Skip to main content

I Knew It Was Over When (Confessions of A Clueless Dater)

I have a few more I knew it was over when's. I was chatting with a girlfriend and we were sharing our terrible dating stories and suddenly several of my " I Knew It Was Over When .... " 's came flooding back to me:

I knew it was over when:

photo courtesy of survivorsucks.com

  1. He spontaneously licked my boob crack and said "Girrrrl!". 
  2. He asked for a kiss, I said no, so he "took it" by kissing me passionately with my lips clenched shut.
  3. He started using slang that my daughter uses. 
  4. He turned to me and said "whew that was good!" ...and it wasn't.
  5. He had white bumps on his... 
  6. He said he was tired of STD's and needed to settle down
  7. He accused me of not cuddling him enough
  8. He sent me daily videos of him... licking his lips. Nothing else, just lip licking.
  9. He started freestyle rapping while we were making out
  10. He made high pitched puppy cries while we were making out
  11. He asked me if I wanted to see him in panties
  12. He went to jail.
  13. He picked his nose and ate his finding...openly. Several times.  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sign Of The Times: Case of The Serial Texter

I was lying in bed when I heard the familiar chime of an incoming text. Opening one eye, I opened the message to see two letters: GM. Still, in the stupor that slumber often puts you in, I scanned my brain to register the meaning...ah yes...Good Morning. I clumsily keyed in "Hey" and hit the send button. I kept my face deep in my pillow listening for another chime. Nothing. I switched my phone into silent mode and caught another hour of sleep before waking up again. This is a typical day in the life of a serial texter. I text a lot. I text because it's free (on my cell plan). I text because it's convenient. I text because it's a great way to have a conversation without actually having a conversation. But what happens when you actually WANT to speak to the other person with whom you are texting? How do you break the pattern? After months of texting, a phone call may prove to be awkward and break the momentum you built through texting! This has happened

A Love Story

Sometimes he looked at me the way I had always wanted to be looked at. His eyes would fill with a wonder as if I was a beautiful creature he never knew existed. I would often pretend I didn't notice, because I liked to be admired a bit longer. I knew he would break his gaze if I acknowledged it. So I sat and made my best effort to remain natural, refusing to ruin the moment with unnecessary interruption. Other times, I would intentionally turn toward him. I would return his gaze and admire every curve of his face. I would notice the perceived flaws and want to kiss them all. My lips would travel across the map of his face, landing on every location of interest. He would laugh, and distract my lips from their unplanned journey by planting his against my own- keeping them in the destination he chose. I was alway obedient to what he wanted. Knowing that he wanted me was enough and so I did as he directed and I enjoyed heeding his unsaid instructions. I knew when he didn't wa

The Real Thing *Relationships/Dating*

I love Marvin Gaye. I love how he croons along with Tammi Terrell about having the "Real Thing". If you have followed my blog over the years, you have seen me get separated, divorced, and hit the dating scene. Its been a long road. There was a time that I was dating just to get my feet wet. I just wanted to get into the habit of conversing and entertaining men in a way that I hadn't due to the confines of marriage. I just wanted to be single again. Eventually I came to want more. I wanted to have something...real. I am not a traditional woman. If I didn't have children I would likely never be married and I would be totally fine with living in a separate home from my significant other and connecting when we wanted to connect and maintaining space all other times. However, I have children...and my lifestyle preferences are not a priority. I am more interested in setting an example and foundation for my girls. So here I am, dating with a purpose. I have been on POF,