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Break Ups and Make Ups: Knowing When To Sever Ties For Good



I had a tumultuous 9 year relationship. We were on again and off again but we were on more times than we were off. Each time we parted ways, it was always for the same reasons. Finally I legally severed my ties with that person and I was able to move on with my life.
Eventually I met another man and he was a good man with a lot of heartache. Looking back, I can admit that I had some heartache of my own. He and I also created a cycle of breaking up and making up as well. However, his offenses were far less major than those of my ex husband. Hardened however by the issues of the past, I didn't give the new guy much of a chance before I ran for my life and ended things.
When breaking up, you should always have a definitive reason for your departure from the relationship. If you know why you are leaving you can state the issues factually and acknowledge that without change, you couldn't continue within the relationship. If you make up, the decision should be logical. Don't make up with someone because you miss them. Make up with them because the issues that ended the relationship are no longer present. As ironic as it seems, emotion has no place in your decision to reconcile a relationship.
A friend once told me that should you break up with someone more than once, it better not be for the same reason. I appreciated that advice. If you have a cycle of breaking up over every issue, that's one thing, but habitually breaking up over the same issue is grounds for permanent dismissal. An issue that spans the entire relationship is likely one that will never go away.
In my 9 year relationship the central issue was cheating. There were other issues, but cheating was the one that would truly drive me to end the relationship. The cheating began in the early years of the relationship and found its way within the marriage. Years later, I have to admit that it was foolish of me to expect the issue to resolve when it never had and presented itself early on. Comparatively, in the other relationship it was always a new issue that drove us apart. If I had to summarize the root of the issue it was that we  were both healing from the wounds of infidelity in our previous marriage. Two broken people usually can't heal each other. The issues weren't offenses that warranted permanent dismissal.
If you are in a relationship and find yourself going back and forth ex to significant other, it's in your best interest to pinpoint the issue that is troubling the relationship, determine if it's a deal breaker, and then decide whether it's worth leaving for. If you keep breaking up over the same issue time and time again, it's likely time to sever the ties for good. Some things never change and if you decide to deal with it, realize it will be for the long haul.
Good Luck! 
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