why? Because they had children together so she often received provisions by default since she is the mother of his kids. If I went into detail of the outrageous circumstances, I would make myself sick. The bottom line was, I was a side chick. I was in a relationship with a separated, but married man. Because he never really separated from his marriage, he was still doing outrageous things that while may be justified as for the sake of the kids, they were to the benefit of his wife, and the detriment of our relationship.
I walked.
What I will say is that after that experience, I learned why some women are content being a side chick or even seek out for nothing more than the side piece situation:
I have pointed many a finger at women who were Mistresses by choice and called them all sorts of terrible names to shame them for aiding a man in infidelity.
Then I became the mistress.
What was the lesson? Well when someone says they are separated, it means they are married.
I wasn't your typical Mistress. I wasn't a spoiled chick with my own credit card and exotic weekend trips. Nope, I was just relief. I was a welcomed change to a troubled marriage.
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| photo courtesy of www.xclusivetouch.co.uk |
He had been separated from her for 4 years, had no interest in reconciliation, and was interested in me. My red flag started to rise a bit when he said 4 years. Who is separated for 4 years? Why not divorce? Did she up and move to another country? What the hell? He said that they just never bothered to but he needs to get around to it (ya think?!).
Time went on and I got more and more invested emotionally but I knew that something was amiss with the dude. It all finally became clear, and this is all I am going to say: If someone is separated, they are still married.
He was separated.
It takes time after a marriage to let the dust settle and adjust to life without someone you intended to build a life with. When you are separated, you're leading toward that point where things will settle and a new journey begins but YOU ARE NOT THERE. I recall dating when I was separated and came to the conclusion that no man was going to take me seriously until I was single. There was a part of me I just couldn't offer to anyone because it was still tied to my husband.
Despite a very ugly divorce with my children's father, it took about 5 years for us to learn how to communicate with each other without fighting. When we first got separated he still had a key to my home and I would come from work to see him sitting on my couch watching television. I didn't realize that he didn't need a key to my home. It's not easy to separate every little thing when you used to share every single thing.
So I found myself sharing time with wife, holidays, and him. Why? Because they had children together so she often received provisions by default since she is the mother of his kids. If I went into detail of the outrageous circumstances, I would make myself sick. The bottom line was, I was a side chick. I was in a relationship with a separated, but married man. Because he never really separated from his marriage, he was still doing outrageous things that while may be justified as for the sake of the kids, they were to the benefit of his wife, and the detriment of our relationship.
I walked.
What I will say is that after that experience, I learned why some women are content being a side chick or even seek out for nothing more than the side piece situation:
- If you are a side chick, your role was born out of necessity. That means that something is missing and you are filling in the blanks. Some women may feel more valued or confident if a man were to tell him how terrible things were until she came along, even if they come along with bs circumstances.
- Side chicks are good time gals. Most side chicks get the best of this man because he is always happy when he is coming home to his relief from whatever his married life is. Who doesnt want to be the life of someone's party, every single time?
- Side chicks get fantasy life. Side chicks aren't seen as often as the main chick so every meeting is a honeymoon. You are both always missing each other because your time is so limited. Every greeting turns into a passionate make out session. It's time to celebrate. Dinners, flowers, movie... he can afford to do it because he only sees you once a week.
- Things never get ugly when you're a side chick. He doesn't ever want to waste his escape time arguing. He does that at home. You never have to wash his clothes or fall in a toilet seat. You never hear him snore though the night or leave the dishes in the sink before bed. Things are all roses and posies when you are the side chick.
- No one knows you, at least not the people who matter in his life. His kids will never meet you. His parents will never know you exist. When family functions come around, he will be gone and you will waiting on his return.
- You aren't going to be a priority. He'll get to you when he has time and most of his time is going to the important things: kids, wife, home, work. You're his guilty pleasure and people don't tend to indulge in those too regularly.
- Your relationship is going to go nowhere. Why would anyone disrupt what they believe is a great arrangement? We all know when it comes to divorce, it's usually cheaper to keep her or him. No one wants to pay alimony or child support. The side piece alleviates the stress. Why mess up a good thing?
- You may feel loved, and feel special but you will always know that you are second, to someone else who is so protected, they don't even know you exist.
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