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To Pee or Not to Pee.... Any Suggestions? *A Rant For My Fellow Squatters*



To Pee or Not To Pee: Any Suggestions? * A Rant For My Fellow Squatters*
Photo by Gabor Monori on Unsplash

The older I get the weaker my bladder becomes. I find myself having the urge to go the restroom frequently but I refuse to "waste time" on urination. I often put off taking a tinkle to finish a phone conversation, send that last email or sadly, just to watch a show until the next commercial. I have no idea why I do this (especially when I have a DVR).

I realize that this habit will only lead to my undoing once I become older. I do not want to wear a pamper as an elderly woman. This does not go with my "silver fox" vision. However, I have been told that my "Camel Like" habits of storing my.... ummm ... liquid will ruin me in my old age.

I have an issue with using public restrooms. I have zero interest in even making the effort to find one when nature calls and I am outdoors. Public restrooms are known to be dirty, disgusting and dingy. I always have to squat just to relieve myself and God forbid, I experience one of the female public bathroom woes. Not familiar? Let me school you:

splash back. Splash back is when the force of the... "stuff" hits the water with such force that it sends toilet water splashing upward onto your bum. It's a gross feeling that you just can't wipe away.

aimless Annie. If you are an aimless Annie then you already know what the issue is. Its pee running down your leg, its pee splattering on the toilet seat, its pee hitting the floor. You can pause your flow and continue and no matter what you do, that pee is going just about everywhere...except the toilet.

Ballsy Becky Bare bottom to the public toilet, no prep, no thought, no remorse.

Private "P" you can't urinate under pressure. If someone else isn't peeing in the stall next to you, you have to wait for them to pee so you can pee simultaneously. This is nothing more than some silly issue you have because you hate the lack of privacy that you have urinating in public restrooms. So like a detective you listen closely and fire a spray so long as you don't have an audience.

I'm not sure how I am going to solve this problem but until then just call me Splash.

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