Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

This is an old email that I sent to a few of my friends, documenting an experience that really enlightened and blessed me. As much of an impact it had on me, I hadn't thought of it for some years and it made me realize that I need to reflect more often. I hope that this ministers to you as it did me. On Thursday, after I dropped one of my surrogates off, I made a quick run to Laurel Mall to get some party supplies for Rane's birthday party the following day. In the parking lot, I saw an older woman sitting down and weeping loudly. At first, I ignored her and proceeded to my car, but then a nagging feeling came over me and I felt compelled to speak to this woman. There she sat, with a few layers of clothing, an old weathered face and long strawberry blonde hair cascading past her shoulders. I could tell that underneath her haggard exterior, she was once a beautiful woman with crystal clear blue eyes, high cheek bones and gorgeous hair. I asked her why she was sobbing and she sai

Each day, I would wake up and get a precious gem. There wasn't a day that they were ever the same, yet all of them were equally valuable. There came a day when I had more gems than I knew what to do with. They filled my pockets, they surrounded my feet, they consumed me. I didn't know how to clear them. I didn't know how to sort them. I didn't know how to leave them. I loved them so much. Still, each day I continued to receive each gem. Ever fatigued by the weight and quantity of them I smiled as I received them and frowned immediately after as I pondered what to do with them. I was in over my head. So, I decided to throw them away. I lamented over the loss, but I didn't know what to do with them. I valued them, and I loved them but I couldn't make them work for me. Instead I just allowed myself to be consumed, and my lack of a plan led to frustration and eventually gave way to resignation. I let my gems go. Upon giving them up, I suddenly had space to think ab

My name is Abby. Some of you may already know that, some of you may not. Either way, I got this name by default (another thing that some of you may know). I am not by any means Abigail VanBuren and giving advice is NOT something that I enjoy doing. In the span of about a month, I have found myself in the middle of numerous relationships, political spats at the workplace, and family quarrels. Todays blog is my way of making an effort to put my foot down. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANYONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS ANYMORE. I don't want to be in the middle, I don't want to hear how it all ends. I just want to be left alone. I know that this is quite selfish as I have my problems as well but at the end of the day the problems that I am solicited to give advice on will either continue or be solved with our without my input. So, for this reason, please leave me alone. Or, to make things more clear... I refuse to listen. I quit listening. I want to solve my own problems. In case you wondered, I

I have finally come to the conclusion that I am quite dysfunctional. My knack for getting into volatile relationships is best described as uncanny. I can NOT look for a dysfunctional relationship and land myself into one. I have done some serious finger pointing in the past, but this time I am going to point the finger at myself. I must be a wreck because all I see is calamity when it comes to my love life. I am still working toward a divorce, I am still plagued by a strange relationship with my mother,and I recently ended a highly volatile summer love affair. I can honestly tell you that I had no idea that any of these relationships were dysfunctional until I happened to glance across the room and saw my mind lying haphazardly across the floor. This was actually somewhat comforting since I didn't need to actually search for it. I suppose all wasn't completely lost. Either way, for the past year I've been frantically collecting myself and trying to recover (and regroup).

What I hate about you is that you are always right, even when you are absolutely wrong. I hate that the most simplest of things become complex for no reason when it comes to you and me. I hate that I have to bask in the peace between us with the ever-present anticipation of the war that will come soon after. I hate that you manipulate me into loving you only to take and give yours without a moments notice. I hate that you make me pay for everyone else's mistakes and wrong doings. I hate that you love me phenomenally one moment and hate me with a passion of equal intensity the next. I hate that I have to forgive your transgressions and I am steadily paying for my own instead of being forgiven. I hate that whenever we are happy we are so very happy and whenever we are angry, its enough to make me wish I didn't get deceived by our happier times. I hate that there is no expressing myself to you because you close every door, and put up every wall each and every time you feel slight