Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I want to inhale you in like a fiend packs  their nostrils with blow see the fact is  I am actively seeking to go  to wherever you say like a potter molds clay you shape me  anyway you want I want to caress you  like  nosferatu before he ingests your blood I want to flood  your mind like vermin through homes I hang in for the hope of us like kissers of the blarney stone I'm planning to be wherever you want me anytime you want I want you like yesterday like the day before a holiday like dusk must meet dawn like the King and his courtesan all the time, I want. 

He loves me. At least, thats what he said. He loves me more and more each and every day. But he was still seeing other women, and he was still caught up with his ex-girlfriend, and he was comfortable with our complicated relationship that held a clumsy banner over it labeled "friends". He said that he wanted to be friends and "who knows" what God had in store for us. He was open minded. I listened. I even agreed initially. But then he wanted to know why I didn't call him back, or why I seemed distant. He could sense even the slightest distance and yet he couldn't seem to figure out that his careless handling of my feelings were making an already complex relationship damned near incomprehensible. "I love you." "I love you more and more each day" "I miss you" " I want to cuddle with you" In the same breath it could be " I went on a date" or "I was with my ex" It all was so confusing, until I re...

I like to cuddle and caress feel a stubbled face against my breast sweet finger trails swerve against my curves with masculine finesse I like to inhale the scent my man while neatly pressed against his night stand running into each other like eager lovers free like windswept sand calloused fingers tips slip across my lips and are swept down my neck against my hips so well equipped for the drip of anticipation sensual libations offering up moans of praise with every sweet sensation until the day's no longer chasing the night away we wake up to say where did the time go? Nothing is better than sleeping together cuddling, caressing, anxiously undressing blessing and possessing don't stop and oh yessing with you.

You led me to believe You were all about us The lies I received Sown seeds of foolish trust You were sure to twist your words Into melodic tones heard Shame on  my foolish ears And when I told you I was entranced by your sound …You didn’t even care You were love’s pied piper The musical viper You blew smoke up my ass never even knew I was in a cypher Puff, puff pass Rotating your women fast When you get lonely Then someone’s your only Because the high didn’t last Go get your smoke on Your morally broke on I hope you choke on the same smoke That you encouraged me to toke on I hope that she gets a whiff of me The isolated memory Of a woman that was doing More than your heavy lidded eyes  had the sense to see I hope she sees the truth in you The backward little things you do I hope she gets a taste of what you ate When you licked love off of my dinner plate I hope she smells the hell that you’re going to bring ...

How does something wither and die? I try my best to reason the way I was once able to say that you were the one for me and now all I see is a future without you in it things between us were so clear and now that windows been tinted you're going far in that car but I can't see myself in it. you put the pedal to the metal and I'm not even settled into the decision of traveling this road with you all of this pent up passion in the fashion of crash and burn is not the way I learned how to love I'm above the back and forth the fickle way you hold this torch for me the way you love me selectively this teasing pace the way you taste and retreat taste and  retreat love on me, creep on me underestimate and sleep on me taste and retreat taste and retreat curl your lips into a smile all the while spewing promises you never planned to keep. taste and swallow, until our bodies were hallowed eaten alive by lies of promises of paved paths that ...

I wish you would have told me that you needed me to hide you you wore a shroud of love but hid from me the truth inside you its my friends and family I cry to because I just got lied to. There is nothing worse anger spewed in verse my very shirt I would have given you off my back and you lacked the energy to fight for me or take the time required to inspire yourself to make changes to take steps because you weren't ready yet and yet and still you told me and consoled me with lies and I tried to defend you when others saw the signs my mind and heart were devoted and coated with integrity to you to us and my faith and hope simply wasnt enough I guess I lust so much for the love of us that I forget about the love of you the things you wouldnt do or didnt know how and now I'm left in confusion because you got to abusing my love and had no clue because you are often caught up in how people are loving YOU but what about loving me enough to be mo...

I have decided to make it. I deserve it. I have decided to be kind to myself. I have decided to love myself unconditionally I have decided to be content. I have decided to find joy. I have decided to not be alive, but actually live. I have decided that God makes no mistakes. I have decided to seek peace in the midst of my anger. I have decided that I will go on, no matter what stands in my way, or what knocks me down. I may walk, crawl, or drag myself... but I will finish., I will make it. I will leave no stone unturned, no door unopened. I will find a way. I will finish, and I will make it.

20, and oh so green body lean senses not too keen or not keen enough to keep walking but I decided to give him my number, my time I chose to fall for those lines I was only 20 so is it a crime to be green? So then we dated a movie or two we'd do what young folks do and just hang. sometime later far less than a year my belly was growing with a baby in there and he cheated and succeeded in telling me that it was a one time thing and I would sing every sad love song because my heart was broken. I took the token apologies and tried at times I lied too and cheated but love defeated logic and like a fool I married and brought another child into this mess that I tested out at the expense of my children and with little remorse he stayed the course and I filed for divorce because being second and being wife is an ironic way to live your life and I walked away walking away from him led him to walk away from his kids the one I bore for him for us ...

I have to admit that with age, each man that I have met has been more impressive than the one before him. I have met a few good men within the past year or so and I would remiss if I didn't grab a pair of knee pads and thank God a few times. I wonder what about me changed that caused me to experience a change in the men that I met. I know that I have gotten older and the poor relationship that I was committed to began when I was much younger. In fact, I think that it taught me a lot about what I didnt want to endure in a relationship. So here I am today... single. One may ask why that is. A few sentences ago, I mentioned meeting a few good men. So why is it that I am not with any of them? Well, the answer is simple. Good doesn't necessarily mean good for me . The first step to dating with purpose (and I say this because many people date aimlessly and aren't looking for anything in particular) is to know what you want. You need to know what it is that you want from a man...

You took me up and loved me strong You made me feel like I could do no wrong Like I could never be ugly or there was nothing I can say that would make you take your love away You touched me tenderly You held me tight You loved me gently through the night Whenever I thought I couldnt You would tell me I can You claimed me and named me your woman and you were my first Good Man. From your first "I love you" To your loving kiss Your hugs Your smiles were the greatest gifts and while we wanted to take off our wings were to weak to lift the weight of our burdens that we had no place to shift Now and again I say "Only if..." But I know we can't grow so I must forget it. things weren't perfect but our time was treasured You taught me a lot I will love you forever. Thank you Good Man.