I remember the first time I went to a gym class with my sister. It was an Arican-Brazilian workout taught by a strikingly handsome brazilan goddess named Paula. Her body was a dream and her energy was not contagious but inspiring...although I wish it were contagious.
Since I knew how to swing my hips I wasn't intimidated, but then she began dancing. She had a routine and only those who had been attending the class knew every dip and groove while I, the foolish novice bumbled and gasped for air shamefully in the back row. There were times I bravely ventured one row forward, putting forth my best effort to get the moves right. I won't lie and say it was easy. Learning the moves was only the first part, maintaining the energy required was the other part of the challenge I had to master.
This story makes me think of a guy I was dating recently. I ended our relationship because not only is his wife a recurring topic. He even mentioned spotting her in a store and following her out of it to see where she was going. Did I mention this was at least 7 months after separation. This is one flag among many. All the while this man is telling me he feel ready to embark upon a relationship with me. I disagree. Being a former divorcee, I know that the divorce is far from final with the slam of a gavel. There are emotions to deal with, finances to split, sometimes custody battles and counseling.
I remember going through my separation/divorce and the first thing I wanted to do was date. I wanted to be in the company of men that desired me so I wouldn't have to think about the one that no longer did. Every relationship I encountered at that time was superficial and overall a dead end. It was a quick hit for what was becoming an addiction. I had the impulse to feel good and I didn't care where it came from. It wasn't until I gave myself the time required to heal that I was able to completely move on from my ex husband. By the time the judge slammed the gavel I was ready to close that chapter of my life.
so often we are wounded from the old thing and jump into a thing for the sake of healing but the reality is it's a small bandage with little adhesive. Before you know it, the bandage falls away revealing the same nasty wound you have been tryin to cover up. The question is did you heal? Absolutely not. You have done all you can to conceal what's cosmetic but haven't done a damned thing to heal the internal wounds. Seeking someone for a rebound relationship is unfair to you and unfair to the person you are using to replace the one that got away. I had to let of of that nice guy I met because I refused to be a bandage for his wounds that apparently run far deeper than the surface. In many ways he's still stuck to his wife and because of that as much as he tried to bind me to him, I'll never be steadfast and adhere to him. I'll always fall away because I'm a temporary fix.
I know we want to move forward with things, but growth takes time. Children rock back and forth for at least a month before they even move their knees to crawl. They stand up and fall before they even begin to move their legs. Once they move there legs they fall many times before mastering walking. Imagine how long it takes to run. All things take time. You can't rush growth and you can't expect people to be your bandage while you grow healthy again.
I remember it was about a year into my African Brazilian class and after a hard workout a woman tapped me on my shoulder and said: "whenever I didn't know what to do, I looked at you." I smiled at her and told her she was standing in my old spot, way in the back. Then I walked back up to the front of the class to do my next workout. The best things take time. Don't rush progression unless you plan to miss all the lessons that brought you there.
Since I knew how to swing my hips I wasn't intimidated, but then she began dancing. She had a routine and only those who had been attending the class knew every dip and groove while I, the foolish novice bumbled and gasped for air shamefully in the back row. There were times I bravely ventured one row forward, putting forth my best effort to get the moves right. I won't lie and say it was easy. Learning the moves was only the first part, maintaining the energy required was the other part of the challenge I had to master.
This story makes me think of a guy I was dating recently. I ended our relationship because not only is his wife a recurring topic. He even mentioned spotting her in a store and following her out of it to see where she was going. Did I mention this was at least 7 months after separation. This is one flag among many. All the while this man is telling me he feel ready to embark upon a relationship with me. I disagree. Being a former divorcee, I know that the divorce is far from final with the slam of a gavel. There are emotions to deal with, finances to split, sometimes custody battles and counseling.
I remember going through my separation/divorce and the first thing I wanted to do was date. I wanted to be in the company of men that desired me so I wouldn't have to think about the one that no longer did. Every relationship I encountered at that time was superficial and overall a dead end. It was a quick hit for what was becoming an addiction. I had the impulse to feel good and I didn't care where it came from. It wasn't until I gave myself the time required to heal that I was able to completely move on from my ex husband. By the time the judge slammed the gavel I was ready to close that chapter of my life.
so often we are wounded from the old thing and jump into a thing for the sake of healing but the reality is it's a small bandage with little adhesive. Before you know it, the bandage falls away revealing the same nasty wound you have been tryin to cover up. The question is did you heal? Absolutely not. You have done all you can to conceal what's cosmetic but haven't done a damned thing to heal the internal wounds. Seeking someone for a rebound relationship is unfair to you and unfair to the person you are using to replace the one that got away. I had to let of of that nice guy I met because I refused to be a bandage for his wounds that apparently run far deeper than the surface. In many ways he's still stuck to his wife and because of that as much as he tried to bind me to him, I'll never be steadfast and adhere to him. I'll always fall away because I'm a temporary fix.
I know we want to move forward with things, but growth takes time. Children rock back and forth for at least a month before they even move their knees to crawl. They stand up and fall before they even begin to move their legs. Once they move there legs they fall many times before mastering walking. Imagine how long it takes to run. All things take time. You can't rush growth and you can't expect people to be your bandage while you grow healthy again.
I remember it was about a year into my African Brazilian class and after a hard workout a woman tapped me on my shoulder and said: "whenever I didn't know what to do, I looked at you." I smiled at her and told her she was standing in my old spot, way in the back. Then I walked back up to the front of the class to do my next workout. The best things take time. Don't rush progression unless you plan to miss all the lessons that brought you there.
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