Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I was born in the 80's. So being an 80's baby I am a total lover of 90's music. Anything from the late 80's to the late 90's is my kind of music. Growing up, one of my favorite girl groups was Salt and Peppa. Their career spanned into the 90's and they came out with a song called "Whatta Man" (please don't ask me why they spelled it this way. It was the early 90's for Pete's sake... it was a world of bamboo earring and asymetrical hair do's). In this song the women are raving about the men that drive them wild. These men are honored for various reasons. In one verse, a man is praised for being a ho on the down low and being so engaging and silly that he makes his woman want to birth his children... this translates much better in lyric form. Another verse praises a man for a beautiful body and a face to go with it. He gives his woman gifts and is very intelligent.... getting warmer. The other two verses pretty much sum up a man that k...

If I had the money...If I had a job...If I had a degree...If I were married...If I was feeling well... If you would have told me...If I never met him...If I never met her... If you listened to me... I hate the word 'if". If is normally the prelude to an excuse. Nothing becomes of 'ifs'. Stop using the word. As a matter of fact, just drop the "f". Start using the word "I" instead. When you use the word I, you are now holding yourself accountable and hopefully making affirmations instead of excuses. I have the money, I have a job, I have a degree, I am married, I feel better, I told you, I met him, I met her, I listen to you.... Doesn't that sound better? A persons word is very important to me. When the only word I keep hearing is "if", all other words just don't seem as important anymore. So if you are a person that makes a ton of exscuses... when I shut you down and hurt your feelings... ask me IF I care.

Being a native New Yorker, I can appreciate a good Jamaican Beef Patty with soft sweet cocoa bread. In fact, I have spent the majority of my eleven years in Maryland searching for a Patty that was comparable to the ones I savored back home. [Enter Patty Boom Boom]. My life changed tonight. While walking down the U Street Corridor (Washington DC), I walked into a lounge that I have been to once before known as Patty Boom Boom. They play old and new skool Reggae music upstairs and serve drinks that make me feel like I am on an island letting my hips sway and jamming the night away (this feeling only intensifies after the first two drinks... beware: the drinks are sweet, but strong!). Since I was working my night shift and had no time for dancing, I stopped in for a beef patty. I had seen the pattys before, but never bothered to try one. BIG MISTAKE. I asked the cashier what to order and a goat and guava patty was recommended. GOAT AND GUAVA? Me being the dedicated foodie I am, I had t...

My mom raised three kids on her own. My close friend Sandra's* mom raised two kids on her own. My friend Lana* is a product of a married household. Let me tell you some more facts: I am now a single mom raising two kids on my own. My sister is a single mother raising two kids. Sandra is a single mom raising three kids on her own. Lana is married, with two children and more often than not, a stay at home mom. Lets take a look closer: My husband has always told me that I was destined to be a single mother. It is his belief that I didn't put in the effort required to keep our marriage afloat because I was far too receptive to being a single mother since that was the type of household that I came from. This may be true. I have no idea what a working marriage looks like since I wasn't the product of one. One of my brothers who grew up with my rolling stone of a father informed me that many of the flaws my husband had were the same flaws our father had. I found this to...

Today, I am fighting the urge to consume everything in my path. My eating habits are unhealthy a lot of the time, healthy some of the time, and emotionally driven all the time. If I am feeling good, I eat clean. I have salads, I have lean protein, I work out, I live the lifestyle of someone who wants to live past 70. When I am feeling bad... its another story. I eat DIRTY. I have cupcakes, gummy bears, sunflower seeds, Mr. Goodbars, Kit Kats, and pizza. I will order a medium pizza and devour it with buffalo wings and bleu cheese faster than you can say "don't do it". Some years ago, I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). I am not one of the folks who don't believe in psychiatric evaluation. I know first hand that depression is a very real and very dangerous thing that has inflicted me for many years but has become more prevalent with age. I believe this is because the older you get the more problems you have. Since I am in an age range where one is norm...

About five years ago I was as thin as I had ever been. I may have been either as thin as I was in HS. Its possible I was even smaller since I worked out five days a week and could bounce a quarter clear off my quads...(in my italian mobster voice: eh shad ahp and let me relish in my glory days, will ya?!). So, I was thin and I felt great. Then I looked so good that I ended up getting pregnant and was back to being overweight, and a card carrying member of the big girls club. Here I am four years later and I struggle with the same 15 pounds that I have left to lose. This is no fun at all. However, I will say that I am making leaps and bounds in other area's of my life. I am growing wiser each day and doing things that make me happy and doing without what doesn't. Recently I received news of something that is going to close a chapter of my life that at one point seemed endless. After some thought I realized that I will never be through with that part of my life for many years du...

It's easiest to move on when you realize the only thing that is holding you back was the very thing you are holding on to. Let go of the anchors in your life and set sail.

I was watching Discovery Channel... or maybe it was Animal Planet, either way it was one of those informative channels that ends up educating you without making you want to stab yourself in the neck with a dull pencil. They were documenting some eagles who were having a tough time getting a meal out of the turtles that were in their habitat. They couldn't figure out for the life of them (no pun intended) how to penetrate the turtles shells to get to the meat. After some time, the eagles began to actually pick up the turtles and fly very high into the air and actually drop the turtle in mid-air sending it crashing to the ground hence opening up its shell. Then, the eagle would devour the turtle. So, despite the shell that the turtle has to protect it from its predators, one predator eventually figured out a way to get around the defense. Whats the lesson in this? If you are a turtle, and you build a perfect little world that only exists inside of the comfort of your shell, it...