Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

Luckily, I have only had one relationship with a cheater (to my knowledge). After the first confession, the devestation, the tears, and finallly the reconciliation I managed to tolerate my mans cheating ways for almost ten years. The expense of my committment was insecurity and chronic invasion of his privacy. I was a cell phone checking, caller ID scrolling, email hacking wife. It finally got to the point that my husband at the time wondered aloud why I loved to hurt my own feelings by digging for his dirt. "You will always find something." He would say. Later, I wonder the same thing. Did I really need to confirm what I had already knew? Apparently so. Why did I have this need? I recall feeling so stealth and slick when I was hacking into his email accounts and tracking his browsing history. However, by the end of my digging, all I found was heartache and betrayal. What I realized was that I didn't need the confirmation. However, I wanted it so badly because I want