I decided last night that I wasn't going to eat anything. I came to work and had a cappuccino. That was just to cure the after effects of insomnia which is fatigue. After the caffeine crash, I moved on to a kale, peach, and mango smoothie. I was full until I took a tinkle. Now it's 1:27, my job has no filtered or bottled water and I have no idea how to curb my appetite. My stomach is churning with hunger and I don't want to eat anything. I want to be "clean" I feel like any food is a "hit". Anything can send me over the moon and crave something else. I should have caesar salad but then I will want a slice of garlic bread. The garlic bread will make me crave pasta... and this is how I fight a losing battle. The hunger though... it's there. I like feeling my stomach rumble. I like my body to know what this really feels like because truth is, I seldom ever feel it. I keep my stomach full like a rich man keeps his account lined with money.
Maybe I shouldn't be so extreme? Maybe do one meal a day? That gets tricky. I have to keep it healthy every time and that gets hard to do. What if I want wine or juice? Can I do that? God, I know what foods pair well together so anything I eat can lead me to another thing to eat and then I eat too damned much.
I don't want to sacrifice today only to have lost half a pound in a day.
These are my true thoughts. This is a true addiction.
This is day one where I planned not to eat at all and am slowly compromising to eat a salad but feeling nervous and excited about it at the same time. I wonder if any one else has to lend his much thought toward their food choices. Never mind, there are many of us. We are all just varied degrees of crazy.
I'm hoping to do a salad. Something 400 calories or less. That way I can stave off the pains until I get home this evening, chug some water and sleep the hunger away when it comes back. Then I will weight myself in the morning and hope that the scale doesn't send me toward a binge.
So much for all liquid. I'm such a failure.
Maybe I shouldn't be so extreme? Maybe do one meal a day? That gets tricky. I have to keep it healthy every time and that gets hard to do. What if I want wine or juice? Can I do that? God, I know what foods pair well together so anything I eat can lead me to another thing to eat and then I eat too damned much.
I don't want to sacrifice today only to have lost half a pound in a day.
These are my true thoughts. This is a true addiction.
This is day one where I planned not to eat at all and am slowly compromising to eat a salad but feeling nervous and excited about it at the same time. I wonder if any one else has to lend his much thought toward their food choices. Never mind, there are many of us. We are all just varied degrees of crazy.
I'm hoping to do a salad. Something 400 calories or less. That way I can stave off the pains until I get home this evening, chug some water and sleep the hunger away when it comes back. Then I will weight myself in the morning and hope that the scale doesn't send me toward a binge.
So much for all liquid. I'm such a failure.
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