I have read my past blogs and it was clear that I was clueless when it came to dating. Heck, I even titled plenty of them saying as much. After several failed relationships and a subsequent hiatus, I believe that I may have found the secret to enjoying dating life a bachelorette (well some of you do it while married in relationships so I felt the needs to specify my status. It's also a shameless FYI, but I digress...). I recently joined a website. I'm going to go ahead and name it. It's called Black People Meet. I can't help but laugh at this because I wonder if there is another site call White People Meet. If so I have to also find the Asian People Meet and Hispanic People Meet sites for no other reason but to see if they exist. Either way I joined the site and the first thing I found was that there were caucasians on the site. Indians too. Maybe there isn't an Indian People Meet site? You tell me. I have enough to google. So, I went to this site and forked over $40 for about 4 months. I hate it. I remembered why I don't care for online dating at all. At the same, my schedule doesn't allow for happy hours so I have no choice but to troll sites, shamlessly put myself on display like some interactive mannequenne that a man would want to spend his life with, and sort through a plethora of humorous and often downright disconcerting emails. Welcome to online dating in 2015. Have a seat. Start a vigil. It's fun. As I've stated before, this isn't my first rodeo. All I had to do was dust off my cowgirl boots and punch in my mastercard. However, there is something that changed. I stopped caring. Previously, I was so consumed with making dating work that I was focused on the "whats". What are the "whats"? They are the standards, the definites, the what I need to be able to build a relationship. This can be anything from a six figure salary to willing to marry within the first 8 months. Everyone has the "whats" and while we are encouraged to believe that having lists is what is going to guide us, we don't need them. We have instincts and preferences and if you meet someone that is a walking red flag, you won't proceed. You don't need to keep checklists in mind while meeting people. So I abandoned my what's when I realized that God was taken and was too busy running heaven to swing by and do a Starbucks meet and greet. Another issue I had was ITS. ITS stands for Internal Timeline Syndrome. That's a magic timeframe that we have in our mind but don't tell the person the deadline for achieving the goals we set for them. Examples of ITS are: when to have sex, when to become exclusive, when to finally meet face to face, when to meet the family, and when to get married. No one takes clarvoyant pills. Don't expect someone to know when you want to take leaps in the relationship. I have decided to just flow. I dont have ITS anymore. I just allow my interaction, feelings, and his lead to dictate when things move forward, or don't. Last, stop giving a damn. Yes. Stop giving a crap about dating. Just do it. Do it as casually as your brush your teeth. Don't think about it. Don't talk about it with all of your girlfriends. All they're going to do is pick a "favorite" and make him the mascot of your dating game and you will disappoint them all when it fails. Let friends and family know you are dating and be obscure about the rest. The last thing you need is the pressure of other's desires of love for your life to weigh on your shoulders as you meet serveral random people online. STOP CARING. Don't feel ashamed about taking 30 different selfies in search of the perfect profile picture. Don't worry about the wackadoodle who messaged you 3 times in a week on the dating site. Disregard the no show at Starbucks. Never mind that the barrista knows you on a first name basis because you come there so often. STOP CARING. Just go along for the ride. The less you pay attention, the more people will make an effort to show you who they are and solicit your attention. The pressure to meet someone to satisfy your "whats" and ITS will be gone and when that happens, you will experience the joy of dating for nothing more but for the heck of it. I have read my past blogs and it was clear that I was clueless when it came to dating. Heck, I even titled plenty of them saying as much. After several failed relationships and a subsequent hiatus, I believe that I may have found the secret to enjoying dating life a bachelorette (well some of you do it while married in relationships so I felt the needs to specify my status. It's also a shameless FYI, but I digress...). I recently joined a website. I'm going to go ahead and name it. It's called Black People Meet. I can't help but laugh at this because I wonder if there is another site call White People Meet. If so I have to also find the Asian People Meet and Hispanic People Meet sites for no other reason but to see if they exist. Either way I joined the site and the first thing I found was that there were caucasians on the site. Indians too. Maybe there isn't an Indian People Meet site? You tell me. I have enough to google. So, I went to this site and forked over $40 for about 4 months. I hate it. I remembered why I don't care for online dating at all. At the same, my schedule doesn't allow for happy hours so I have no choice but to troll sites, shamlessly put myself on display like some interactive mannequenne that a man would want to spend his life with, and sort through a plethora of humorous and often downright disconcerting emails. Welcome to online dating in 2015. Have a seat. Start a vigil. It's fun. As I've stated before, this isn't my first rodeo. All I had to do was dust off my cowgirl boots and punch in my mastercard. However, there is something that changed. I stopped caring. Previously, I was so consumed with making dating work that I was focused on the "whats". What are the "whats"? They are the standards, the definites, the what I need to be able to build a relationship. This can be anything from a six figure salary to willing to marry within the first 8 months. Everyone has the "whats" and while we are encouraged to believe that having lists is what is going to guide us, we don't need them. We have instincts and preferences and if you meet someone that is a walking red flag, you won't proceed. You don't need to keep checklists in mind while meeting people. So I abandoned my what's when I realized that God was taken and was too busy running heaven to swing by and do a Starbucks meet and greet. Another issue I had was ITS. ITS stands for Internal Timeline Syndrome. That's a magic timeframe that we have in our mind but don't tell the person the deadline for achieving the goals we set for them. Examples of ITS are: when to have sex, when to become exclusive, when to finally meet face to face, when to meet the family, and when to get married. No one takes clarvoyant pills. Don't expect someone to know when you want to take leaps in the relationship. I have decided to just flow. I dont have ITS anymore. I just allow my interaction, feelings, and his lead to dictate when things move forward, or don't. Last, stop giving a damn. Yes. Stop giving a crap about dating. Just do it. Do it as casually as your brush your teeth. Don't think about it. Don't talk about it with all of your girlfriends. All they're going to do is pick a "favorite" and make him the mascot of your dating game and you will disappoint them all when it fails. Let friends and family know you are dating and be obscure about the rest. The last thing you need is the pressure of other's desires of love for your life to weigh on your shoulders as you meet serveral random people online. STOP CARING. Don't feel ashamed about taking 30 different selfies in search of the perfect profile picture. Don't worry about the wackadoodle who messaged you 3 times in a week on the dating site. Disregard the no show at Starbucks. Never mind that the barrista knows you on a first name basis because you come there so often. STOP CARING. Just go along for the ride. The less you pay attention, the more people will make an effort to show you who they are and solicit your attention. The pressure to meet someone to satisfy your "whats" and ITS will be gone and when that happens, you will experience the joy of dating for nothing more but for the heck of it.
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