Thinking Kinky : The Nappy Haired Diva

We always talk about losing pounds but I think that sometimes losing people (deliberately) is a better idea. I know that I usually type my thoughts but this time around, I put them on video. So if you ever wanted to see who this woman is yapping through poetry and blog writing... here I am. Enjoy!

  He assaulted me at gunpoint. I never imagined his capacity for evil until that moment. At the time I felt helpless and it frightened me. You never realize the capacity of someone else's power until they reign over you. I was unable to make choices, and I thought he was an ally and quickly realized that if I didn't submit to his will he would assume the role of enemy with little warning.  That was about seven years ago. It's interesting how it's said that seven is the divine number symbolizing completion because it took me about seven years to forgive the person who took my choice away that night.  It's difficult for me to share this, not because I suppress it or haven't confronted it. It's difficult for me to share this because I have children and I've not even shared this with them. I plan to reveal this to them, but when it's relevant to their lives as young women. They are still girls. I want to keep them safe, but I want to also equip...

The one question I have heard and become fatigued of answering is whether or not I am qualified to be a Life Coach if I haven't quite sorted out my own life.  Although my response to that question is addressed in the above video, I wanted to touch on a few things that I wasn't able to cover in depth within the six minute time frame I gave myself to make the video.  I don't facilitate prejudice. Yes, I said it. I don't entertain prejudice on any level. There is a reason why I maintain the appearance that I do. I don't dress this way just because it's my sense of style. I also dress this way to prove what I am capable of in spite of it. Being a woman, being Black, appearing "punk" have nothing to do with my heart. They speak to my my spirit but they don't define it. When I am on the phone counseling a friend for hours, that is what identifies me. When I am in an elderly woman's apartment helping her after she had f...

One Day I Woke Up And Loved Myself Love is something that I knew how to give but had to learn to receive. Though my love language is words of affirmation, it was far easier to accept a "good job" than an "I love you". I realized that rejecting the possibility of being sincerely loved enabled me to prevent myself from becoming vulnerable. Why become vulnerable when you don't trust anyone to love you?  This wayward method of suppressing my emotions went on for years and manifested into many dysfunctional relationships and self-sabotage. As time passed on I had to come to a point where I accepted myself without scrutiny. Yes, I have chicken legs, and yes my stomach has stretch marks that mar my abdomen with the war scars of motherhood. Yes, I have circles under my eyes that remind me of the broken promises of sleep I have made over the years. I'm divorced. My memory is about as good as the devil and for every pound I lose I seem to gain two back again...

Take A Bow: Kneeling NFL Players Winning The Race For Equality  Photo by  William Stitt  on  Unsplash It's impossible to ignore the tension within the United States. It has attacked us like a cancer, invading our schools, streets, and family past times. There's nary an article that you can read without it mentioning the ever-controversial Commander-in-Chief, and it is even harder to escape the plethora of opinions both solicited and unsolicited that come with his Presidency. One of the areas where political opinion was typically excluded was in sports. Many Americans escape the trails of daily life by going to their favorite bar, or house room to partake in the all American NFL game(s). We anticipate the season, track college players into pro, participate in betting pools and dabble or delve deeply into Fantasy Football Leagues. Now, that too has been littered with tension due to a myriad of factors from players taking a knee during the National Anthem to o...

Photo by  Nicklas Bajema  on  Unsplash I love fashion. Shoes, handbags, skirts, dresses, and everything is pretty much my favorite. Because I have to wear clothing that compliments my body type, I often find myself wearing the same style of clothing in different colors. However, I've found that there are some things that every woman should invest in having in her closet. There is no reason why a woman can't look stunning no matter what she puts on. So satisfy your passion for fashion by purchasing a few different looks that stand the test of time. The Shift Dress . I think that everyone should have one. No matter what your shape, they tend to fall just the right way so long as they are purchased in the proper size. I really like this one. The embroidered detail adds a nice pop to an otherwise simple design. You can find it although shift dresses are sold just about everywhere from Macy*s to TJ Maxx. Look around and find one that suits your taste Try this...

I was lying in bed when I heard the familiar chime of an incoming text. Opening one eye, I opened the message to see two letters: GM. Still, in the stupor that slumber often puts you in, I scanned my brain to register the meaning...ah yes...Good Morning. I clumsily keyed in "Hey" and hit the send button. I kept my face deep in my pillow listening for another chime. Nothing. I switched my phone into silent mode and caught another hour of sleep before waking up again. This is a typical day in the life of a serial texter. I text a lot. I text because it's free (on my cell plan). I text because it's convenient. I text because it's a great way to have a conversation without actually having a conversation. But what happens when you actually WANT to speak to the other person with whom you are texting? How do you break the pattern? After months of texting, a phone call may prove to be awkward and break the momentum you built through texting! This has happened...

A New Leason on Love? : Love Lessons  Photo by  Matt Artz  on  Unsplash There was this man I met years ago, and when I met him I wasn't even into him. I thought that he was a nice guy but there was no spark. We just hung out and chat and while it was a nice time, it wasn't phenomenal. It's funny that as the years go by, we change or at least one would hope that we do and the same person who didn't leave a strong impression can now make a lasting impression on your heart. So one day, a few years ago I told him that I loved him. I told him that I wanted us to just be together. I told him everything that I only thought in my mind. I exposed myself in a way I seldom do and his response was silence. He was too fearful to say he didn't feel the same, or he didn't want that from me, or anything. He just closed himself to me. While I didn't need the reciprocated feelings, the lack of acknowledgment was what hurt. I forgave him. However, I utilize wi...

To Pee or Not To Pee: Any Suggestions? * A Rant For My Fellow Squatters* Photo by  Gabor Monori  on  Unsplash The older I get the weaker my bladder becomes. I find myself having the urge to go the restroom frequently but I refuse to "waste time" on urination. I often put off taking a tinkle to finish a phone conversation, send that last email or sadly, just to watch a show until the next commercial. I have no idea why I do this (especially when I have a DVR). I realize that this habit will only lead to my undoing once I become older. I do not want to wear a pamper as an elderly woman. This does not go with my "silver fox" vision. However, I have been told that my "Camel Like" habits of storing my.... ummm ... liquid will ruin me in my old age. I have an issue with using public restrooms. I have zero interest in even making the effort to find one when nature calls and I am outdoors. Public restrooms are known to be dirty, disgusting and dingy. I...

Virginity: 3 Reasons Why You Should Wait Until Marriage Oh yeah, I'm taking it there. I have two daughters. One is a teen and now has a new interest in the opposite sex. I have explained to her that dating will not commence before her sixteenth birthday. Even then, I plan to be involved in her dating life. That means that if I don't know that boys parents, he can't come over. It also means that I am slapping a promise ring on my daughters finger and giving her the talk. No, not about sex. Too late for that. We covered that last year. We are going to talk about putting a vice on her virginity. In the spirit of full disclosure, I will share with you the three reasons I've come up with as to why a person should keep their virginity until they jump the broom. Want to read it? Here it goes: You have zero perspective. Virgins don't know what sex is supposed to be other than what they see on television and in the movies which is always glamorized. I mean, who reall...

30 Days of Natural Hair: Loving Myself As-is (Week 2)  Recently, in utter frustration with my hair I decided to go completely natural. That meant that I wasn't going to do any more protective styles and just wear my hair as-is. One would think this is a simple task but for me, it wasn't. I have been so used to manipulating my natural hair that leaving it be was something that to be quite honest made me feel nervous. As a woman who has been wearing her natural (intermittently) since 2001 when few women were, I have mastered many of the techniques employed within the natural hair community. Twist outs, coils, flat ironing, braids, you name it, I have done it or had it professionally done. The difference in what I  have been doing versus what I've adopted as of late is that I don't do anything with my hair other than comb it, put moisturizer in it and leave for work. Sometimes I blow it out a bit just so it's easier to comb. I just concluded my first week of...

Who doesn't love game season? Every season is game season for one sport or another but about this time we can get our fill of football and baseball at the same time. If you are into it, you're in heaven right now. If you aren't, you are a lonely person...a lonely sick person. With the recent win of the Cubs, fans are losing their ever loving minds. Word is that street parking was $100 to watch the game. I don't know how that happens but... it happened. But for the first home playoff game in about 7 years, I can't say that I don't understand the enthusiasm. If you want to share your team pride   you can find cool tees like this Chicago vs. History  tee. More of a football fan? Then go for a steelers jersey. I'm a devout Giants  fan so I'd have to go with something that represents my team. Either way, this the season to represent your favorite team so grab your jerseys and tees, old and new and get into the spirit of game season!

The Dating Games When I was a kid, I was hooked on re-runs of The Dating Game. I loved watching all of the snazzy guys and gals in their polyester get-ups answering question after question in hopes of sashaying over to the other side of the wall divider to Mr. or Ms. Right. I particularly enjoyed when the geeky guy or gal managed to schmooze their way off their stool and past the wall divider much to the dismay of the hot hopeful date on the other side. Now, as a recently separated woman I have come to realize that the Dating Game is still running, only not on television but in my own life. The wall divider has been replaced by wisdom and intuition, and I still have several bachelors trying to get past that wall and into my heart (or pants... whichever comes first). Although I can see these men, I really can not see them for who they truly are which makes it hard for me to choose who gets to get past this wall that I have up. The funny thing about dating is all of the rules ...

The Big FC: Female Condom Review My first, and last encounter with the Big FC was when my husband and I were still living together, very much in love and quite open to trying new things. Judging by my situation now (separated, warding off love with a garlic necklace, and stuck in my ways), one could infer it was quite some time ago. I decided that I wanted to use the FC because I found it to be liberating that a woman can finally have her own special "designed for her" condom. I likened it to doing a romantic dinner with a man and saying "your house or mine"? I wanted to tell my husband "No dear, put that away! We're using mine today." WRONG! In order to spare you the details and break every TMI rule out there, I will just tell you women (and men) that the BIG FC (pun intended) is a GINORMOUS waste of time polyurathane sheath that masquerades as female contraceptive device. At first glance, the Female Condom is best described as... intimidat...

Hello Earthlings: A Quiet Rant  I'm an alien. Okay, before you decide that I am off my rocker allow me to explain. Most people that I interact with I just don't understand. I have reached a point where I don't understand most things. I don't understand why complete strangers feel obligated to be "polite" and ask me how I am doing when they truly don't care. Or how about why banks allow you to spend money that you don't have only to penalize you later for it with an overdraft fee, then tell you that you don't need to balance your checking account because their website is in real time when it really isn't. What about men who want to get inside of you but somehow manage to exclude your heart and mind from that equation? I don't understand that. I really don't understand fathers who make babies but don't raise them. Was that just the highlight of your year to create a human being and then totally disregard the involvement that com...

The Richest Soil: A Lesson On Strength  When I turned twenty-one, my life got very serious very quickly. My first daughter was born and I was nursing and craving the chance to flash my ID in a liquor store and actually get alcohol legally for a change (or lets pretend I wanted to taste it for the first time...whatever floats your boat. I'm not adverse to placating a few sticklers). However, the point here is that I was twenty-one and a single mom. This was indeed a predicament I orchestrated, tailored and then stepped into. I will never say that I have no idea how it happened, it was quite the contrary. Being a single mom wasn't easy at all. My boyfriend revealed himself to be a cheating boyfriend (much later, a cheating husband- got to love a man who is consistent). He went off to serve in the US Airforce while I tried my best to figure out what motherhood was all about. During that time, I struggled. I tried to do everything right and it always seemed to turn out wro...

Saturday Night Live Blasts Trump With Humorous Politics   It looks like Saturday Night Live has successfully parodied the blatant bigotry that is the Trump Administration. Emmy Award winners Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon assume the roles of Donald Trump and an impish Jeff Sessions that reminded me of a creepy, self conscious hybrid of Sessions and once Independent Presidential Candidate, Ross Perot.  The writers and the actors come together to create a sketch that's playfully poignant at a time when the unity of the "United" States couldn't be more divided. From Trumps incorrect usage of the word "Despacito" to McKinnon's Sessions begging Trump not to "tweet on me", this sketch allowed me to produce a series of giggles on subject matter that often saddens and angers me. SNL does a great job of addressing the issues while allowing us to make time to crack a smile now and again.  Baldwin's dedication to his Trump impression i...

The Top 5 Reasons Why Your Marriage Is Failing You're Cheating. Now you don't have to take this literally. It doesn't mean that you are stepping outside of the relationship to meet your sexual needs. Cheating can be emotional or social. Let me explain: If you're investing your time into everyone and everything else before you invest in your partner (which is synonymous for your marriage), then you are in essence cheating your spouse out of the time and attention that they need. It may seem hard to do but nothing falls out of that category; family, friends, work, kids, etc. Your spouse should trump all of those things. If you are putting your spouse first, they will give you the balance and support you need to tend to that work assignment, family gathering, ailing parent, or growing children. So often people put other things ahead and logically justify it however if your spouse is last on your list to address, so is your marriage. Confiding in your friends more ...