He assaulted
me at gunpoint. I never imagined his capacity for evil until that moment. At
the time I felt helpless and it frightened me. You never realize the capacity
of someone else's power until they reign over you. I was unable to make
choices, and I thought he was an ally and quickly realized that if I didn't
submit to his will he would assume the role of enemy with little warning.
That was about seven years ago.
It's interesting how it's said that seven is the divine number symbolizing
completion because it took me about seven years to forgive the person who took
my choice away that night.
It's difficult for me to share
this, not because I suppress it or haven't confronted it. It's difficult for me
to share this because I have children and I've not even shared this with them.
I plan to reveal this to them, but when it's relevant to their lives as young
women. They are still girls. I want to keep them safe, but I want to also equip
them with the knowledge of what people are capable of.
I forgave him, and it wasn't
easy.
One may ask why I would forgive
someone who violated me. I think the greater question is how do you forgive
someone who has committed a cruel violation against you? See, the reason why we
should forgive people is clear. You may not agree with me so allow me to
explain:
1. You're Hurting Yourself : This
is the number one reason why I believe that forgiveness is important. When you
hold on to that person's transgression against you, you are holding on to that
person, that memory, and that pain that comes along with it. People often do
this with dysfunctional love relationships as well. Holding on to those
memories, and that person, be it good or bad hinder you from moving forward in
your life. That person has now taken residence in your life and every
interaction you have is influenced by this one issue that you won't let go of.
You're too busy dwelling on the anger, pain, hurt, etc. to move on to the next
phase. Wearing those negative emotions (and if it's love for someone you ought
not to love anymore, that qualifies as negative as well) creates layers and
layers of baggage. You're clad in an ensemble of "stuff" that you
need to get rid of. How can you move freely when you are wearing all of that
pain?
2. The Culprit Isn't Thinking
About You: Usually, the person who caused you the pain isn't even
thinking about you. Truth hurts but I am here to deliver the truth as I see it.
You cannot wait on someone to be sorry to forgive them because the truth is
that they will likely never have the wisdom to be apologetic! Depending on the
crime committed, one can gauge if the one doing harm is sick or not. If someone
is sick, how in the world do you expect them to feel remorse for the harm they
cause other people? Be logical! Get out of your emotions. That person is likely
living life not thinking about you and you are either foolishly waiting for an
apology or even worse, nothing at all. You just want to be angry with them so
that in case you ever see them again, you can release years of anger on them.
The embarrassing part? They may not even remember what it is that happened.
Sick people aren't well enough to have the compassion to apologize or they
wouldn't have committed the assault to your emotions to begin with.
3. You Want Wisdom, Right? There is
a certain level of wisdom achieved when you utilize the power of forgiveness.
It's a great way to examine yourself to determine what part you may have played
in the situation. So I know what you may be asking, "did you play a part
in your assault?!" I did. My assault didn't have to happen. While the
person was wrong to assault me, I was wrong to interact with an extremely
dysfunctional person and I paid a hefty price for it. A person of that nature
would never be welcome in my life today however, I was a different woman at the
time. Again, I was not responsible for the assault but I played a role because
I should have exit stage left long before the incident occurred. Most times,
there is a role you played. Sometimes we are victims and sometimes we are volunteers.
Sometimes we allow people to abuse us emotionally, physically, or verbally for
extreme lengths of times and when we walk away we become angry with the abuser
forgetting that we chose to allow ourselves to be abused. You know in your
heart if this is your truth. Take the lesson from the situation, tie your
laces, and get moving on with your life. You learned your lesson. Class
is over.
When you put the above mentioned
points together and use them to your benefit, you will achieve a freedom you
never knew. You will allow ownership for that person's wrong-doing to belong to
them. You won't have to carry a memorial torch for the pain they caused you.
You will have a fresh outlook and won't have that person be the name no one
could mention, or the person you never want to see. You have every right to
live a full and happy life and someone else's sickness shouldn't become your
plague.
There is freedom in forgiveness,
and if you don't believe me, give it a try.
Be Blessed,
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