It happened again. I met a wonderful man. He was sweet, kind, affectionate, and sure of what he wanted. He was good.
Hearing all of these things may cause one to wonder why is it then that I am not with him.
The answer is simple: every good man isn't the man for you.
We met online. We hit it off quite quickly. What started off as casual dating turned into a whirlwind romance. Sometimes I wonder if we were both caught up in some sort of romantic fantasy rather than a realistic effort to build something that could last. I hate to downplay how we felt but I suppose its the Curse of a Cynic.
"I really like you" evolved into "I love yous" in a matter of months. When I say months I mean two of them, perhaps even less.
I loved the way he made me feel. I loved how attentive he was. I loved the comfort we had between us and how easily things flowed. I loved that I could be myself without being penalized. I loved that he made me thank God for giving me hope for loving again. I loved, but I wasn't in love and he was.
The time we spent together was always brief. We got to know each other mostly over texts, calls and emails. I realize now that getting to know someone in such a manner can accelerate things quite easily. You can engage more frequently, all day even without sharing the same room. The truth is that if you were with anyone physically as often as you texted, you may gain a more true sense of your compatibility and feelings because you can't put the phone down or the log out of your inbox when you decide to allow distraction.
We spent almost an entire weekend together. It was during our weekend that we had our first disagreement. Actually it was more like a series of minor disagreements that by the end of my stay left me emotionally exasperated. I felt as if I were being picked apart over every statement and action. I didn't kiss him hello the right way, I talked too much about an ongoing personal issue that was bothering me, I hurt his feelings when I expressed the extent of my sexual liberation. There was an announcement whenever I didn't respond the way he wanted me to. If I didn't want to have sex, there was an announcement. If I didn't sleep in such a way that was conducive to cuddling, there was an announcement. I began to feel like my every movement was subject to close observation and each conclusion manifested itself into the form of an announcement.
One may say that is the sign of an attentive man. A man that observes your behaviors wants to know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. This may be true. Its quite possible I'm not used to that sort of attention.
A man that wants to cuddle with you is a man that wants to be close to you. I'm not a very affectionate person. It's possible I can't appreciate that sort of affection.
A man that wants to make love to you is a man that values you for far more than sexual gratification. I may be the type of woman that enjoys the gratification portion of sex. I enjoy the pure carnal joy of intercourse. Intimacy for me can be created in other ways.
If I have learned anything, its that having different points of view doesn't make anyone wrong. It just may not make for a long lasting relationship.
When two people disagree they have to desire companionship of one another enough to look past the their differences.However, while I loved so many things about him and adored him I didn't desire the companionship enough to look past the differences. Instead I realized how much I enjoy my own space, time and company.
I learned that a life long relationship isn't the remedy for a moment of loneliness.
I'm thankful to have met him. I wish him a wonderful love and long lasting love but I don't want to be with anyone for the long haul. While there have been some that I could have seen myself spending a lifetime with...when put the test, I just don't measure up to wife material. I'm too independent, too set in my ways, and too content with being alone.
I find it all quite interesting because when I left my marriage, I decided I was going to spend the next few years finding myself. I wanted to be me again. Somehow I felt compelled to start a new life with a new man however I have met at least two great guys in the past year and I still walked away. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why. I wanted to meet a good man and while he had his flaws I have PLENTY of my own. He was/is a good guy. So why did I walk away?
When I was in my early 20's I was quite adamant in my decision that I wasn't going to marry and I wasn't going to have kids. I ended up doing both. My kids aren't going anywhere and I don't want them to but I doubt that I will be marrying ever again. This doesn't make me broken. This doesn't make me dysfunctional. This makes me who I am. I have come to realize that today I am more 'me' than I have ever been in a long time.
Feels good to be back.
Hearing all of these things may cause one to wonder why is it then that I am not with him.
The answer is simple: every good man isn't the man for you.
We met online. We hit it off quite quickly. What started off as casual dating turned into a whirlwind romance. Sometimes I wonder if we were both caught up in some sort of romantic fantasy rather than a realistic effort to build something that could last. I hate to downplay how we felt but I suppose its the Curse of a Cynic.
"I really like you" evolved into "I love yous" in a matter of months. When I say months I mean two of them, perhaps even less.
I loved the way he made me feel. I loved how attentive he was. I loved the comfort we had between us and how easily things flowed. I loved that I could be myself without being penalized. I loved that he made me thank God for giving me hope for loving again. I loved, but I wasn't in love and he was.
The time we spent together was always brief. We got to know each other mostly over texts, calls and emails. I realize now that getting to know someone in such a manner can accelerate things quite easily. You can engage more frequently, all day even without sharing the same room. The truth is that if you were with anyone physically as often as you texted, you may gain a more true sense of your compatibility and feelings because you can't put the phone down or the log out of your inbox when you decide to allow distraction.
We spent almost an entire weekend together. It was during our weekend that we had our first disagreement. Actually it was more like a series of minor disagreements that by the end of my stay left me emotionally exasperated. I felt as if I were being picked apart over every statement and action. I didn't kiss him hello the right way, I talked too much about an ongoing personal issue that was bothering me, I hurt his feelings when I expressed the extent of my sexual liberation. There was an announcement whenever I didn't respond the way he wanted me to. If I didn't want to have sex, there was an announcement. If I didn't sleep in such a way that was conducive to cuddling, there was an announcement. I began to feel like my every movement was subject to close observation and each conclusion manifested itself into the form of an announcement.
One may say that is the sign of an attentive man. A man that observes your behaviors wants to know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. This may be true. Its quite possible I'm not used to that sort of attention.
A man that wants to cuddle with you is a man that wants to be close to you. I'm not a very affectionate person. It's possible I can't appreciate that sort of affection.
A man that wants to make love to you is a man that values you for far more than sexual gratification. I may be the type of woman that enjoys the gratification portion of sex. I enjoy the pure carnal joy of intercourse. Intimacy for me can be created in other ways.
If I have learned anything, its that having different points of view doesn't make anyone wrong. It just may not make for a long lasting relationship.
When two people disagree they have to desire companionship of one another enough to look past the their differences.However, while I loved so many things about him and adored him I didn't desire the companionship enough to look past the differences. Instead I realized how much I enjoy my own space, time and company.
I learned that a life long relationship isn't the remedy for a moment of loneliness.
I'm thankful to have met him. I wish him a wonderful love and long lasting love but I don't want to be with anyone for the long haul. While there have been some that I could have seen myself spending a lifetime with...when put the test, I just don't measure up to wife material. I'm too independent, too set in my ways, and too content with being alone.
I find it all quite interesting because when I left my marriage, I decided I was going to spend the next few years finding myself. I wanted to be me again. Somehow I felt compelled to start a new life with a new man however I have met at least two great guys in the past year and I still walked away. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why. I wanted to meet a good man and while he had his flaws I have PLENTY of my own. He was/is a good guy. So why did I walk away?
When I was in my early 20's I was quite adamant in my decision that I wasn't going to marry and I wasn't going to have kids. I ended up doing both. My kids aren't going anywhere and I don't want them to but I doubt that I will be marrying ever again. This doesn't make me broken. This doesn't make me dysfunctional. This makes me who I am. I have come to realize that today I am more 'me' than I have ever been in a long time.
Feels good to be back.
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