Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

A girl crush is just something women who are afraid to be bi-sexual say. It's the easy way to be attracted to a woman without owning it. Bi-curious is just a term used to dismiss sexual acts with a woman as some sort of overwhelming curiosity that you had to satisfy with action. Where is your accountability? Quit using insulting labels that fool no one but your sub-conscious into a state of comfort. the end. 

I remember the days that I would meet a man and take a roll in the hay with him because I liked him, or I was aroused at the time, or we were in a relationship and I felt obligated. For whatever reason, I found myself in the arms of a man that years and sometimes months later I hardly remember they were ever in my life to begin with. No, I wasn't a good slore (well you would have to sleep with several people without reservation or thought to be a good one). I was just free sexually and wasn't hung up on rules on when to sleep with someone that I liked or was attracted to. I already feel like I have said too much however its a good thing to know yourself. I am not a good slore. Perhaps, a bad one who had aspirations but never realized them, but I digress... All of these men that I gave myself to only provided me with pleasure that was fleeting. After all, every man is Mister Right until he becomes wrong. You like everyone until you don't anymore. However, the span of time ...

I didn’t feel like getting up that Sunday and I didn’t plan on getting up the Sunday after that. Instead, I pulled my duvet over my knees and sat up in my bed straining my ears to hear every word that she said. “She hasn’t moved an inch, that is what I am trying to tell you.” She snapped. I always knew when she was losing patience. She became short, and all of her responses came out fast and sharp, like each word were a hard pellet. They all stung. “Eddie, I don’t need to hear your suggestions. I need to know if you are going to come over here and talk to your mother or did you forget you had one?” She started yelling right then. The two of them must have got to fussing again. I sat perfectly still, as if the slightest movement would affect my ability to hear her shouting. “To hell with you Eddie, I don’t have time to deal with your ignorant ass today!” The sound of the phone slamming against the receiver made me wonder if the girl done broke my phone. I settled back into bed...

match.com, eHarmony, Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Plenty Of Fish...these are the sites that I have tried in search of a man that I can see myself in a committed relationship with. You know the story, I'm a single mom, divorced, two kids, trying to copy Stella and get my groove back. I work full time, weekends are typically spent at church, cleaning and doing activities with my kids. I don't have much time for me. I don't have time for happy hours, I am skating home to meet my kids. I don't have much savings and what I do have doesn't allow me to justify the expense of a sitter. So I work, I come home, I cook, I help with homework, sign permission slips, pay for field trips, hustle kids to bed and when they are finally in bed... I surf the dating sites. Initially it was fun. I was in communication with men from all over from Massachusetts to Maryland. I got to chat, message, email and even text some of them. I knew that I would have NEVER met any of these...

"you're so simple" she marveled. "so...visual.I can grind against you with my bosom in your face and you'd forget Im not who you really want." He said nothing. Instead he continued to breathe heavily, allowing moans to escape from his lips every now and then. "I'm so different." she said as she rocked harder. "you'd have to be a different man for me to ever want you. I'm on top of you, but Im not even here." She rolled her hips hard against him and coaxed his climax. She rose up and began to dress. Her bra was on the floor, her shirt was on the bed, her shoes were at the front.door. Her mind and heart were further away, perhaps with someone else ut never present with the one she was "with".

"Do you hate me?" he asked. He was sitting next to me on the love seat. I had never wished more for a bigger couch. "I love you." He whined. I hated it when he did that. I leaned further away from him and took a look at him. He wasn't that attractive. His nostrils flared too much. My friends and I long ago named him Raging Bull and I was beginning to wonder how he ever appeared attractive to me. "You loathe me for it." I sighed. "No, I love you and I hate hurting you." He whined. "Then why hurt me?" I said casually. Fact is, I was tired. I was tired of him following me all over the house as I brushed my teeth, as I wiped my ass, as I drifted about my 760sqft apartment just trying to...be.  If I left, he would only invade my tranquility with texts and phone calls. He touched my leg and I tensed. I didn't like his touch anymore. It was worse than a strangers. It was a touch I knew all to well but didn't want at all. ...

Yesterday was a snow day. Surprisingly, I wasn't tempted to eat anything. I learned however that eating has become a habit or accessory with so many other past times. So when I was watching tv, I felt like something was missing... maybe some popcorn? When I chatting on the phone, I swore I should have had a banana. Its interesting to think how often we eat just because. It also humbled me to think that there are people in other countries as well as my own who eat when they can and here I am taking it for granted that I graze all day out of habit. When you think of the amount of gluttony that has plagued much of our country, it makes the very subject of food just seem...well obscene. For breakfast, I am sipping on spinach, grapefruit, blackberries, strawberries and a few carrots. If you haven't realized, I toss carrots in about everything. There is no real reason for it other than they are inexpensive so I purchase them in large quantities and bulk up any juice I make with ...

yesterday was tough. I was surprised because I foolishly believed that since I had been at this for four consecutive days, my will power wouldn't diminish....only increase. This was not the case! I forgot how much I enjoyed my own cooking. So when I did a bbq chicken in my rotisserie oven with balsamic glazed asparagus ans vegetable fried rice...I almost lost it. Once i looked at my meal and realized it wasnt even.remotely cohesive...(half italian influence, asian and american) i came to the conclusion that those foods must have been what i was craving. So dishing the food out for the girls and hearing how yummy it was was no easy feat. I shoved a spear of asparagus into my mouth chewed and savored and then spit it out. I think I wanted to chew. Lol Im learning that this fast is teaching me discipline like i have never learned before. I think i can understand why obese people cant put down a burger or an addict cant reject a cigarette or a hit of whatever their vice is. so here...

I concluded Day 3 with my sunflower seed, banana, cinnamon, water and almond milk smoothie. It was absolutely delicious and has now become a favorite for me. According to some information I found on the web, these are the benefits of sunflower seeds: They  control cell damage, thus playing a role in preventing cancer. This is because sunflower seeds are a good source of selenium , which is a proven enemy of cancer. They contain bone-healthy minerals. Besides calcium, your bones need magnesium and copper to stay strong. Sunflower seeds have both these minerals. As a bonus, they also contain Vitamin E, which helps ease arthritic pain. They keep you calm. Yes! The magnesium in sunflower seeds is reputed for soothing the nerves, thus easing away stress, migraines and helping you relax. They bring a glow to your skin. The star in this role: Vitamin E again, which combats UV rays and keeps skin youthful. They ease every co...

I love Marvin Gaye. I love how he croons along with Tammi Terrell about having the "Real Thing". If you have followed my blog over the years, you have seen me get separated, divorced, and hit the dating scene. Its been a long road. There was a time that I was dating just to get my feet wet. I just wanted to get into the habit of conversing and entertaining men in a way that I hadn't due to the confines of marriage. I just wanted to be single again. Eventually I came to want more. I wanted to have something...real. I am not a traditional woman. If I didn't have children I would likely never be married and I would be totally fine with living in a separate home from my significant other and connecting when we wanted to connect and maintaining space all other times. However, I have children...and my lifestyle preferences are not a priority. I am more interested in setting an example and foundation for my girls. So here I am, dating with a purpose. I have been on POF,...

I tried When i say i tried i mean i really did I tried before and after then When i tried while you lied and then when I'd leave You'd call me a quitter I tried while i cried And you doled out your attention to the highest bidders And I kept trying and you kept denying that there was an issue I tried to hide the pain When hurt so much just to stay with you With all that i was and all that i am I tried to abide  By your stupid program And you never acknowledged nor tried to fix the glitches You kept coming home late from F##### other b#tches You tried to keep it.in the dark But i turned on all the light switches  i rubbed you the right way And you'd stay and still never grant my wishes You ripped out my heart And left this poor soul to sew the stitches It hurt knowing you were using my money at the bar It hurt seeing her lip gloss under the seat of my car You said you were my man Is that who you think you are? no balm you tried to slather on was ...

Well I started this on Sunday and today is Tuesday. Time doesn't allow for me to post daily so I am sorry that I have already failed you with Sundays conclusion and Monday's post. So far, I am not tempted to eat food for the most part. I drink plenty of water (about 94 ounces per day minimum...usually about 128oz.) and I drink 4 juices or smoothies per day depending on the ingredients and my level of hunger. For example, when I am doing a vegetable juice, I use my juicer (Jack LaLane). So I will pack in the Kale and cucumber and carrots etc and toss in an apple and some lemon for flavor. When I juice veggies its predominantly veggie. I only add a half of lemon ( I find the taste overbearing) to cut the bitterness of the veggies. I add an apple to sweeten up the lemon. When I am juicing berries or sometimes oranges, tomatoes or avocado I put it in my Magic Bullet blender. I like that its enough to make one portion so I don't have to worry about storage and I like my j...

1 beet 1roma tomato 2celery stalks 3 carrots 1 jalapeno 1 teaspoon of chia seeds (after all else is juiced) The hope: to increase my iron levels with the beets, jump start the removal of excess mucous and maybe increase my metabolism with the jalapeno. It was actually better than breakfast!

So much has happened within the past year...life has undeniably proven to be a learning experience. If this post looks a little wonky, its because im typing ng from my mobile device and i can already tell the alignment is off. Today I started a juice fast that just seemed right on time for my 33rd birthday. This morning: 3 kale leaves 1/2 giant cucumber 2 gala apples ginger 1/2 lemon 3 celery stalks I tossed in a teaspoon of Chia sees when it was done. Is it delicious? Nope. But when things taste less than awesome, you can be pretty sure they are healthy!! Keep you posted!