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Recently I met a guy. I even blogged about him before commenting on how he is a flaky guy and I have no idea where things will end up. Well this guy said he loves me. It's funny because I was happy to respond with the same sentiment. Then the bull$@#% started. This man has the motivation of a sloth on Mary Jane..with a bum knee...and arthritis. You get the point.
So when you both love each other, it's nothing but smooth sailing, right? WRONG.
Sure, every couple will experience tribulation within a relationship. However, when you have the love thing down, it is usually the iron clad argument you can fall on when faced with the notion of leaving the relationship. Many people have justified staying in a relationship because of the most simple of reasons: I love him. I love her, them (big up to the poly-amorous community) , whatever floats your boat that's what you say when you want to stay in a relationship. For some reason, no matter how absurd your relationship may seem people suddenly nod emphatically and back off.
But back to Sloth Man: He dropped the word on me and I was cool with it. I was already there so it was a moment of relief to know that I wasn't alone in that, or so I thought.
Ladies, gentlemen I have to tell you that there are just certain things I refuse to believe love does.
The more and more time went by, I became more and more baffled at the lack of progression within our relationship. The only thing that continued to grow were my feelings but aside from that, we were stagnant. Things could have moved along. We could have grown in our relationship but he was not ambitious in making any changes within his life to facilitate the possibility of growth. He would tell me that he would love for us to move forward and then sit on his arse and expect things to spontaneously take off.
I would sit in the relationship like an angry passenger who's frustrated with the clueless driver. God. That sentence was more accurate than I care to admit. So we moved no where and each time I would try to walk away, I wouldn't do so completely and he would have me back where I was; standing beside him instead of moving and walking toward a better situation. It went back and forth like this for just about 6 months until I requested he not come around at all. I realized the habit of being with him and not being with him wasn't taking us any place unless going around in circles is enough movement for you.
Telling him I didn't want to see him at all was difficult. I would like to see him, but moving through life with me rather than watching it past me by alongside him. There's a lot more to this story but I don't care to share it detail. The wounds are still fresh on this one folks.
Love is a force. It motivates people to have intense passion. I don't care if the love is for an object, person, political view, or a damned holiday, where there is love: there is motivation and passion. I've never thought of love as being indifferent, or complacent. So if someone were to ask me if I believed he loved me, I would say 'no.' Like I said before, there are certain things love just doesn't do and stifle you with undue pain is one of them. Guess what will do that though? Selfishness.
Again, there are things that love just won't do. I don't need to list them. You will have a moment (hopefully not) in your relationship where whatever it is that you are feeling from your partner suddenly just doesn't
fee like love anymore. And once that happens, you will know what you need to do, even if you don't want to do it.
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