I have finally come to the conclusion that I am quite dysfunctional. My knack for getting into volatile relationships is best described as uncanny. I can NOT look for a dysfunctional relationship and land myself into one. I have done some serious finger pointing in the past, but this time I am going to point the finger at myself. I must be a wreck because all I see is calamity when it comes to my love life. I am still working toward a divorce, I am still plagued by a strange relationship with my mother,and I recently ended a highly volatile summer love affair. I can honestly tell you that I had no idea that any of these relationships were dysfunctional until I happened to glance across the room and saw my mind lying haphazardly across the floor. This was actually somewhat comforting since I didn't need to actually search for it. I suppose all wasn't completely lost.
Either way, for the past year I've been frantically collecting myself and trying to recover (and regroup).
From my mother's habit of making every issue about her, to my ex-husband who lives his life as a celebrity (he seems to believe that making "appearances" as opposed to actually being involved in his children's lives is okay), to my last relationship which seemed to consist of frequent break ups and make ups... all by verbal memos, I have come to realize that I am the root of all of this nonsense. I am the common denominator in all of these crazy relationships.
Now that I know this and ACKNOWLEDGE this I am planning to change. I need to change myself in order to change how I am treated and whom I attract. I'm not quite sure I know what it is that I need to change, but I assume I will figure that out while I pick up the pieces of my mind. Maybe something will click. Til then, I have some work to do.
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