Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I gave one last kiss to his face, my last taste of his skin the beautifully human encasement his spirit was held in. My fingertips traced his lips tenderly remembering when they once kissed me. I remembered the lust, I remembered the lies I remembered the warmth that filled his eyes. I touched his hands that once held my waist that at times would deny me, when I longed for their embrace. The times I spent seeing those lips curl into grins were now lost in the wilderness his love was in but I still ran my hands through his hair hoping to feel something there. Nothing. The eyes were empty. Heartbreak sent me to a confined place. It was a place with no light, no space, so tight that my throat began to choke on the reality of what came to be of us and my inability to breathe caused my chest to heave with every part of me squeezed, parts of me began to depart from me my tears were the first to leave. Then he rose, and looked into my eyes- a prelude to a sad goodbye An...

I seldom pray these days and some of you may say that my lack of prayer is likely the cause of some of my issues. That may or may not be true but today I am an angry woman. I just realized that I blew almost two frikkin years on a man that wasn't worthy of my time. As much as I would like to blame him for giving me a false sense of hope (don't get me going on my thoughts on hope. I'm not too fond of keeping that crap alive at all), I blame myself for foolishly volunteering my time, emotion and energy to a complete jackass.. FOR TWO FRIGGIN YEARS! Now I'm not one to dwell on mistakes. I believe we should take the lessons from them, apply them to the future and move on but its hard to do that when you can't stop thinking about what a son of a b-tch your ex is and what a jackass you were for enduring the b-tch@ssness buffet they served you for an entire relationship. My friends knew he was a jerk. I just thought he was an aspiring good guy with deep rooted jerk issue...