He Loves Me. He Loves Me? Not!

I've had a few people tell me they love me. Some would say they were in love and others would say that they just loved me. Sometimes, I could happily respond with my own profession of adoration and other times I have to smile and say "well I can't wait to love you too." I mean, what are you to say when someone verbalizes the ultimate emotion for you and you don't feel the same?
Recently I met a guy. I even blogged about him before commenting on how he is a flaky guy and I have no idea where things will end up. Well this guy said he loves me. It's funny because I was happy to respond with the same sentiment. Then the bull$@#% started. This man has the motivation of a sloth on Mary Jane..with a bum knee...and arthritis. You get the point.
So when you both love each other, it's nothing but smooth sailing, right? WRONG.
Sure, every couple will experience tribulation within a relationship. However, when you have the love thing down, it is usually the iron clad argument you can fall on when faced with the notion of leaving the relationship. Many people have justified staying in a relationship because of the most simple of reasons: I love him. I love her, them (big up to the poly-amorous community) , whatever floats your boat that's what you say when you want to stay in a relationship. For some reason, no matter how absurd your relationship may seem people suddenly nod emphatically and back off.
But back to Sloth Man: He dropped the word on me and I was cool with it. I was already there so it was a moment of relief to know that I wasn't alone in that, or so I thought.
Ladies, gentlemen I have to tell you that there are just certain things I refuse to believe love does.
The more and more time went by, I became more and more baffled at the lack of progression within our relationship. The only thing that continued to grow were my feelings but aside from that, we were stagnant. Things could have moved along. We could have grown in our relationship but he was not ambitious in making any changes within his life to facilitate the possibility of growth. He would tell me that he would love for us to move forward and then sit on his arse and expect things to spontaneously take off.
I would sit in the relationship like an angry passenger who's frustrated with the clueless driver. God. That sentence was more accurate than I care to admit. So we moved no where and each time I would try to walk away, I wouldn't do so completely and he would have me back where I was; standing beside him instead of moving and walking toward a better situation. It went back and forth like this for just about 6 months until I requested he not come around at all. I realized the habit of being with him and not being with him wasn't taking us any place unless going around in circles is enough movement for you.
Telling him I didn't want to see him at all was difficult. I would like to see him, but moving through life with me rather than watching it past me by alongside him. There's a lot more to this story but I don't care to share it detail. The wounds are still fresh on this one folks.
Love is a force. It motivates people to have intense passion. I don't care if the love is for an object, person, political view, or a damned holiday, where there is love: there is motivation and passion. I've never thought of love as being indifferent, or complacent. So if someone were to ask me if I believed he loved me, I would say 'no.' Like I said before, there are certain things love just doesn't do and stifle you with undue pain is one of them. Guess what will do that though? Selfishness.
Again, there are things that love just won't do. I don't need to list them. You will have a moment (hopefully not) in your relationship where whatever it is that you are feeling from your partner suddenly just doesn't
fee like love anymore. And once that happens, you will know what you need to do, even if you don't want to do it.

And I Am Telling You... Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!

Dreamgirls was a successful Broadway play for years. It even made it's way to the big screen in 2006. Original headliners of the staged version included then little known Loretta Divine and now long forgotten Jennifer Holliday. Watching the performance of the then robust and popular Holliday allowed me to witness her successful portrayal of the scorned character Effie White. In a passionate performance she screamed, sobbed and belted the lyrics of "And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" in such a way that years later many have made a valiant effort to match her vocal bravado in singing the same song. Of those attempts, most have fallen far from the mark. With this knowledge, I wondered why was it that Jennifer Hollidays career didn't move much further beyond her Dreamgirls fame. Upon doing a bit of google research ( not the most reliable, but definitely the most convenient) I have found several theories as to why Jennifer Holiday's career came to a standstill...

Good Morning Heartache....

When I was about 14 my mother gave me a book called "Good Morning Holy Spirit". It was a Christian book that was aimed to keep believers in tune with God. It encouraged the reader to wake up each morning and greet God, allowing Him to play a role in your life each day. I still try to do that. Recently, I realized that another part of my life that I can certainly do without is heartache. Getting married and going through the motions of a divorce gives way to feelings that are far from pleasant. It's stressful, it's emotionally draining and it hurts like the dickens. With all of these aches and pains I still press on with my decision to end my marriage. My husband understands. For the first time last night, I poured my heart out to him, sobbed and expressed my pain. I told him that I loved him, but I could never be with him again. I admitted that I don't know how to be his wife. I admitted that I am petrified of being a single parent to two girls. I mourn...

K-Ci & Jo-Jo Come Clean.... : REVIEW

When I heard that K-Ci and Jo-Jo were coming out with a reality show documenting their experience going through rehab, I was excited. The first thing I wanted to know was which one was K-Ci and which one was Jo-Jo (yes, it has been that long since I have seen let alone heard of them since highschool). I always loved Jodeci and when the two lead singers of the group branched off and made a few ballads I looked forward to hearing more, but more never came. Years passed by and I continued to play their hits and came to terms with the fact that this group was never going to reunite and the two brothers whose vocals lead the group to super stardom with were coked up and out for the count. Enter K-Ci and Jo-Jo: Coming Clean. I figured they were going to finally boot the snow blizzard that packed their nostrils. WRONG. They are kicking the alcohol habit. They claim that there was never a drug problem. We all have heard otherwise, but they insist. If moscato can turn me into what these t...

Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

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