Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I didn't know I was a side chick. It all kind of just, well happened. I have pointed many a finger at women who were Mistresses by choice and called them all sorts of terrible names to shame them for aiding a man in infidelity. Then I became the mistress. What was the lesson? Well when someone says they are separated, it means they are married. I wasn't your typical Mistress. I wasn't a spoiled chick with  my own credit card and exotic weekend trips. Nope, I was just relief. I was a welcomed change to a troubled marriage.  photo courtesy of www.xclusivetouch.co.uk He was separated. He had been separated from her for 4 years, had no interest in reconciliation, and was interested in me. My red flag started to rise a bit when he said 4 years. Who is separated for 4 years? Why not divorce? Did she up and move to another country? What the hell? He said that they just never bothered to but he needs to get around to it (ya think?!). Time went on and I got more and more...

What's In a Hymen? I read in the paper last week, that some women are seeking to have their hymens repaired so that their soon to be husbands to be would believe that they are virgins. (insert deep breath here) Okay, maybe in a culture where women are expected to be virgins and if they aren't they are stoned to death, or forced into brothels or something...but AMERICA? Then again, what the heck is so great about America? The bottom line is, we as women are so compelled to satisfy men that we are willing to surgically reinvent hymens. Absurd is putting it mildly. Outrageous is more I like it. So, where are all these men who are breaking hymens and running off to marry preserved virgins with hymens in tact, and ready to be broken? Regardless of where you are from, it's the same mentality. Americans are no different and no less oppressed when most American women either: a) broke their hymen in a drunken stupor b) broke their hymen with a guy who's last name isn...

"In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, 'Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn't understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn't fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn't want it to get any worse. You're the mother of my kids - I don't want to hate you." -Kevin Hart When it comes to relationships, we all tell our fair share of little white lies. Some of us even graduate to Olivia Pope status and have full on scandals. We often speak about the lies that we tell to  get out  of situations that may harm our relationship but we seldom speak about the lies that we use to  get into  them.  Online dating has allowed us to advertise our greatness with a few photos and a catchy paragraph. However, even then in the midst of our most narcissistic moments of boasting about how awesome we are lies very apparent moments of deception. The angled seflies that obscure that sc...

The Turner’s Elaine hurriedly grabbed for her tattered black handbag as she exited her 1994 black mustang. She hadn’t washed her hair in about five days and piling her thick black locks high in a bun atop her head wasn’t going to disguise her neglect much longer. She felt the familiar breeze of the air against her backside and routinely hiked up her low rise skinny jeans to cover the inadvertent peepshow her buttocks were giving. Her saddle colored leather jacket looked about as done for as her hair, but that wasn’t something she was willing to change. She head for the school doors taking a brisk stride. Her long legs kicked upward, as if she were practicing her best goose step in some foreign army; likely the consequence of wearing cumbersome motorcycle boots. As she strode toward the principal’s office she sighed and curled the top corner of her upper lip, making no effort to hide her annoyance when she spotted Belinda. Belinda was impeccably dressed as always and returne...

We met one day when I was coming from the mall. When shame had yet to weigh on my shoulders and I still stood tall. We dated a bit and moved quite fast two lines on a stick and we had 18 years to last. Two more lines, and we decided to marry. I waddled to the courthouse with our baby I carried. That moment was just that, it didnt last long Before the blues were my only song. He cheated as often as people sleep or any other ritual like waking up or brushing teeth there was never a time it wasnt in my face when I got calls from women saying : "I've been at your place" "I sat on your couch." "You're married? I'm sorry, I should have figured that out." "He took me to six flags" "I saw your family pictures." "He said your marriage was open, I didn't know he was with ya." So one night, he was sitting on his phone. Chatting with his mistress as if I weren't even home. I pulled on my stockings and ...

Recently, I had the pleasure of witnessing a close family member tie the knot, jump the broom, take the plunge, etc. I have to admit that a part of me watched her grin and spin in her dress, dance, laugh and enjoy her day and I felt as if I were watching a documentary. On my wedding day I was 5 months pregnant, the groom was late, I was in the courthouse and I paid for the entire thing. We didn't even have rings. So as you can imagine, watching a woman totally enjoy her special day was a joy to see but also quite strange. I wonder how someone reaches that point of happiness when it comes to relationships? Now this couple has had their fair share of ups and downs. I've witnessed it. I was surprised they made it the altar. This isn't to speak negatively about their relationship. I'm often surprised anyone makes it the the altar these days. However, when the big day came there was nothing but joy for the both of them. The happiness they felt toward each other was palpable...

My mom raised three kids on her own. My close friend Sandra's* mom raised two kids on her own. My friend Lana* is a product of a married household. Let me tell you some more facts: I am now a single mom raising two kids on my own. My sister is a single mother raising two kids. Sandra is a single mom raising three kids on her own. Lana is married, with two children and more often than not, a stay at home mom. Lets take a look closer: My husband has always told me that I was destined to be a single mother. It is his belief that I didn't put in the effort required to keep our marriage afloat because I was far too receptive to being a single mother since that was the type of household that I came from. This may be true. I have no idea what a working marriage looks like since I wasn't the product of one. One of my brothers who grew up with my rolling stone of a father informed me that many of the flaws my husband had were the same flaws our father had. I found this to...