Skip to main content

One Day I Woke Up And Loved Myself

One Day I Woke Up And Loved Myself

Love is something that I knew how to give but had to learn to receive. Though my love language is words of affirmation, it was far easier to accept a "good job" than an "I love you". I realized that rejecting the possibility of being sincerely loved enabled me to prevent myself from becoming vulnerable. Why become vulnerable when you don't trust anyone to love you? 

This wayward method of suppressing my emotions went on for years and manifested into many dysfunctional relationships and self-sabotage. As time passed on I had to come to a point where I accepted myself without scrutiny. Yes, I have chicken legs, and yes my stomach has stretch marks that mar my abdomen with the war scars of motherhood. Yes, I have circles under my eyes that remind me of the broken promises of sleep I have made over the years. I'm divorced. My memory is about as good as the devil and for every pound I lose I seem to gain two back again. I never take my vitamin supplements and my patience has only thinned with age. All of these things that I used to mull over have now become no more than supporting facts to a an argument that I no longer need to prove : I'm wonderfully made. 

Although others may have believed it, I wasn't always sold. I would say that I was a wonderful person but it was more of a reminder of what I should feel but didn't truly believe. 
It wasn't until I was able to openly profess my flaws to myself and before others that I learned to love myself in spite of them. I learned that others' perception of me didn't validate me or justify my own perception of myself. My knowledge of who I am as a woman, mother, daughter, sister, and friend became the fact and finally I was enough. 

This discovery of self love was a journey but I can't tell you the steps that I took or the hours of work that I put in. All I can say is that I had a true desire to accept myself as is. Eventually, I believe my desire surpassed my insecurities and one day I woke up and fell in love with my own reflection. 

There are many things in life that we can control, and self-acceptance is one of them. Allowing others to sit in the judgment seat and decide our value, beauty, intellect and use is a disservice to our growth. We are Kings and Queens and have dominion over how we allow ourselves to be loved. That doesn't mean that we can force people to view us from a place of adoration, it means that we shouldn't care to will them into loving us because we willfully love ourselves just fine with or without their agreement. 

Be Blessed, 

Yomi


This blog was posted by Yomi on Yomi Heart Song Healing
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

K-Ci & Jo-Jo Come Clean.... : REVIEW

When I heard that K-Ci and Jo-Jo were coming out with a reality show documenting their experience going through rehab, I was excited. The first thing I wanted to know was which one was K-Ci and which one was Jo-Jo (yes, it has been that long since I have seen let alone heard of them since highschool). I always loved Jodeci and when the two lead singers of the group branched off and made a few ballads I looked forward to hearing more, but more never came. Years passed by and I continued to play their hits and came to terms with the fact that this group was never going to reunite and the two brothers whose vocals lead the group to super stardom with were coked up and out for the count. Enter K-Ci and Jo-Jo: Coming Clean. I figured they were going to finally boot the snow blizzard that packed their nostrils. WRONG. They are kicking the alcohol habit. They claim that there was never a drug problem. We all have heard otherwise, but they insist. If moscato can turn me into what these t...
9 comments
Read more

When History Repeats Itself...

My mom raised three kids on her own. My close friend Sandra's* mom raised two kids on her own. My friend Lana* is a product of a married household. Let me tell you some more facts: I am now a single mom raising two kids on my own. My sister is a single mother raising two kids. Sandra is a single mom raising three kids on her own. Lana is married, with two children and more often than not, a stay at home mom. Lets take a look closer: My husband has always told me that I was destined to be a single mother. It is his belief that I didn't put in the effort required to keep our marriage afloat because I was far too receptive to being a single mother since that was the type of household that I came from. This may be true. I have no idea what a working marriage looks like since I wasn't the product of one. One of my brothers who grew up with my rolling stone of a father informed me that many of the flaws my husband had were the same flaws our father had. I found this to...
8 comments
Read more

Admit It, You're Bitter!

For most, dating isn't easy (see " Dating Game (s) post). Can I be honest? I have no idea on where to begin! With each failed relationship, after sulking and licking your wounds one would hope that they have at least learned something from the experience. As much as we invest in these relationships, even after their demise we should hope to take something away from it. Whether that means that you no longer have tolerance for someone who doesn't make you happy, or finally realizing someone who only changes their underwear on special occasions may not be the right person for you... the bottom line is that you have standards. For me, standards were truly created and defined after navigating the terrain of turbulent relationships. Its not that I hadn't a clue of what I wanted in a partner, its just that a few go-rounds with the wrong person will let you know what you DON'T want in a partner. Negative experiences will often leave me far less receptive ...
8 comments
Read more