I have to admit that with age, each man that I have met has been more impressive than the one before him.
I have met a few good men within the past year or so and I would remiss if I didn't grab a pair of knee pads and thank God a few times.
I wonder what about me changed that caused me to experience a change in the men that I met. I know that I have gotten older and the poor relationship that I was committed to began when I was much younger. In fact, I think that it taught me a lot about what I didnt want to endure in a relationship.
So here I am today... single. One may ask why that is. A few sentences ago, I mentioned meeting a few good men. So why is it that I am not with any of them? Well, the answer is simple. Good doesn't necessarily mean good for me. The first step to dating with purpose (and I say this because many people date aimlessly and aren't looking for anything in particular) is to know what you want. You need to know what it is that you want from a man or woman. You need to know what your deal-breakers are, you need to know where you will compromise. If you don't know what you want, you won't be able to effectively decide if the person you are seeing is what you really want.
The second step to dating with purpose is to know yourself and commit to the truth. If you know that you are easily smothered, you might want to hold off on dating someone who professes to being a hopeless romantic wishing to be with the one they love every moment of the day. There is a term for someone who knows they cannot meet the expectations of another and still proceeds to establish a relationship anyway. Its called "Leading Them On." Know who you are and know your limits. Don't waste your time and don't waste theirs.
I believe my mother raised me to snag the first good man I found. She often gave me the impression that they are an anomaly. Good men don't come around often. She even went as far to tell me to let the man love me, I can love him later. While I understand moms sincere, good-natured advice I would have to disagree with some of it. I dont believe that good men are a minority. Honestly, I believe that there are many good men out there. I just believe that there aren't many men that are good for me. I'm willing however, to wait for that man. I'm also content being by myself if he doesn't happen to come along.
I look at people like finger prints. We are all different. We have similar patterns but all end up with a different impression. What may be good for you, may be totally unacceptable for me.
Would I like a visually appealing man, with a good job, love for God, great in the sack and loyal? Absolutely. However, I have preferences. I would strongly lean toward a man with children over a man that does not have children. I would rather a man that can understand parenting and be understanding of the demands of my life as a single mom. Another woman may balk at the notion of dating a man with children. She may see this as baggage however I would happily check his bags anytime. A man with children can really take off with a woman like me.
On the other hand, I have friends who have expectations that I believe to be unreasonable.
I once had a male friend ask me if at my place of work (an IVF clinic) if we are able to inseminate women with triplets. When I inquired why he would ask such a question he stated that the woman he was dating was a bit older and he wanted her to birth all three of his kids at one time.
ABSURD.
Thats when unreasonable comes into play and one must decide if the circumstances warrant a break up or a compromise. Thankfully I can say that my friend decided to set his ridiculous concerns aside and continue his relationship with this magnificent woman.
Recently, I had a break up with a wonderful man. I can say with conviction that I love him to this day. He has a heart of gold and there was never a time that I doubted his commitment to our relationship.
However, I will say that there were some issues that we experienced that I wasn't willing to endure and ill-equiped to overcome. I found myself drowning in the emotional demands of the relationship and after some time, ultimately spent. I was emotionally bankrupt. I had nothing left to invest.
So, that brings me here. Alone again but not lonely.
My faith in myself and God allow me to believe that I have not lost anything by passing up on that good man. In fact, I feel like I have everything to gain because I have learned more about me. I have learned more about what I want and I won't ever hold on to something or someone because I'm fearful of getting what feels right for me.
I will never feel guilty for receiving more and I will never be afraid to demand it either.
I have met a few good men within the past year or so and I would remiss if I didn't grab a pair of knee pads and thank God a few times.
I wonder what about me changed that caused me to experience a change in the men that I met. I know that I have gotten older and the poor relationship that I was committed to began when I was much younger. In fact, I think that it taught me a lot about what I didnt want to endure in a relationship.
So here I am today... single. One may ask why that is. A few sentences ago, I mentioned meeting a few good men. So why is it that I am not with any of them? Well, the answer is simple. Good doesn't necessarily mean good for me. The first step to dating with purpose (and I say this because many people date aimlessly and aren't looking for anything in particular) is to know what you want. You need to know what it is that you want from a man or woman. You need to know what your deal-breakers are, you need to know where you will compromise. If you don't know what you want, you won't be able to effectively decide if the person you are seeing is what you really want. The second step to dating with purpose is to know yourself and commit to the truth. If you know that you are easily smothered, you might want to hold off on dating someone who professes to being a hopeless romantic wishing to be with the one they love every moment of the day. There is a term for someone who knows they cannot meet the expectations of another and still proceeds to establish a relationship anyway. Its called "Leading Them On." Know who you are and know your limits. Don't waste your time and don't waste theirs.
I believe my mother raised me to snag the first good man I found. She often gave me the impression that they are an anomaly. Good men don't come around often. She even went as far to tell me to let the man love me, I can love him later. While I understand moms sincere, good-natured advice I would have to disagree with some of it. I dont believe that good men are a minority. Honestly, I believe that there are many good men out there. I just believe that there aren't many men that are good for me. I'm willing however, to wait for that man. I'm also content being by myself if he doesn't happen to come along.
I look at people like finger prints. We are all different. We have similar patterns but all end up with a different impression. What may be good for you, may be totally unacceptable for me.
Would I like a visually appealing man, with a good job, love for God, great in the sack and loyal? Absolutely. However, I have preferences. I would strongly lean toward a man with children over a man that does not have children. I would rather a man that can understand parenting and be understanding of the demands of my life as a single mom. Another woman may balk at the notion of dating a man with children. She may see this as baggage however I would happily check his bags anytime. A man with children can really take off with a woman like me.
On the other hand, I have friends who have expectations that I believe to be unreasonable.
I once had a male friend ask me if at my place of work (an IVF clinic) if we are able to inseminate women with triplets. When I inquired why he would ask such a question he stated that the woman he was dating was a bit older and he wanted her to birth all three of his kids at one time.
ABSURD.
Thats when unreasonable comes into play and one must decide if the circumstances warrant a break up or a compromise. Thankfully I can say that my friend decided to set his ridiculous concerns aside and continue his relationship with this magnificent woman.
Recently, I had a break up with a wonderful man. I can say with conviction that I love him to this day. He has a heart of gold and there was never a time that I doubted his commitment to our relationship.
However, I will say that there were some issues that we experienced that I wasn't willing to endure and ill-equiped to overcome. I found myself drowning in the emotional demands of the relationship and after some time, ultimately spent. I was emotionally bankrupt. I had nothing left to invest.
So, that brings me here. Alone again but not lonely.
My faith in myself and God allow me to believe that I have not lost anything by passing up on that good man. In fact, I feel like I have everything to gain because I have learned more about me. I have learned more about what I want and I won't ever hold on to something or someone because I'm fearful of getting what feels right for me.
I will never feel guilty for receiving more and I will never be afraid to demand it either.
Now that I too crossed the threshold of this unknown world of dating. I totally understand the misconception of dating. Dating is to find your mate not to play games. This isn't a demo for me however, it's a new experience that I'm excited and willing to take my time for once and go through it.
ReplyDeleteI think that dating is a vehicle to meet the one that makes you want to pause. Its the one that makes you want to slow down and experience life with them. Its the one that captures your undivided attention. I'm glad you are taking that step, I'm ecstatic that you are doing it with wisdom!
ReplyDelete