Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

I could only imagine what it would be like to return that boyfriend of girlfriend that was a dud and exchange them for their much smarter, much sweeter and much more intelligent friend. Usually it just never ends up that way. You have already chose the dud and you cant go back and change anything because most times the friend won't betray their friendship with the dud by going out with you. I would love to go back in time and choose "The Other One." "The Other One" is that guy or girl that you were contemplating before you chose "The Mistake". I need not explain who "The Mistake" is. You may still be involved with "The Mistake". You may be rolling over in bed at night and staring at "The Mistake" with disgruntled loathing. Or maybe you are having sex with "The Mistake" and imaging it to be with "The Other One". Whatever the case may be, you need to figure out if it is worth the difficulty and displea...

When it comes to relationships and choosing the right person for you, you should never compromise. Get what you want the first time and every time after that.... The Bus Driver I remember meeting a guy on the bus after a messy break up with my baby's daddy. He was actually driving the bus and he wasn't my type but I was more interested in how he was going to treat me. We went to the movies for our first date because I didn't want to feel the pressure of having to speak with him. He was late in meeting me at the designated spot that we had agreed to, which was turn off number one. When I finally met up with him it was quite disappointing to see him standing up. He had on a triple extra large graphic t-shirt that reached just about three inches above his knees. His pot belly was protruding out of his shirt as if he were five months pregnant. His jeans weren't quite tight, but they weren't baggy either. He wore the same boots that were a part of his uniform to d...

This is a true story of a teenage dating experience that I documented several years ago. I have several, and this will be the first of many. If you have ever had an awful date, I am sure you will appreciate my sad encounter with a fool named Briante. I was sixteen and working at the family catering company. We were setting up for a function and this guy decided that he wanted to get to know me. I sized him up and he looked like a herb. He had orange timberland boots and orange contact lenses (you read that correctly) and an orange t-shirt with dark blue jeans. I thought the contacts were way over the top, but I wasn't going to break on dude just because he was a walking carrot. So we exchanged numbers, and made arrangements to talk soon after. His name was Briante. When he called me, I say "Hey Briante" and he corrects me and tells me his name is pronounced Bri-ahn-tay. This was the second sign that this guy was going nowhere fast. He was older than me so I thought he mig...

There are plenty of songs out there for the secret admirer who croons longingly how much they would go out of the way to please that special someone. Most times the lyrics are pretty juicy and you walk away pitying the person who has not one clue as to how much good would come to them if they discovered the person admiring them and gave them an opportunity to fulfill all of their promises. Last weekend I was listening to the song "If" by Janet Jackson with my sister and we were cackling over the lyrics. Here the gorgeous Janet Jackson is singing about all of the naughty things she would do to this man who has no idea at all. After listening to that song, I thought of Prince, how years earlier made his own song for the secret admirer called "If I Was Your Girlfriend". Later in the week, my soon to be ex husband came over to see our kids and when it came time to leave, his girlfriend picked him up. This was news to me. I had no clue that he had a girlfriend seeing tha...

Here is an old rant from another blog I had about 5 years ago: Whats In a Hymen? I read in the paper last week, that some women are seeking to have their hymens repaired so that their husbands to be would believe that they are virgins. okay, maybe in a culture where women expected to be virgins and if they arent they are stoned to death, or forced into brothels or something...but AMERICA? Then again, what the heck is so great about America? The bottom line is, we as women are so compelled to satisfy men that we are willing to surgically reinvent hymens. Absurd is putting it mildly. Outrageous is more I like it. So, where are all these men who are breaking hymens and running off to marry preserved virgins with hymens in tact, and ready to be broken? Regardless of where you are from, its the same mentality. Americans are no different and no less oppressed when most American women either: a) broke their hymen in a drunken stupor b) broke their hymen with a guy who's last name isnt ev...

Some of you may know that I quit my job to go back to school and pursue my dream goals of writing and launching my natural hair styling business. I have been greeted with a varied response toward my decision, however I just refuse to allow any of them to deter me from pressing on and pushing forward, regardless of how grueling it may become. I wanted to share with you the site that I am still working on but have no choice but to post if I want to start generating some business: Kinks Natural Hair Styling (there it is, my shameless PR attempt). While it (much like myself) is a work in progress, I am very proud of my efforts. So please do pass the word along if you know of any one who is interested in getting a snazzy do at an affordable price. Now, in reference to R. Kelly...his debut single after going solo was a song called Bump and Grind. He starts off belting loudly that he doesn't see anything wrong with a little bump and grind. Although he was singing about nookie, he wailed ...

I have plenty of people that I am friendly with, but seldom do I claim people as friends. It took me many years to come this conclusion. I would become friends with someone only to find out that our interaction didn't quite qualify as friendship. Now that I have learned how to make friends, I am so very happy that I have been fortunate to have the friends that I do. However, there are the few that proclaim to be your friend and aren't truly your friend at all. So I wanted to create a list of the types of "friends" you may run into because I have that much time on my hands today. 1) The Too Cool For School Friend: This friend calls you when the mood strikes, hangs out with you if the two of you happen to be within a 2 mile radius of each other at the same time and seldom ever knows whats going on in your life. However, they will always refer to you as a friend in company and in private. You often wonder why you go along with this description of a clearly casual a...

When one of my closest girlfriends asked me if I wanted to rent Tyler Perry's 'Why Did I Get Married, Too' and watch it with her, I was totally agreeable to the idea. After all, I have enjoyed many Tyler Perry movies and I thought that WDIGMT would be no different. I do admit that I had grown tired of the Madea series however, I still found his other movies (A Family That Prays, Why Did I Get Married) thought provoking and inspiring so I was more than willing to take a gander. So, I tucked the kiddies into bed and sat back on my couch with a blanket and pressed the order button on my remote control. Seconds later, I as watching WDIGMT. The movie starts off with comedic tone, but quickly becomes overbearing and unrealistic. I shift a bit under my blanket, holding out hope for more substance. Eventually all of the couples from the previous movie reunite and begin their tradition of enjoying a weekend with their spouses and friends to reflect on the titles question; "...

This blog is rated R, but if my writing abilites are up to par I may be able to change that to PG 13. I doubt it. Let's stick with the former and not the latter. I want to talk taboo, I want to get a little crude with just enough discretion to keep you reading... I want to talk about Lewinsky's. Its a sad thing when your name becomes synonymous with a sexual act (or perhaps an accomplishment depending on how you look at it). However, most of us will not remember former white house intern Monica Lewinsky for much else but pulling off risque Lewinsky behavior underneath President Clintons desk. So, back to Lewinsky's... When I was a teenager, I remember vowing to my best friend that once I lost my virginity I would do just about anything but allow "that thing" in my mouth. She felt the same. Years later however, I felt compelled to at least give it a few trys and these days, she is a self-proclaimed guru (go figure). Another friend of mine has pretty much kept her ...

I am going through a period of changes. It seems like everything is changing in my life all at once. I am going back to school, leaving a position that I held for two years, initiating a divorce and learning new life lessons all along the way. Recently I came in contact with an old nemesis...temptation. I met temptation at a young age. At first I didn't know the consequences of dealing with temptation. One early memory was when I was about seven years old. My mother left seven dollars for my siblings and me and told us to order a pizza. I was hungry, I mean really hungry and so I wanted pizza like yesterday. When the pizza came, it was steaming hot and my sister told me to wait for my pizza to cool off because the cheese was piping hot. I sat, staring at the pizza and watching the heat rise from the melted mozzarella cheese... hmmmmmm...mozzarella... pizza...food...and the next thing I knew, I picked up the floppy slice and shoveled it carelessly into my mouth. Almost immediately, ...

I have been through a lot. When it comes to relationships I was chewed up, spit out, spit on and chewed up again just for good measure. While all of these experiences should have broken my spirit, in many ways I feel stronger than ever. My heart is still on reserve for the right man (definition to be explained upon his arrival) but I am still finding the will and strength to be open-minded when it comes to men. Funny enough however, I have found that the less I pay attention to men the more they pay attention to me... I have to repeat that sentence for emphasis: The less I pay attention to men, the more thy pay attention to me. I don't know why that is and truthfully I don't care. The bottom line is that I am so focused on my life, and what I feel I need to accomplish within it that the relationship I thought I longed for is no longer a priority. It's an option I am receptive to. So this post is for the ladies...don't go chasing every guy who seems like the complete opp...