Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

Photo by  Redd Angelo  on  Unsplash "So what do you want to do about us?" That's what I asked him. It had been about two years of dating, love, and intimacy of varied levels.  "I would like us to be together in the future. I can see us together." These kinds of answers do nothing for me. When someone wants something, they set goals. I wasn't a goal. I was an option. I was a convenience and for the greater portion of two years, I was a fool.  I could say the love held me there. I could say the chemistry held me there however, whatever the reason I can't say it was worth spending two years hoping that someone would decide I'm worth committing to.  The worst part? This silly response was always the same. Time went on and the response remained the same. There were brief periods where we actually were "together" but the same issues that plagued our relationship from the beginning hung over us like a black cloud. We were covered i...

Photo by  jean wimmerlin  on  Unsplash He sat there on his corduroy reclining armchair as if it were a sad throne he refused to abandon. No one sat his armchair. When we were kids we were always shooed away from it by mom before he could discover our disobedience. Mom always had a way of averting a crisis. She would protect us from his wrath and protect him from aggravation. I wondered who protected her, but I knew the answer. Today he sat in that damned chair and refused to look at me. Mom sat on the couch, her island of exile where her eyes darted from him to me while she wrung her hands repeatedly. God, she was such a mess. How can someone spend their entire life attempting to placate everyone all the time? I admired and resented her. "I'm not going." I wanted them to realize that I was firm on this. It's my decision, not hers and certainly not his. I was tired of living my life in a way that they felt comfortable and I didn't want to do it anymore. I j...

Photo by  Dollar Gill  on  Unsplash Tired of the drama and dysfunction? That's interesting because chances are, you created it and or/facilitated it. Wait! Don't stop reading before I explain: If you're in a lackluster relationship, there was a point that you realized this person wasn't for you. If you didn't decide they weren't for you, then you likely began to ponder if they actually are for you. Sometimes it takes time to be definitive. If you're always in the midst of drama with friends or family, you have to wonder where your participation in the nonsense you're enduring comes in. If you are always in the middle of workplace gossip, you may want to ask yourself why you are aware anyone is gossiping. Even the person playing reporter has a role in your dramatic workplace story. If you're overweight, you had a hand in getting there one way or another. It doesn't matter if you have a medical issue, you can monitor your caloric intake...

"You're so cool, I just can't figure out why you're single!" I hear this sentiment more often than I care to share. While I smile and accept it as a compliment, I also feel a pang of anger within.  I don't know why I'm single.  I can probably take a few guesses. I don't have time to date, or just don't make time. I'm completely open to meeting the man that I can spend my life with but one husband and several relationships later, that guy is looking like he doesn't exist. Today, at my part time job, I met a guy. He's literally the cable guy and he came in to service an apartment. He was pretty flirtatious and I of course served it back to him. That's just in my nature. I don't know how NOT to be flirtatious, especially when my skills are being solicited. I think that eventually giving the cable guy my number wasn't the most professional decision I've ever made but there was no way that I was going to pass up th...