Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I seldom pray these days and some of you may say that my lack of prayer is likely the cause of some of my issues. That may or may not be true but today I am an angry woman. I just realized that I blew almost two frikkin years on a man that wasn't worthy of my time. As much as I would like to blame him for giving me a false sense of hope (don't get me going on my thoughts on hope. I'm not too fond of keeping that crap alive at all), I blame myself for foolishly volunteering my time, emotion and energy to a complete jackass.. FOR TWO FRIGGIN YEARS! Now I'm not one to dwell on mistakes. I believe we should take the lessons from them, apply them to the future and move on but its hard to do that when you can't stop thinking about what a son of a b-tch your ex is and what a jackass you were for enduring the b-tch@ssness buffet they served you for an entire relationship. My friends knew he was a jerk. I just thought he was an aspiring good guy with deep rooted jerk issue...

My mother is from Trinidad, W.I. Being raised by a Caribbean mother is unique. There are inside jokes that my only fellow W.I.-Americans (or First Generation Yankees) can appreciate. One of those things are the amount of fuss that is created over cleaning. In a Caribbean household, cleaning is a BIG deal but there are two specific cleanings that have plagued my life since I can remember: Holiday Cleaning and Spring Cleaning. Thankfully I have survived the holidays however Spring Cleaning is now here and my mother is buzzing about the house shaking her head disdainfully as she tears down curtains, and tossing just about any and everything into a thick black garbage bag. Typically, I try to stay out of my mother's way. I hide until she is done. My mother is almost always angry while she cleans and even if I took the initiative to clean something she would come behind me only to clean it all over again to her liking. This year however, I have my own bit of spring cleaning to do. By fi...

About five years ago I was as thin as I had ever been. I may have been either as thin as I was in HS. Its possible I was even smaller since I worked out five days a week and could bounce a quarter clear off my quads...(in my italian mobster voice: eh shad ahp and let me relish in my glory days, will ya?!). So, I was thin and I felt great. Then I looked so good that I ended up getting pregnant and was back to being overweight, and a card carrying member of the big girls club. Here I am four years later and I struggle with the same 15 pounds that I have left to lose. This is no fun at all. However, I will say that I am making leaps and bounds in other area's of my life. I am growing wiser each day and doing things that make me happy and doing without what doesn't. Recently I received news of something that is going to close a chapter of my life that at one point seemed endless. After some thought I realized that I will never be through with that part of my life for many years du...

I have been through a lot. When it comes to relationships I was chewed up, spit out, spit on and chewed up again just for good measure. While all of these experiences should have broken my spirit, in many ways I feel stronger than ever. My heart is still on reserve for the right man (definition to be explained upon his arrival) but I am still finding the will and strength to be open-minded when it comes to men. Funny enough however, I have found that the less I pay attention to men the more they pay attention to me... I have to repeat that sentence for emphasis: The less I pay attention to men, the more thy pay attention to me. I don't know why that is and truthfully I don't care. The bottom line is that I am so focused on my life, and what I feel I need to accomplish within it that the relationship I thought I longed for is no longer a priority. It's an option I am receptive to. So this post is for the ladies...don't go chasing every guy who seems like the complete opp...

She wasn't all that good looking. She was average at best. She didn't put her rouge on like Ella kept telling her too. She didn't see the sense in it, "ain't no colored woman in the world turn red in the face like that, and they lips ain't that pink neither!". That was the way she seen it. There wasn't any point trying to make yourself look like some white woman when you have a face the color of rich soil. She let out a soft chuckle as she tore the husk off each ear of corn. That Ella was one pig sty short of a mess. But she was a good friend, a friend for all times kind of friend. Her smile weakened as her mouth fixed itself back into its familiar pout. Her legs were agape, and her long house dress hung low like a stage curtain. It had been almost a year since he had left. She finally realized he wasn't coming home anytime soon. She felt a tear well up in her eyes and her throat became tight. She clenched her jaw tight and focused harder on ...

When you first quenched your thirst for the first high heels and purse that enticed you what did I do? I fell down and cried and with red rimmed eyes I asked you why and you let out a sigh and tried to console me but I refused because I wasn't used to be comforted by the enemy and when I couldn't be consoled for you the scene grew old and you became so bold to be so cold and tell me I overreacted. Later we became friends and reconciled again and then you left me for her we don't need to know her name because she is one and the same several women morphed into one and "any other woman" is her name and I cried once more and lay in a fetal position on the floor because my heart ached and ached and my spirit was sore from being broken again and your knee took a slow bend and you came down to me and you kissed my cheek and seemed to be tickled that my strong spirit could so meek all because of you Only I didn't feel tickled, I w...