I have been down this road before. I have tried dating and found that it is exhausting, demanding and fruitless. However I always hear my friends and sister tell me that there is the right person out there for me and all I need to do is be patient enough to locate this mystery individual.
Well, when I least expected it... I met someone that really peaked my interest. Intelligent, cute, ambitous, sensible, cultured, humorous... the list indeed goes on. Can I tell you that even with all these positive attributes I was filled with nothing but apprehension? I seem to have a real problem. I am always eager to dive head first into a dummy rain puddle and petrified to wade in the ocean of bliss that is a healthy relationship.
So, there I was wearing a life jacket and goggles, umbrella in hand totally fearful of embarking on anything with this person and then finally I took the plunge. Boy, did I take the plunge. I will leave the details to myself. Either way, I didn't have too much of a problem wading in the waters of this relationship. Sure, everyone has their issues and their hang ups but overall when things were good they were so damned good that I often forgot about what I didn't care for. What I never stopped to realize was MY OWN HANG UPS. Yeah, I have a few...
First of all, I have a husband. I'm still married. I'm ferociously fighting to get out of it but I am still legally bound to this d-bag until I make it to the court house. Second, I have two children. What does this mean? To anyone I meet my kids will be known as "not my damned kids" to them. I don't even think the names will register for months. The only fact that will be apparent is that I have kids that don't belong to them and therefore they are not responsible for nor interested in.
Last, I have a nosey mother. Oh, I already know what you're thinking! "Why is this woman allowing her mother to meddle in her love life?" Well, are you American? Because if you are that would be problem number oneas to why you can't answer your own question.
My mother is a Trinidadian native who is now 63 years old (give or take a year or two... I only keep track for the milestones). She spent the better portion of my marriage to the d-bag randomly popping up after work to socialize and sometimes when he just got out of the shower. She is a single mom by the way so there are no friends and there is no boyfriend to keep her ococupied. This means that I am the designated bestfriend and surrogate spouse. The dysfunction is apparent but familiar. So, I can't tell my mother to eff off. She's my mother and my respect for her seems to know no boundaries while her respect for my private life seems to seriously be lacking. There isn't and hasn't been a time that I have been involved with someone and she has had more than 2 cents to offer on the matter. Mother and meddling seem to be synonymous when it comes to our relationship.
So, that brings me to where I am at this very moment. A hurricane is brewing (literally, its all over the news) and my life seems to mirror the storm. I dated someone that I began to really like and it all went to crap because we couldn't weather the storm of all that comes along with HurricaneSingleMom.
I am beginning to realize that I have to find a way to take control of my life and make time for the things and people that matter to me so I can be happy instead of realizing the same sad, and lonely existence that is my own mother's life.
God, I hated typing that but its reality as I see it.
Goodness, all I need is a cat and I'd be a sterotypically old lady with a cat.... wait, her name is Princess and she sleeps on the arm of my brown leather couch. The future seems bleak indeed.
Well, when I least expected it... I met someone that really peaked my interest. Intelligent, cute, ambitous, sensible, cultured, humorous... the list indeed goes on. Can I tell you that even with all these positive attributes I was filled with nothing but apprehension? I seem to have a real problem. I am always eager to dive head first into a dummy rain puddle and petrified to wade in the ocean of bliss that is a healthy relationship.
So, there I was wearing a life jacket and goggles, umbrella in hand totally fearful of embarking on anything with this person and then finally I took the plunge. Boy, did I take the plunge. I will leave the details to myself. Either way, I didn't have too much of a problem wading in the waters of this relationship. Sure, everyone has their issues and their hang ups but overall when things were good they were so damned good that I often forgot about what I didn't care for. What I never stopped to realize was MY OWN HANG UPS. Yeah, I have a few...
First of all, I have a husband. I'm still married. I'm ferociously fighting to get out of it but I am still legally bound to this d-bag until I make it to the court house. Second, I have two children. What does this mean? To anyone I meet my kids will be known as "not my damned kids" to them. I don't even think the names will register for months. The only fact that will be apparent is that I have kids that don't belong to them and therefore they are not responsible for nor interested in.
Last, I have a nosey mother. Oh, I already know what you're thinking! "Why is this woman allowing her mother to meddle in her love life?" Well, are you American? Because if you are that would be problem number oneas to why you can't answer your own question.
My mother is a Trinidadian native who is now 63 years old (give or take a year or two... I only keep track for the milestones). She spent the better portion of my marriage to the d-bag randomly popping up after work to socialize and sometimes when he just got out of the shower. She is a single mom by the way so there are no friends and there is no boyfriend to keep her ococupied. This means that I am the designated bestfriend and surrogate spouse. The dysfunction is apparent but familiar. So, I can't tell my mother to eff off. She's my mother and my respect for her seems to know no boundaries while her respect for my private life seems to seriously be lacking. There isn't and hasn't been a time that I have been involved with someone and she has had more than 2 cents to offer on the matter. Mother and meddling seem to be synonymous when it comes to our relationship.
So, that brings me to where I am at this very moment. A hurricane is brewing (literally, its all over the news) and my life seems to mirror the storm. I dated someone that I began to really like and it all went to crap because we couldn't weather the storm of all that comes along with HurricaneSingleMom.
I am beginning to realize that I have to find a way to take control of my life and make time for the things and people that matter to me so I can be happy instead of realizing the same sad, and lonely existence that is my own mother's life.
God, I hated typing that but its reality as I see it.
Goodness, all I need is a cat and I'd be a sterotypically old lady with a cat.... wait, her name is Princess and she sleeps on the arm of my brown leather couch. The future seems bleak indeed.
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