He Loves Me. He Loves Me? Not!

I've had a few people tell me they love me. Some would say they were in love and others would say that they just loved me. Sometimes, I could happily respond with my own profession of adoration and other times I have to smile and say "well I can't wait to love you too." I mean, what are you to say when someone verbalizes the ultimate emotion for you and you don't feel the same?
Recently I met a guy. I even blogged about him before commenting on how he is a flaky guy and I have no idea where things will end up. Well this guy said he loves me. It's funny because I was happy to respond with the same sentiment. Then the bull$@#% started. This man has the motivation of a sloth on Mary Jane..with a bum knee...and arthritis. You get the point.
So when you both love each other, it's nothing but smooth sailing, right? WRONG.
Sure, every couple will experience tribulation within a relationship. However, when you have the love thing down, it is usually the iron clad argument you can fall on when faced with the notion of leaving the relationship. Many people have justified staying in a relationship because of the most simple of reasons: I love him. I love her, them (big up to the poly-amorous community) , whatever floats your boat that's what you say when you want to stay in a relationship. For some reason, no matter how absurd your relationship may seem people suddenly nod emphatically and back off.
But back to Sloth Man: He dropped the word on me and I was cool with it. I was already there so it was a moment of relief to know that I wasn't alone in that, or so I thought.
Ladies, gentlemen I have to tell you that there are just certain things I refuse to believe love does.
The more and more time went by, I became more and more baffled at the lack of progression within our relationship. The only thing that continued to grow were my feelings but aside from that, we were stagnant. Things could have moved along. We could have grown in our relationship but he was not ambitious in making any changes within his life to facilitate the possibility of growth. He would tell me that he would love for us to move forward and then sit on his arse and expect things to spontaneously take off.
I would sit in the relationship like an angry passenger who's frustrated with the clueless driver. God. That sentence was more accurate than I care to admit. So we moved no where and each time I would try to walk away, I wouldn't do so completely and he would have me back where I was; standing beside him instead of moving and walking toward a better situation. It went back and forth like this for just about 6 months until I requested he not come around at all. I realized the habit of being with him and not being with him wasn't taking us any place unless going around in circles is enough movement for you.
Telling him I didn't want to see him at all was difficult. I would like to see him, but moving through life with me rather than watching it past me by alongside him. There's a lot more to this story but I don't care to share it detail. The wounds are still fresh on this one folks.
Love is a force. It motivates people to have intense passion. I don't care if the love is for an object, person, political view, or a damned holiday, where there is love: there is motivation and passion. I've never thought of love as being indifferent, or complacent. So if someone were to ask me if I believed he loved me, I would say 'no.' Like I said before, there are certain things love just doesn't do and stifle you with undue pain is one of them. Guess what will do that though? Selfishness.
Again, there are things that love just won't do. I don't need to list them. You will have a moment (hopefully not) in your relationship where whatever it is that you are feeling from your partner suddenly just doesn't
fee like love anymore. And once that happens, you will know what you need to do, even if you don't want to do it.

K-Ci & Jo-Jo Come Clean.... : REVIEW

When I heard that K-Ci and Jo-Jo were coming out with a reality show documenting their experience going through rehab, I was excited. The first thing I wanted to know was which one was K-Ci and which one was Jo-Jo (yes, it has been that long since I have seen let alone heard of them since highschool). I always loved Jodeci and when the two lead singers of the group branched off and made a few ballads I looked forward to hearing more, but more never came. Years passed by and I continued to play their hits and came to terms with the fact that this group was never going to reunite and the two brothers whose vocals lead the group to super stardom with were coked up and out for the count. Enter K-Ci and Jo-Jo: Coming Clean. I figured they were going to finally boot the snow blizzard that packed their nostrils. WRONG. They are kicking the alcohol habit. They claim that there was never a drug problem. We all have heard otherwise, but they insist. If moscato can turn me into what these t...

When History Repeats Itself...

My mom raised three kids on her own. My close friend Sandra's* mom raised two kids on her own. My friend Lana* is a product of a married household. Let me tell you some more facts: I am now a single mom raising two kids on my own. My sister is a single mother raising two kids. Sandra is a single mom raising three kids on her own. Lana is married, with two children and more often than not, a stay at home mom. Lets take a look closer: My husband has always told me that I was destined to be a single mother. It is his belief that I didn't put in the effort required to keep our marriage afloat because I was far too receptive to being a single mother since that was the type of household that I came from. This may be true. I have no idea what a working marriage looks like since I wasn't the product of one. One of my brothers who grew up with my rolling stone of a father informed me that many of the flaws my husband had were the same flaws our father had. I found this to...

Admit It, You're Bitter!

For most, dating isn't easy (see " Dating Game (s) post). Can I be honest? I have no idea on where to begin! With each failed relationship, after sulking and licking your wounds one would hope that they have at least learned something from the experience. As much as we invest in these relationships, even after their demise we should hope to take something away from it. Whether that means that you no longer have tolerance for someone who doesn't make you happy, or finally realizing someone who only changes their underwear on special occasions may not be the right person for you... the bottom line is that you have standards. For me, standards were truly created and defined after navigating the terrain of turbulent relationships. Its not that I hadn't a clue of what I wanted in a partner, its just that a few go-rounds with the wrong person will let you know what you DON'T want in a partner. Negative experiences will often leave me far less receptive ...

Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

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